Is Negligence a form of Sexual Abuse?

Question

I think it is fair to say that -- at the time of the act (not retroactively) -- unwanted touching in the private areas is Sexual Abuse. And as far as casual dating, serious, exculsive dating and even up to engaged to be married one should not have for this reason alone an expectation of sexual contact. However, after marriage I think there is an expectation of Sex. That expectation should include the right of refusal because again any unwanted touching is sexual abuse, even with ones spouse. But if the spouse CONSTANTLY refuses to the point where one remains a virgin after years of marriage, is this not also Sexual Abuse? If one partner wants sex and the other ALWAYS refuses, is that not cruel? Refusing all but 1 time in 100 one must not accept as complete negligence, because it's still 10 in 1000 or 100 in 10,000. But 0 out of 100 is still 0 out of 1000 or 10,000. 1 in 100 is still IMHO cruel but 0 in 100 I think is Abuse. Do you agree? And does the answer depend on culture?

Thank you all for 12 very insightful comments and 1 silly, amusing one! :) It seems the men agree it is abuse and the women think Sexual Abuse should be confined to physical contact. That is interesting. So another question would be: is Negligence as bad as Sexual Abuse?

Up front I want to say that IMHO marriages are not taken seriously enough in this society and people should always try to work out their problems. I would not divorce my spouse for this reason any more than if my spouse had an affair. We are partners though thick and thin.

Also, to answer a few of the questions let's say the spouse gets defensive when the topic is discussed and rather than discussing the issue just blames the one asking about it. Let's say Urologists and Gynocologists have been involved and one does what the doctors say but the spouse does not think it a priority.

Finally, I have found negligence is more common in women born in far-eastern societies, e.g. China and India. Is it cultural?

Also, to be clear by what I mean as negligence, I mean when the under-satisfied partner initiates frequently, provides stimulation and yet receives nothing in return. The touching is consentual just not reciprocal.

Okay, I am about to choose the best answer, but this needs some explaining. I will NOT have an affair despite the negligence because this would make my spouse sad. But that is not the absolute answer to the question, just one specific to me. My specific situation is to have done all I can and accept that I may indeed die a virgin.

But the one thing I want to make perfectly clear is if you feel you are being neglicted by your spouse, discuss it with him or her directly. Although most women will blame their husband for her lack of responsiveness and have no sympathy for his suffering, many men, despite their reputation for being the jealous gender wil sympathize with their spouse and in fact agree and support her in having an affair. That is why I suggest ALL women in this situation -- being neglicted by their husbands -- should discuss it with him -- he just might agree to you having an affair! Guys, you better just face it, it is your fault even if it isn't.
:)

Love yor spouse.

Answer 1

Culture or no culture, withholding sex is either grounds for a divorce or a have-yourself-an-affair-free card. Sorry you have to live like that.

Answer 2

Sex with your mate is not only wholely acceptable, but is expected and quite frankly most of the reason we marry to begin with. The bible says "Woman, do not deny your husband, and likewise man, do not deny your wife". (not exactly but that's the meat of it).

If you're spouse HAS not had sex with you, your marriage is not consumated, and therefore regardless of how long you have been married, you can have an annulment, which erases the marriage and legally and religeously puts you back into the marketplace.

Think of the broader issue though, why are you not having sex and what have you talked about in this regards...Do what you can to salvage your marriage, but if it's not going to happen then you'd be well within your rights to split up and move on.

Answer 3

OK, what are you doing there? Do you really need me to tell you that you are not in a marriage if there is no sex.? Sex is very much a part of married life. Can't imagine why anyone would get married if they didn't want to have sex. Yes, it is a form of cruelty so I ask you once again, what are you doing there? It is cruel in any culture that I know of. Get out of there and go live a little.

Answer 4

I've always wondered the same thing myself actually. If your partner deprives you of wants and needs I think it could be classed as sexual abuse. Especially if you've remained faithful. However, I don't see that to stand on the basis of divorce. (even though it probably should be) It's complicated.

After such a long period of time I think you really need to talk to your partner and discuss what is going on. Maybe you shouldn't have married them in the first place.

Answer 5

Its called alienation of affection and marital neglect. Not abuse. It is grounds for divorce in many places. Yes, a spouse is expected to have sex with their partner but within reason. Some state laws spell this out.

Answer 6

nicely, some all and sundry is foster mum and dad in basic terms for the money. they do no longer comprehend the attempt and interest that toddlers who've already been abused require. I even have surely heard of abuse happening between foster toddlers, and the foster mum and dad might desire to visual show unit the youngsters interior their care extra heavily! Chilren who've been abused have a miles better propencity to abuse. noticeably if the abuse occured at a youthful age (and the toddler became no longer able to verbalise what got here approximately and the way they felt). the youngsters who're interior foster residences might very probable want professional counseling.

Answer 7

I'm not sure how long you have been married, but you are right, sex is an expectation of marriage. If a spouse had the intention of refusing sex before they married, that is grounds for an annullment.

Answer 8

Withholding sex is not negligence, but it is very unhealthy for a relationship. The question is what kind of relationship do you have that would cause someone to withhold sex? I feel there is much more to this story than what you are sharing. There is always two sides to every story. We've heard your side, now what is your partner's? There is an explanation out there, but the question just isn't clear enough.

Answer 9

I don't negligence is a form of sexual abuse. It might be psychological abuse, but most definitely not sexual abuse. When two people get married, they do make the two of them promise to have sex with one another. They do however, have to honor one another, love each other, etc.

Answer 10

It's not abuse, no. Healthy? it depends on your definition. But if you don't like it, talk about it with your partner, get help together, or leave him/her. What are you doing about solving it? It's obviously more than just a sex problem or you'd be communicating about it together and trying to become closer as a couple.