Marriage of almost 10 yrs, there is an affair, spouse finds out but the person having the affair wants out of the marriage, that goes on for a few months but realizes they have to get along for the children and try to work on being civilized. The adulterer apologizes and totally regrets the pain they've caused and wants to "date" spouse and just see where they end up, either fixing their marriage or coming out friends, not labeling their relationship but just seeing where they end up. The spouse who has been cheated on constantly brings up the infidelity even when things are fine and going well, asking the same ?'s that have been answered and they argue. If the adulterer has apologized and regrets what they've done and they have decided to try and get over this, is it healthy for the cheated on party to always bring it up and set them back to the same arguement? The adulterer says they refuse to live in that hurtful situation and rehash the pain over and over, whats right here?
2006-12-28 07:34:16 · 30 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The person who was cheated on thinks they have the right to bring it up because they were hurt in all of this despite apologies or attempts to make a bad situation somewhat better, however adulterer says they are not trying to get out scott-free but feels bringing it up time after time is not helping to come to any resolution.
2006-12-28 07:50:03 · update #1
if there is any chance of keeping this marriage intact then both parties need to stop rehashing and move forward with tolerance for past behavior and forgiveness.....it won't be easy but can be done...good luck
2006-12-28 07:38:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The one who was cheated on is not OK with this "let's see where things go" relationship. It's all fine and well for the adulterer to want that, but the adulterer needs to wake up and realize that some things are just wrong, and the adulterer must face the interpersonal consequences of the adulterous behavior, as difficult as that is.
By the way, this was one of the best-worded questions I have read in a long time! Despite my efforts, I can't tell if you were the adulterer or the one who was cheated on (or even if you're talking about another couple entirely). I'm sure that's what you intended, so, bravo!
2006-12-28 15:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not blame the person who was cheated on to bring up the infidelity from time to time, for goodness sake you hurt the person and are hurt that you are reminded of the infidelity. Trust shattered is hard to regain. Maybe if the other person really understand how much the other person was hurt, they might develop a conscience. try counseling if could help get over the hurt. I think it is too soon to know if things can mend, you two need to be separated and learn to miss each other, time really heals all. Good luck with you
2006-12-28 15:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by jasmine K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not healthy for either party in this situation. They need to go to marriage counseling. I think the hardest part of staying in a relationship after you've been cheated on, even if the person is sincere about what they've done, is forgiving and forgetting. But a good solution is couseling to see if they can get over it. I doubt many relationships work out afer infedelity occurs, but it's worth a shot. Good luck!
2006-12-28 15:40:35 · answer #4 · answered by B U Tiful 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both! However, the person who was cheated on has valid pain. And this pain may never go away. I think if both people involved really want the relationship to work it will. However, their is a great deal of pain that has been caused. A suggestion is to obtain some counseling with a marriage counselor and listen to their suggestions on how to rebuild the trust. Also they will act as a mediator to get through all of he tough questions that must be answered. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-28 15:40:14 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No this is not a healthy situation! but if the adulterer has agreed to date then one has to expect that the cheated on still has to vent. If the adulterer is willing to live like that an indefinite amount of time but if it proceeds a couple of months then it may not be worth reconciling. It becomes very destructive to the growth of the relationship.
2006-12-28 15:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jan l 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is best for the couple to seek professinal counseling. Like a bottle that is cracked, no amount of polishing wil make that crack invisible, The wound had been healed but it left a scar. To the person who had experienced betrayal , it is but human instinct to react negatively and show distrust to the person who dishonored him one way or another. And the person who committed that offence, it can't be help that she must take full responsibility for the course of her wrong action toward her spouse. Unless, both spouses would double their effort in trying to make their marriage workout , there's no point for them to remain in a relationship where trust had been completely destroyed. It could have been better to just leave and let go.
2006-12-28 15:49:19 · answer #7 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The one that was cheated on has never forgiven the one that cheated. Forgiveing is easier than forgetting and it take time and patience to ever get over something of this magnitude. Your also right about haveing to live with it always being thrown in your face and reliveing it over and over so the choice is pretty much yours as to if you want to live in this or make a dicision to move on in live without the other.
2006-12-28 15:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as others have stated there is no real simple solution.
First I believe the one who was cheated on that keeps bringing it up and throwing it in the others face is wrong. There really is no excuse for a spouse to cheat on the other one.
I must agree that if you don't get counseling then you best to go your seperate ways for as someone else stated without trust their is no relationship.
Good Luck
2006-12-28 15:43:55 · answer #9 · answered by Firestorm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
needs to go to a councilor as there problems won't get any easier, sometimes betrayal is never forgiven and the wrong just can't be undone. if the cheater and cheated on one wants to get past this, the cheated on spouse needs to stop it and move on and focus on the repair of the marriage, cause after awhile the cheater will just give up and not care anymore if they think nothing will ever change and that forgiveness will never come.
2006-12-28 17:58:39 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should seek professional help. Therapy for your marriage would be very beneficial. The cheater will have to understand that even after many years the act could/would/will still be brought up at some point. They have bent/abused the issue of TRUST. The cheated has lost all faith, trust, and saftey in their partner , and will need alot of time to "heal". They may never get over it. Good Luck.
2006-12-28 15:46:22 · answer #11 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋