My twin sister just left her husband of 19 years yesterday & although their marriage is not one that I would like myself, I want to help them get back together. Her & her boys are staying with me but they are both so pig headed that no one will make the first move to try & work it out. Can I do anything to push them to make up or should I just keep out of it even though they're both hurting? It was an argument about in laws that caused them to split nobody cheated or anything. What can I do?
2006-12-28 07:37:15 · 26 answers · asked by gitsliveon24 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All my sister asked for is an apology but he will NEVER say I'm sorry. That's just who he is. Now within 1 day she's rented an apartment starting 1/1.
2006-12-28 07:43:07 · update #1
Since this just happened, it may just be a fight. Maybe things will work themselves out. If you don't think so, I still recommend just being an ear for her and a shoulder. Being in the middle and trying to help may come back and bite you in the butt. My sister "left" her husband and I made the mistake of bad mouthing him. Then *bam* they got back together and I looked like the idiot.
I hope things work out for what is best for all involved.
2006-12-28 07:42:03 · answer #1 · answered by Sara B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although you are very close to your sister and feel her pain, ultimately, the relationship and marriage are up to her and her husband. There may be underlaying reasons besides those that you think lead to their separation that you may not be aware of.
Usually when couples separate over what seems an insignificant reason is because there are many other issues that have snowballed to cause the breakup.
Only your sister and her husband will be able to resolve their differences, but they have to be willing to communicate and avoid playing the blame game. Instead trying to focus on relaying to each other how the actions of one makes the other feel and why.
If they belong to a church or religious community, a pastor or priest may be a good starting point.
Remember that if they are to talk things over with someone else, it should be with someone who is neutral and will not take sides, so this automatically takes you out as the mediator.
Marriage counseling is always a good idea as long as both agree upon it and no one feels preasured into it.
Good luck and remember that the most important thing you can do for your sister is to be by her side providing her with your love and support no matter what her desicion is.
2006-12-28 15:51:18 · answer #2 · answered by midcat2001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is not to "try" to do anything right now. Just be there for your sister and her boys. Obviously there is something else going on other than a fight about in-laws because you just don't leave 19 years of marriage over that. I would imagine your sister and her husband need a little time to cool off and then every thing will work out the way it is suppose to without your interference - I mean help. :)
2006-12-28 15:41:51 · answer #3 · answered by New 4 Lulu 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be patient. Its obvious you have lots of love for both of them and getting involved (more than you already are) will only make it worse.
Let things settle down, and let them start talking on their own schedule. They might be e-mailing already for all you know. Just keep out of it and let the hurt heal up a bit.
You're already involved by having her and the boys staying with you...so don't dig in any deeper. You're helping them get back together by not being involved.
Be supportive, of course...and encouraging, of course...but don't get involved.
It could be a great bonding time for you two. Do things that don't remind her of the current situation and bring some joy into her life. She'll want to share this.
If she's in a positive mood, it'll be infectious. Do your best to keep her happy, smiling, and laughing, and she'll share this with the ex. They'll be back together before long.
2006-12-28 15:45:26 · answer #4 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is one you wouldn't like for yourself it wouldn't be stretch that it is not one that your sister, with the same upbringing, similiar values and background, wouldn't like either. Especially if it something to do with the in-laws. Maybe it was something nineteen years in the making. Was your sister honest with you about all her feelings about the marriage? Maybe he has always sided with the inlaws and she feels left out or as if her feeling are less important. Give it a few days for them cool down and they may come around on thier own. All you can do is offer advice and listen, I wouldn't suggest some sitcom like arranged meeting and alienate yourself from her as well.
2006-12-28 15:46:23 · answer #5 · answered by breezy_otay 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stay out of it. I believe their is more to it then what she is telling you. Yes, even though she is your twin. She is leaving something out. I just can not believe that a women would leave her husband and take her kids out of the home for something so petty. Not after 19yrs of marriage. She is leaving something out. I would stay out of it and just be there to support her. She will tell you the entire story when she is ready. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-28 15:46:39 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell them they probably both said things that they didnt mean and that are best friends and should sit down like adults in dennys or somewhere, where they can drink coffee as friends and come to some common ground. tell them they are both being like two year olds arguing like siblings and they should be positive and not negative, someone has to give in and go the other persons way, or they will just pull on their chains. tell them to walk together and not apart, if only because they are friends
2006-12-28 15:45:43 · answer #7 · answered by shanepalmer2000 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is tough to do, its good you asking around and trying to help your twin sister. I think that maybe priority should be first. That your sister and her husband should sit down and talk. Create guidelines for their own family and not let their in-laws interfere. IN-laws already lived their life concerning their marriage years and stuff like that. In laws in to stay out of their children grown adult mariiage and let them do for them how they see fit, even if they dont like it. Because every family is different and needs to work together as they see it for them. Your twin and husband have to say, "we like this because of inlaws. Lets cut this nonsense out" and start to develope strageties and stick to them for thier families and not let inlaws sayings and opinions affect their decisions. You should keep talking to them, until they sit down and try to talk things out. If they get upset and tells you to stay out of it, then thats a different story, but as long as you can keep trying go for it. Hope they can work things out for your twin. take care.
2006-12-28 15:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by i_shout_plz_care_4_each_other 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should definitely stay out of it. You can be there for your sister and help her through this. Listen to her. Help her sort out her feelings, I'm sure they will get back together.
2006-12-28 15:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your sister about how she really feels about it. Talk to him if you like and see what he wants to make sure you are not making any unreasonable judgement on the situation. Sometimes it takes an outsider to make them see the whole picture. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-28 15:39:33 · answer #10 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋