I'll be 18 next month. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. He asked me to marry him on graduation night, but didn't have a ring. He said he wanted to get a good one etc. but it's been 6 months since then. He doesn't even want to talk about marriage. However, he doesn't want to break up with me. I'm not expecting to get married a month after we're engaged. We could be engaged for 2-3 years and I wouldn't care, I just want a promise that we will get married. Does he really want to or does he just want a lifelong girlfriend with no family, and no obligations or responsibilities?
2006-12-28 06:48:47 · 32 answers · asked by carriespnc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes he should have given you a ring. But the fact remains that you are impatient. It should come from his heart not from your pressures. Let it happen naturally. If after another six months of waiting without begging goes by then it will be time for you to rethink whether or not you should break up with him because it is not that much procrastinating. Good luck and remember "Patience is a virtue."
2006-12-28 06:55:32 · answer #1 · answered by starsmoonis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You're only 18; get some life experience, learn how to take care of yourself and don't be in a hurry to get married. There's no rush.
2. Your boyfriend probably realized that he made a mistake in proposing; not because he doesn't love you, but because you both have a lot in life to do before you marry.
3. If you don't know where you are with him in your relationship, then you shouldn't even think about marrying.
4. Making a promise to marry someone at this age is one that can't reasonably be kept. Give him credit for understanding that and not making a promise he can't keep.
I'm not sure that you fully understand what's involved in marriage. It's not all about rings, time limits or promises, but it does begin with good communication. That's a critical component that seems to be missing between you, otherwise you'd be on the same page.
Slow down. Marriage is too big a deal to be rushed into.
2006-12-28 07:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Lord girl, you are only 18 years old! Why even think about marriage let alone engagement at this young of an age? You have your whole life ahead of you. These days women don't marry that young. Go to college, get a career and then plan your life. By that time you may not even be with the same guy anyway. Couples who marry at such a young age usually don't stay married to each other for long. People still have alot of growing up to do in their 20's and even when they reach their 30's. Bottom line is - take your time with committing to a life long relationship. Evidently he isn't ready and I commend him for that.
2006-12-28 07:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by Maggie 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are 18 first of all..what do you really know about love when your life has just begun. This is your first real boyfriend and you sound like you care more about putting a rock on your finger than anything else. You need to relax and understand that life isn;t all about getting married the second you get out of high school. First you go to college where you have wild parties and many one night stands, then you get a good job and hang out at bars with your coworkers and have many more one night stands, then eventually you slip up and get pregnant by one of them. Thats how peoploe do it nowadays, ok sweetheart? Stop trying to go for 18-30 instead of 18-19...enjoy your life b/c tomorrow a car could hit you as cross the street and you will wake up from this dream..
2006-12-28 07:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by Blind Sighted 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, 18 and such angst! I miss being younger. I think you should concentrate on school and a career before you concentrate on him. He's obviously not ready to make that big jump, so you have to look out for your own interests. You are very young! The world is open for you right now. Don't worry your teen years away about this. I think he is in your "comfort zone" after four years, and I know it is horrible to jump out of that safety net, but if the relationship is stalled, it is going nowhere. Just ask him point blank if he sees you guys getting together in the future, set a time limit of some sort that you feel comfortable with, and then wait and see. The important thing is that you feel some control in the situation. Right now, I sense a bit of hopelessness. Don't give him that power! Good luck!
2006-12-28 06:58:09 · answer #5 · answered by Genius Squirrel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a job, get your own apartment, have your own car, and start to get your own life. Once he sees that you have it all together he will pop the question. If he doesn't pop the question, you will see how you really don't need a guy right now, and not mind it! You may even enjoy your new found freedom so much you say NO!
There are a couple of precursors to marriage. Proposing is just one. The others revolve around maturity. Like the steps already listed above. If he is still living with Mommy then he isn't ready. If he doesn't have a job, he's not ready. Time to re-evaluate your relationship!
2006-12-28 07:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No - dont break up with him. You are both rather young, and he is probably scared. You two have had such a long journey together, and he may be realizing how young he really is and how he doesnt want to be so tied down with marriage when he is trying to study and such for school. Even if it is an engagement for a few years, it will always weigh on his mind. I'm 21 and Ive been with my guy for 3 years - and I know that it is not even close to time to get married OR engaged.
2006-12-28 06:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by indianteardrops 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How has he not proposed? You just said that he asked you to marry him on graduation night. Just because he didn't have a ring for you doesn't mean that the proposal isn't legit. You just don't have a ring yet.
Plus, your only 18. That's so young. You both have some more growing up to do. If your considering breaking up with him just because you've been together for 4 years and you don't have a ring, then you're not even close to ready to get married.
2006-12-28 06:56:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand where you're coming from. I was with my last boyfriend for almost 3 years (and we're in our 20's) and he didn't propose. Thank God he didn't... it took me that long to realize that we didn't want the same things in life. Please also keep in mind that you're only 18, which is still very very young! I'm super glad I didn't marry any of the jerks I dated when I was that young!! Don't give ultimatums- then you'll always wonder if he did what he did because you made him. How about ask or discuss a promise ring- you don't need a diamond sweetie! Good luck to you!
2006-12-28 06:54:00 · answer #9 · answered by kellilicious5 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok... didn't even finish reading your question. Had to stop when you stated "I'll be 18 next month"
Please finish your education. YOUR WAAAAAY TOOO YOUNG!!!!! Please do some traveling and go to college, consider a career or excellent job opportunity and explore the world. There is a HUGE danger in marrying or even considering marriage at this point in your short young life. TRUST THIS!!!
Who you are at 18 is not who you'll be at 28... Your mental development process is still in the making and there's a strong guarantee for a disasterous marriage should you choose to marry this young. Your mind, attitude, tastes, likes and dislikes will change as you mature and experience life. DON'T do it!
2006-12-28 07:06:01 · answer #10 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋