It seems to me, women use sex to get a guy and once they are married to him, there isn't any reason to give him sex to keep him, which is deceitful by the woman, and the frequence of sex goes way down and is extremely frustrating for the man. And once a man figures this out, he is hurt because he has been lied to and mislead by the one person in the world that he should be able to trust and should be helping him to make his life better. It is a betrayal by the woman in what she led him to expect in marriage. That things would get better not worse. No wonder so many men stray, they simply were lied to by someone that is supposed to love him.
2006-12-28 08:43:24 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen to women say the same thing about men but instead of complaining about sex, they complain about a lack of romance. Guys try to woo their women (take them places, prepare picnics, light candles, give lots of affection, listen attentively, send them cute notes, etc.) when they are dating but often stop when they are married. Are YOU still "courting" her even though you're married? A guy needs to understand that men and women are often different sexually. He can just turn on anywhere any time (a stereotype) but often a woman needs a lot of quality time, affection, laughter, etc. before she's ready to be intimate (not every woman is like this, but many are). Look at your own role in the situation and maybe you'll figure out the answer. Otherwise, sorry but she's just not attracted to you like before. Fix it together, don't play the Blame the Wife card!
2006-12-28 08:51:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think it is because it is very exciting when you first meet someone. The man courts the woman and gives her lots and lots of attention. Once you marry a man things get routine and there is no more courting and less and less attention as time goes by. I think men get less romantic after marriage but romance is a two way street the woman should also bring romance into the marriage as well. It should not be cut off because you are married though you should still continue with a healthy sex drive. A person should ask there spouse what they want and what would make them more in the mood so they can fix it.
2006-12-28 18:19:18 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I was a virgin when I got married 12 years ago, so sex could only get better. lol There was a couple year lull, what with kids, long work hours, etc.
Things have really picked up sexually this year. I credit that to both of us doing whatever we can to make the other happy. I cook more (the man loves my cooking) and shop less. (Well, not really shop less. I just usually go for sales first and spend less money. lol) He spends more time with me and does little things to show he loves me. (Flowers, helping more around the house, doing things I ask of him.) We try to go on a date once a week if we can. My mom keeps the kids.
If you do things for each other that you know the other wants and has been asking for, that really helps. Be more romantic, go on dates, help out around the house, fix things that need fixin', etc.
When a person's needs are being met, they feel more secure in the relationship, have less stress and are more likely to feel loving towards you.
I suggest you and your wife read the book "The Five Love Languages". It will help you both understand what the other needs to feel loved. When you start meeting those needs (especially when they go against what you would naturally do on your own) it should help you out some.
There are also a couple online quizes based on the five love languages.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html
http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/lovelanguages.php
All the best!
2006-12-28 11:20:18 · answer #3 · answered by Niki L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think it has anything to do with being married. It all starts out hot and heavy but then it gets old. Try some romance. Men always forget to romance thier wife. The little things. Do her worst chore, do the dishes, helping around the house is a form or foreplay. That way she is not so tired or fustrated. Make a nice hot bubble bath for her when she gets home with some candles.
A woman cant just turn on a switch like a man can. Try it and let me know how it goes.
Good luck
2006-12-28 08:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by Orleanslady 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That's not entirely true. There are some women who do use sex as a way to get and or keep a man. I know that in my case, the reason why our sex life backed off is because of regular marital and life stress. Money, work, home responsiblities...having kids makes it very hard to feel sexy or desired. It's not that the woman lied, it's that the life situation changed and everyone has to deal with that. If you dont like it, don't get married.
2006-12-28 08:52:45 · answer #5 · answered by mamaduckie05 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Is is a betrayal when the man ends up taking over the remote and sits and watched sports ( or whatever) on TV all day, when before he loved spending time with you.....
I really love your question, but its just the way life is honey. I myself have a stronger sex drive then my mate but he keeps up with me....its a give and take situation. Ask her whats wrong or what made her change. Talk to her and see if you both can come to some sort of compromise.
2006-12-28 09:02:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
After you are married, the responsibilities change and the woman's focus goes to keeping the house and taking care of you in more ways than just sexually. Maybe you need to get involved more in the duties she takes care of around the house that you just leave to her. If you just toss your dirty clothes in the hamper, or on the floor for her to take care of, do you think that is something that turns her on and makes her want to have sex with you? Treat her as an equal and share the household chores with her. I bet you will see a big difference. If you have kids, do the same thing there. If she is the main person tending to their needs and you are sitting in the recliner making love to the remote, she just sees you as a roommate that makes her do everything while you help pay the rent.
There are two sides to every story. Ask her why she isn't as interested in sex as she used to be. I bet the answer will be that she is still interested, but she doesn't have time and you aren't helping her get things done so she WILL have time.
2006-12-28 08:54:28 · answer #7 · answered by PDH 4 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Ha what about the men that help you around the house when you are dating and when you get married men dont help its like a trick to get you. Does that give us the right to cheat.......HECK NO!! Maybe your woman is having some issues or have you made her feel sexy lately. Maybe she has her hands full around the house and at work and sex is not on her mind. talk to her and see whats going on. She didnt mislead you I dont think and she must loves you she married you. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel.
2006-12-28 08:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by colee97 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not all women are this way my husband cant keep up with me! Usually this is a problem after having a baby because our bodies change and we dont feel attractive. I cant speak for all women some might do it just to punish their men saying haha you cant get it from anyone but me and I am not giving it up its like a game. My husband doesnt have to worry about this from me I am always willing to make him happy and from the noises he makes i do it well!
2006-12-28 08:56:54 · answer #9 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhhhh...do I want to answer this question!
Why is it you men ALWAYS blame the woman when sex goes blah????? Did you ever once take a look in the mirror and think that it could be you??? Oh hell no.
For one thing...this jump on/jump off...five minute stuff is for the birds....we still want and CRAVE foreplay....we still want Passion, but what do we get...dirty socks and farts!! And lets not forget about the belches!
Oh and lets not forget about the kids you HAVE to have to make sure your name goes on and on.....so we have to keep trying til we get that BOY!! So yeah...sex gets quiet while the kids are there....is it our fault???? How bout takin us out and takin us to a motel for an hour or two...or three..........
How bout tryin something wild and passionate....ya know we use to be wild and passionate.....maybe that is why some wives start to stray...did you ever think about that...instead of bitching about WHY ...get off your *** and do something about it.....
2006-12-28 09:46:00 · answer #10 · answered by Lin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋