My fiance and I split after 5 years, six months ago. He did terrible things (sleeping around, slapping around, treating me like disposable garbage) and now has "changed" and "come to his senses." I moved on as well as I could in the mean time. What specific things can he do to prove that his words aren't empty rhetoric and what can we do as a couple to ensure that this doesn't happen again. (Please don't say couple counseling - that is the only idea I HAVE come up with; and I do know that there are no guarentees in life!) I am just looking for tools to give this the best chance.
I also need tools/tricks to get over how angry/disppointed/apathetic I am at how he has treated me in the past. I know that we can't move on fresh, if I can't move past his old behaviors.
Thanks for your advice and thoughts.
2006-12-28 08:53:50 · 10 answers · asked by kalamondin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Keep working on moving on, you're getting there and now you're past the hard part. Don't get back into that relationship (I can guarentee you he hasn't changed) and then realize that he hasn't changed and have to start all over again with trying to move on.
Don't let a guy treat you like ****, you deserve better.
2006-12-28 09:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by shoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering why you want him back? What has he done that warrants a second chance, i mean sleeping around and beating you are about... the worst things a guy can do in a relationship. Why do you need him back.
If you want to give him another chance go for it, it is your life, but be careful. If however you feel you NEED him back then run away as far and as fast as you can because it is a trap that you might not escape.
You can start seeing him again without being stupid about it, just go slow and at the pace at which you are comfortable. Let him know up front that there is a lot of work ahead of you and that it may prove to be too much for him. He has to EARN your trust back.
Then go slow if he agrees, and if he screws up once just once, walk and don't look back you have to impress upon him that this is his ONE chance to make it right.
And by the way screw that couples counseling thing, I think you need counseling to figure out if this isn't a pattern of destructive behavior.
Anyway this is the best advice i can give and I pray it works out for you.
2006-12-28 08:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you have said it, there are no guarantees in life. Personally, if a guy ever lift a hand or a finger in me out of bad fights/mood, that will be the end of it, no one ever has the right to hurt another person. if he really has changed, there is wholla things that he can do to prove that he has changed and all of it should be opposite to what he has done in the past. Basically, you'll know he has changed if you can feel it, if you are loving him because of what he's doing now.
If you want to move on,then start accepting his efforts to change(if there are really efforts). If you are not feeling it, then maybe he has not. Analyze the situation and be smart girl (think of yourself first)!!!. If you want to move on past your old self, then project yourself how you see it with him (he can only hurt you again IF and ONLY IF you will ALLOW it!). Remember (and this is a general advice) Only you can make yourself look stupid (by your choices;words,actions), LOVE yourself Girl!! so there, hope this helps!!
2006-12-28 09:11:35 · answer #3 · answered by Risa C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is slapping you around, I would get away from him. No man or woman has the right to hit each other. If he treats you like garbage, I don't know why you put up with that. If he is sleeping around after this long I would say move on. You never know what he might give you. I don't know why you would want to live your life that way. Some things you never get over, but it sounds like you should move on. Sorry honey, I am only being honest.
2006-12-28 09:03:12 · answer #4 · answered by CHEROKEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't change overnight. If it has only been six months then chances are he hasn't changed that much and it will be a matter of time before he is doing the same things again. Leave him alone if you can or just go back to casual dating again so that you can get to know him and how he has changed.
2006-12-28 08:58:28 · answer #5 · answered by ☆Soon 2 be Mom of 2☆ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id never go back with someone who cheated because the trust would be gone, but if you have somehow forgiven him and can move on, then take things slowly. Dont let him move right back in to where he was before. Stay in separate houses/apartments, have ONE date a week. Begin all over as if you are dating. JUST GO SLOW!
2006-12-28 08:56:46 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want the best chance, don't chance it all. Chances are, you'll give him a second chance, and he'll mess up again and it might be harder to get out of it this time....keep moving forward and let go...make a fresh start.
2006-12-28 08:58:29 · answer #7 · answered by Cathy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, if he cheated on you already why in the world would you walk down the isle with him ?? You want to give yourself the best shot ? Find a new man.
2006-12-28 08:59:18 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to break it to you but things won't change. He might be nicer at first, but eventually he will go back to the same guy he was. Don't fall for the sweet talk and the charm.
2006-12-28 08:58:44 · answer #9 · answered by DL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't do it!!! that's the only guarantee you won't get hurt again, at least by him. I think you will have much better odds with someone else.
2006-12-28 08:58:29 · answer #10 · answered by marianne o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋