I'm 20, he is 30. We have both been planning to get our own apartments, but it seems pointless to pay two rents when we will probably be staying together at one place or the other. I am in college and working, he works full-time. My parents have strong religious beliefs, and I don't necessarily think they are wrong, but they do not believe in us living together. They said they would cut me off completely if we moved in together...school, health and car insurance, etc...I don't really mind the bills except for health insurance. I won't have any if they cut me off, and I can't go on my boyfriend's insurance unless we are married. Even though we plan on marrying in the future, my parents said they would not support my decision and would not participate in a wedding when the time comes. I don't want to live at home any more. So we are planning on having a small ceremony in a few weeks. Are they forcing me to get married? Am I making too rash of a decision?
2006-12-28 08:41:14 · 37 answers · asked by wsnichols89 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SLOW DOWN! You are getting married for all the wrong reasons. If your parents don't approve, then you have to do it on your own. Yeah, it stinks to not have health insurance, but it also stinks to be 21 and divorced!
Please think about this.
2006-12-28 08:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by Rosie aka Rosie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are not forcing anything on you. You are making a choice. Your parents are graciously paying your way in life. You can keep that gravy train rolling or you can exert your independence and move in together if you wish. The choice is very clear. A parent is not obligated to fund options that they do not believe in. If you wish to go against their wishes, so be it. But you can't have it both ways. You're either their dependent and subject to their rules, or you are an independent doing whatever you wish.
You say you're going to have a small ceremony in a few weeks. That is not your only option you know. You still have the option of staying where you are until you graduate and move on.
You didn't mention where boyfriend lives. At 30 years old it seems odd that he doesn't already have a place. Why does him getting a place depend on you moving in with him? You should think about the whole picture before making a rushed decisions based upon immediate passion.
2006-12-28 08:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by katme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny you dont need to rush into marriage! How long have you and this guy been seeing each other? I have to defend your parents on this one, you know they care about you and only want the best for you. I do see your point on only needing one rent to pay but what if you do move in with this guy and your parents cut you off and then you two break up, then where will you go? Right back to your parents who will tell you what everyone hates to hear... "I told you so". Personally I think living together before getting married is the best route to go because you dont EVER really know someone until you live with them. Have you thought about maybe trying to get on the state insurance like medicaid? If you dont have much income and go to school full time then you might actually qualify. I think your parents might come around if you went ahead and moved in together they probably just need time I mean after all you are their daughter!
2006-12-28 08:49:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe you should get married just so you can live with your man. I also do not believe that you should stay at home and have your parents pay your bills either. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and have your own life. Of course your parents would feel better if you weren't "living in sin". They have to realize you are grown and capable of making your own decisions. They obviously don't think you are , for the simple fact that they are paying your bills. Sounds like they are holding it over your head. Time heals, and they might not like it now, but they will learn to accept it. It is sad that you feel forced into getting married and I think that is WORSE scenario than your parents not paying your bills. Think about the long run.
2006-12-28 08:57:27 · answer #4 · answered by sleepyhead 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend of 2 years decided we would move into together i also come from a strong religious background, but the part about paying two rents was silly to us...so we just did my dad looks down on us and finicialy cut me off (including health insurance) but he understands that I'm in love and can make my own decisions. It sucks to be on my own and cut off from my dad,but it will make me stronger. You need to think of all the possibilties that happen when you move in with your bf, if it still seems like a good idea. Go for it Girl!
2006-12-28 08:47:21 · answer #5 · answered by jessie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not get married for your parents or anyone else for that matter...You get married for yourself...And if you ask me you are too young to rush into a commitment like that..Just my opinion! I was married that young also and believe me you will be a different woman in a few years..you will change more than once..So the worst decision you can make is living your life for your parents..You are the one that needs to be happy they don't have to live your day to day life...They will come around one day, maybe not tomorrow but you are their daughter..Give them some time they will come around..I was in your same situation believe it or not...
Live your life for you!! Not for a man or your parents you...Do what you feel in your heart...In my opinion, I would rather live with a man before we get married so that I know what I am getting my self into...Everyone believes differently but I just feel that I would hate to get married and have all these surprises that I can not deal with and go through **** that I really don't have to ....When I buy a car I always test drive if you know what I mean...
2006-12-28 08:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. This happened to me, well a similar situation. My parents are not religious, but they didn't like my boyfriend, so they cut me off of all finacial help when i moved out with him, because we are not married either. But i couldn't live under their controling ways anymore. I am 21, i moved out when i was 20, and my boyfriend is 27. I was not completely financially ready to move out, but i HAD to. My parents are actually okay with it now, and they've come to visit. I think they might just be making threats to scare you out of this. I hope so anyways, that is what my parents did. But we have been living together for 7 months, and we are doing great. Sometimes it is hard to make the bills, so we just have to go a month eating only Ramen noodles and maccaroni. But it is still 100 times better than living at home. Good Luck, i hope this helps. I really think it is best to move out, if you feel you are ready.
2006-12-28 08:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by Stark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are making a rash decision. Not only are you only 20 but the man is 10 yrs older than you. I would flip out if I was your mother. Ive always said there must be something wrong with a 30 yr old man that would date a 20 yr old. Your going to give up your family for a man like this ? And then if it doesn't work out and your no longer together, then what are you going to do ?
2006-12-28 08:46:27 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not get married? Is because he doesn't want to? What's thew rush, he is 30 ans messing with a 20 yo, has he been married before? Lot's of questions you should be wondering about. When you were 10 he was 20. Hmmmmm.
My daughter moved in with a guy and she promised no kids until they got married. 18 years later she has one kid and he kicked her out. No they never got married. All the money they put together, she got nothing, the furniture she had is gone.he moved out with zero and now he has a new girlfriend and she has zero and one kid. think about it. At least if you get married and it doesn't work out, at least you will have a legal standing so that you can leave with something. Protect yourself. As a parent, it hurts like h*ll to see her struggle trying to keep she and her kid fed and dressed. I have helped her with $$$ over the years and she has nothing. The $$$ was for the 2 of them and he says he owes me nothing.
2006-12-28 08:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well yes i wouldnt get married unless you are really ready I mean if you do get married are your parents still going to support you, cause you will no longer be their responsibility you will be your husbands, and is he financailly capable to take care of you and your education?
Although it suchs and I know been all grown at twenty suchs but Id think about what is most important and sensable, I mean whats the rush to move in together I wouldnt bite the hand that feeds me unless i was going to be eating off a bigger plate! You have your whole entire life to be married and live with a man, but living with a man and hastidly getting married to one isnt going to make your life better. Do you really want to not have your parents at you wedding and they arent forcing you, they have there values and they want whats best for you in the long run, however it is your choice to make you just may have consequenses to deal with in the long run. No I don't think you are thinking about your future and whats best for you as an adult, or woman I think your thinking with your heart, and emotions sometimes they deceave us. I hope you make the best desision for you.
2006-12-28 08:53:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the two of you are in love, then getting married isn't just a rash decision to get out of your parents house. I don't think they are forcing you to get married, but maybe they don't want to think of their baby being "de flowered" before "the time is right." But I do recommend that you live together before getting married, that way the two of you will know the other persons living habits.
2006-12-28 08:53:10 · answer #11 · answered by melody g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋