My husband accepted me with 3 children from my exhusband. However, when we had our 2 children together he became very ugly with my other 3 children and now does everything to keep them seperated. He doesn't let my children play together as brothers/sisters and he is always in a bad mood. He is only happy when my 3 children go to their father's house. As long as my 3 kids aren't at home, he is happy. This has only made me resentful against him and in turn I continued sleeping with my exhusband, My exhusband wants us to be a family again and treats my 2 children as his own. He is financially stable and lives in a 5 bedroom home. My husband and I live in a 2 bedroom home and we live in government housing. the thing is that I don't love my exhusband and I only see him as a friend. I sleep with him because i feel comfortable with him and because we use fun toys. My husband and is a fitness trainer but only thinks of himself and his looks and will not change his ways to be a family.
2006-12-28 08:10:48 · 21 answers · asked by sandra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You picked a bad second husband.
Listen, pick the one that is better suited for your children. Do you want an abusive father to raise your kids? Do you? Do you want someone that's mean, nasty and rude? Do you want someone who's loving, and caring? What do you want for your children? That's what you need to decide. This is not about you, right now. It's about a family for your five kids that you had--they need a father, and you need a stable provider.
"Love is not a commitment, not an emotion." That's one of my favorite quotes. "Love is a choice, not a feeling" is another one. True, we feel the effects of love, but not love itself. You choose whether or not to love someone. You choose whom you want to be with. Now, it is up to you. Do you choose to step out on your own and be a single mother of 5? Do you choose the guy that doesn't have much money and treats your children wrong? Do you choose the man who seems to take care of your children?
This is what you need to do. You need to do what is right by your family--not by just you. You gave up your right to be selfish the day you had your first child. Please, just think about it.
2006-12-28 08:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you do not love your ex husband and only see him as a friend who is caring and is stable and thinks of all 5 chilrenb as his own that is a lot healtier then someone who only likes 2 out of 5 and seperates everything. Are you sure your new husband is not stressed because there are only 2 bedrooms and 7 people in the home. You should come clean about the cheating. It is only fair to your new husband..
2006-12-28 08:18:45 · answer #2 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right for wanting to leave your current husband. Your oldest children were in your life before he was and you need to make them a priority. There were reason you divorced your first husband? Have those reasons changed? If not, STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM! You're just giving him false hope and prolonging this bad situation. Also, who's to say that if you get back with him that he won't treat your younger children bad? I think you need some alone time to figure out what you really want. There are more fish in the sea.
2006-12-28 08:25:57 · answer #3 · answered by Kristy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want to tell your current husband about your cheating because you want to hurt him. You are at a crossroad in your life and you really need to think how you want to live your life.
Frankly, if I were in the same situation you are now (though I do not recommend you do this, I don't know how you want to live your future), I would divorce the current husband. I would live by myself with the five kids for a while to give me time to figure out whether I would prefer to be on my own or if I would prefer to be with the ex-husband. Since the sex seems to be fun with the ex, I would probably end up choosing to be with him. (What can I say, I like sex). I would definitely not tell the current husband of the cheating. There is no point to it except to cause hurt. Of course if he asks, I would tell him the truth.
2006-12-28 08:19:35 · answer #4 · answered by joycedomingo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like you should be with either of them. Sure your ex treats you good, offers you stability, and is good to your other children, but you dont love him. If you get back together with him you would be in a loveless marriage and probably cheat on him too or be miserable for the rest of your life. Not good. Your husband seems like a real piece of work. If he doesn't accept and treats your kids right why be with him? That is not a good environment for your children to be raised in. I say leave them both alone and find 1 man that has the good qualities of your ex and whom you love and loves you and all of your children.
2006-12-28 08:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by mypassions4life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have time on your own,if your really not attracted to your ex husband,think of your three kids,they will grow up resenting the fact they were treat differently to their siblings and might turn on you when they are older and wonder why you stayed there when he favoured his kids over them,its a shame you cant see a future with your ex,because he would treat them all the same,by the sound of it-which is only right.When your husband met you,the kids were part of you and its wrong hes changed since he has had his own kids,good luck
2006-12-28 08:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What have you done to yourself and your 5 kids? You don't seem to make good choices and you know that. You can't be with either of those men because the ex husband you are only using and you don't truely love and the current husband you are just cheating on him. With 5 kids, how in the heck are you cheating... do you take the kids along during your "romps?" You need to seek therapy to see why you have destructive behavoir.
2006-12-28 08:15:31 · answer #7 · answered by 2007 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a mess.. How can you be a happy family? You are going outside your marriage and hurting these innocent children in the process.
The first thing you have to do is to stop making excuses for committing adultery. Then seek counseling. These poor kids are going to suffer if you don't get your life straightened out.
2006-12-28 08:19:01 · answer #8 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop having sex with your exhusband, then file for divorce against your current husband, and dont have anymore kids.
2006-12-28 08:13:30 · answer #9 · answered by Donna K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you should pack up and leave and get divorced. i also believe if some one cheats on one with another, they will cheat on the other one too. you seem to have good excuses for doing wrong. but it do not make it right. pack-up, and when husband asks what is going on, be honest, and tell him you been cheating on him,and why. it wont make anything better, but no matter how bad or good he is, at least you will no longer be cheating on him.
2006-12-28 08:21:30 · answer #10 · answered by waljac6108 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋