what is an ethical way of asking my mother can i move out next year after my 17th b-day?

Question

my mother always treats my sister better than me, she gives her anything she wants, but when i ask, she treats me like sh** and she always tells me no. i am a gay/lesbian female, and thats the only thing i can say my mother just really hates about me. my sister does drugs, she hoes around, she never does anything for my mother (i'm always the one coming to help my mother out) and she stays gone all the time and doesn't like to do simple things. I believe that my mother treats me this way because my father left her when he found out she was pregnant, and my sister's father didn't . i hardly do a lot around the house as it is, but stay to myself, and clean up every now and then. what can i do to be able to move out next year? i would love all the answers i can get. i am currently looking for a job, so if anyone has any suggestions, i'm open. god bless and thank you (yes i believe in god!!!!)

i'm going to move with my girlfriend. i'm definitely going to stay in school ,and i'm definitely going to college to be an obgyn. i know where i'm going to stay, and i'm working to get a job, but i just CAN'T stay here much longer. and i'm 16 now, and i wanna move out when i'm 17

i do not flaunt my sexuality in front of anyone's face, but i am also not ashamed of it. she has a gay sister and they get along very well. i only clean up every now and then, because when i do try to help her she says that she doesn't need my help, she's got it, and to just leave her alone. i know that there will be lots of expenses and everything it takes to actually live without my mother, because i used to live my father (my sister's father) when they seperated and my sister moved in with my mom, he was handicapped, and i took him places, ( he taught me how to drive), payed his bills ( with his money of course) i helped him with everything he needed. i stayed with him all thru elementary school and middle school. he taught me how to take care of myself at a very early age because he says he saw potential in me. i was very smart for a child. i babysat for 5 years, 3kids, and i learned how to manage my money that way. i have everything planned out, i just want her to say yes

Answer 1

Legally, she's responsible for you until you turn 18. If you move out without her permission, she could report you as a runaway. And if your girlfriend is 18 or over, she could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor or possibly even statutory rape, depending on the laws of your state.

I would respectfully ask her if you can move out when you turn 17. I would not mention the things you mentioned in your question. Be prepared to PROVE to her how you will support yourself while still attending school. Do NOT say anything that will anger her or show any lack of maturity.

If this doesn't work, you could petition the court to become what is called an "emancipated minor" - where you are under 18 but legally on your own. You would have all the rights and responsibilities of an adult - including the right to sign contracts and be stuck with them. Each state has different requirements for emancipation. At the very least, you will have to prove to the court that you can and will support youself while still attending school (the same proof you'll have to have when you ask your mother.) Do an internet search for "emancipated minor" and the name of your state to learn what else you will have to do.

Be forewarned, though. Think long and hard before trying to become an emancipated minor. If you go this route, I have no doubt that you will completely dissolve your relationship with your mother. (As bad as you may think things are, you do still have a relationship now.) If things don't work out and you fall flat on your face, you'll realize that things weren't really as bad as they seem to be now. And she legally could tell you that you made your bed, now lie in it.

It's only another year. Stick it out and get your education. If you leave home too soon, you may make mistakes that will cost you plenty and for a VERY long time.

Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, I encourage you to stay in your mother's home and finish high school. It will be nearly impossible to do while working full-time and supporting youself.

Second, you'll need to get a job and save up money. Your housing expense should be no more than 30% of your take home income. For a rental you'll usually have to make a deposit which is the same as your rent and first month's rent. Plus possibly deposits to have your utilities turned on. Unfortunately, persons under the age of 18 cannot enter into a contract, such as a lease agreement so I'm not sure how you'll go about finding a place to live.

If you have a plan just tell your mother what you want to do and how to go about doing it. Chances are she'll say no. In most states, it would be illegal to allow a minor to go out on their own. The good thing is when you're 18 you can do whatever you want without asking.

Unless there's an abusive situation at home you're better off where you are, even if treatment seems unfair. When you become an adult you'll find favortism in all aspects of life. Either iron things out with your mom or get used to it.

Answer 3

Just grow up. It sounds like you're being very petty and immature. If you are still in school and don't even have a job, how are you planning on supporting yourself? You clearly have no idea what it takes to live on your own.

You say you clean up "every now and then" .. that doesn't seem very responsible or like you're making an effort to get along with your mother. She probably works very hard trying to support you two and you don't even help out around the house?

Moving out at the age of 17 isn't the answer to your problems.

Do you flaunt your sexuality in your mother's face? I can see why she might not be pleased about that.

Answer 4

There is nothing "ethical" about moving out or not. Since ou may need to have your mother's permission to legally move out without being considered a runaway you are wise to get a job in order to support yourself. I can't imagine her giving permission if you can't support yourself. However, living away from home at that young of an age is very difficult and can end up with people taking advantage of you when you may be vulnerable.If you really feel that living at home is unbearable, ask to move if you feel it is what would be best. Just keep in mind that under normal circumstances, no one will ever love and care about you as much as your mother does, even if it doesn't seem like it to you now. On the other hand, many times mothers have a much better relationship after their child moves out. Then they can relate on a different level than while they are a child living at home. You really don't KNOW why your mother treats you differently than your sister. Even if you think you do, it may be only a perception of favortism toward her. As a mom of 5 kids from 14-33 I can tell you that each child is unique and the personalities of the child and way they interact with me has a lot to do with how they get treated. I love them all but "one size does NOT fit all" when it comes to relationships. When I perceive one of my kids as being mature enough for a certain thing, then I allow that no matter what the actual age. One of my boys waited almost two years longer to get his driver's license because I knew he wasn't really ready. He didn't think it was fair, but as the mom responsible for him, I knew he was better off to wait. As far as your mother hating you... since you mentioned your sexual orientation it seems as if you think that may have something to do with her feelings toward you. Maybe she doesn't hate YOU but doesn't agree with your sexual orientation and doesn't know how to separate you as a person, from that issue. Try to be patient and loving to her anyway so she will see that you are a good person in spite of something she may not understand or agree with.
God bless you as you struggle to mature and understand your mother.

Answer 5

she doesn't treat you that way because your dad left, she treats you like that because she's embarrassed at the fact that you're gay. it's so funny that you want an ethical way to leave your home when what you're doing is unethical. at 17 you still are under the control of your parents. you don't have a job you don't have anything.
listen gay or not the only way to get out of a bad situation is by education. finish school get a college degree or join the military. at age 17 they will take you. you cannot go into combat till you're 18 that will give you one year of training at what ever job you may be placed in. other than that you will have a rough road ahead. god bless you keep your head up stay in school. its your best bet.

Answer 6

Don't move out your only 17!!! You will make your life 20X's harder than it should be. I moved out when I was 16, it was the worst desicion of my life. I ended up being homeless, and living under a bridge for 2 months, thankfully my mother let me move back in. There is no job you can get, being 17 that will be able to support you. You will just end up screwing yourself in the long run. DONT DO IT!!

Answer 7

I don't think ethics has much to do with it. After reading what you wrote, I'm not sure talking to your mother about how you feel would work. After you get a job, save your money, and when you have enough to live on for three months, just move out! I don't think you have a lot to lose; do you?

Answer 8

Present to her a plan, with details and honesty, proving to her you are ready to make the change. You need to be able to support yourself, which isn't cheap. And BE HONEST with her about your reasons for moving out, you should be able to maintain a friendship if you so desire. But make sure you have a net to catch you before you jump

Answer 9

well i can tell you that she's responsible for you until you're 18. I dont think it would be fair to her if you moved out and you were on ur own and for her to still be resposible for you! Wait until you are 18. atleast it would be a little easier on her!

Answer 10

if you wanna move out here what you do
get a job
save money
prepare your place where are you moving to
and when
now when you ask your mother you also tell her how responsible you are and prove to her you can support yourself