I have been with my husband for 4 years. I recently found out that he has been unfaithful for the entire 4 years we've been together and I am in the process of saving money so that I can leave him and get a divorce which should happen very soon. The question is there is this guy at work (very hot I might add) who seems to be very interested in me. So far we have only had smoke breaks at work but he has suggested more and has even asked for my phone number. I have never cheated on anyone I've ever been with and until I found out what my husband was doing had never even really noticed this other guy. I just feel kinda guilty even talking to him in this way and spending time with him at work. What do you guys (and gals) think I should do?
2006-12-28 06:43:53 · 59 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
finish this relationship before starting another!
2006-12-28 06:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by lola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'm so sorry that your husband was unfaithful to you. Its not your fault, he's just doesn't deserve a good woman like yourself.
Have you contacted a lawyer? In many states if the couple is breaking up because of infidelity the judge will side with the innocent party. In other words you might get more alimony and stuff because your husband cheated on you. Contact your lawyer in regards to this.
Are you still living with your husband? You need to get somewhere far from him and start that process of divorce.
So far you have conducted yourself in a highly respectable manner. I don't know if you have children, but if you do, you are setting a good example for them.
Don't rush into a relationship with your co-worker until the divorce is final. Since if you would be cheating since the divorce is not final yet, then how different would that make you from your husband. You are above that. And this person at work is really someone thats going to be there for you for the long run, then you guys could stay as good friends and now and start a more serious relationship after the divorce is final.
In end this will be better because you will also gain his respect too.
Good Luck with everything and I wish you all the best in life.
With Love and Prayers, Smitha
2006-12-28 06:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by Smitha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are no longer living in the same house for more then 6 consecutive months (3 in certain provinces) you are considered legally seperated. Note, for a legal divorce, you MUST be seperated for the legal amount of time.
IF you start a new relationship AFTER the allotted time, most lawyers will use this as evidence for irreconcilable differences.
You also can use the fact that he has admittedly been cheating while you where married to help you with your case.
NO, you are not legally considered to be cheating, since he has broken the legal bindings of your marriage long before.
However, I would not recommend you get into another "serious" relationship or commitment this soon after your seperation from your husband. Take the time to get to know yourself again, and enjoy your singleness.
A long lasting friendship to learn and discover is the best thing leading to any long term of anything.
Good Luck!
2006-12-28 07:12:27 · answer #3 · answered by arcticraven77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two wrong do not make a right. Do not cheat on your husband even if he has cheated on you. You know how it feels and you should not be the kind of person that wants to make anyone feel that way. Save that money fast and then move out. Even then I would recommend you messing w/ this guy. Take time to yourself for a while and then if the feeling you have for this guy is still there go for it.....that is once you are divorced. You took the same vows he did so do not be the one to break them...do not fall to his level.
2006-12-28 06:48:59 · answer #4 · answered by lizzy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing (now) is not considered cheating. You are simply conversing with a co-worker. However, going to dinner and date-type things will be cheating. I know that what your husband did you was wrong, but two wrongs don't make a right. You should not return the "favor" simply because you are upset or hurt by what he did to you. Your husband wil have to answer for his actions. I do think that if you are at all interested in this guy you should let him know what's going on with you and ask if you can take it slow. Be friends first, that way you can learn about each other without making any drastic moves. I commend you and your decision to leave. Cheating is never justifiable and I admire your ability to stand up for yourself because you should not have to deal with that.I hope this new guy appreciates and cherishes you! Good luck and God bless!
2006-12-28 06:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by TRUST_ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you would technically be cheating to knock boots with this guy while you are still legally married, no matter what your husband has done. But, if you decide to do it and you are for sure getting the divorce, who is to say you are a bad person?
The problem is your conscience. It sounds like you are struggling with whether it is right or wrong. If you will violate your personal morals to be with this guy, you should abstain until the divorce. You need to be able to sleep good at night knowing that you did what you think is the right thing, instead of doing what you are trying to convince yourself is OK because you just want it to be OK.
Be true to your heart first.
2006-12-28 06:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No this is not cheating because obviously you spent 4 years with this guy while he cheated on you the whole time, you are not cheating you are just giving him a couple of weeks of payback until you get a divorce, enjoy it and have fun that is the only way to hurt him back the way that this hurted you because if you consider divorce him means that you must have been devastated so why don't you try to have a couple days of fun just like he did, so you don't keep on thinking about the stress of the divorce.
2006-12-28 06:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by Halal Pig Ok in Islam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a jerk, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.
As far as the guy at work goes, keep it friendly but don't do anything more than that right now, not until your divorce is complete. You feel guilty because you like this guy, there's nothing wrong with that, given what you're going through at home. If something comes out of it later on, he will respect you more for remaining friends right now.
2006-12-28 06:52:22 · answer #8 · answered by Nina Lee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU DID NOT CHEAT. Even if you flirted, it's okay. As long as there was no kiss-hug-sex-going on, you're okay. For the record, you can hook up with this guy as soon as you make it clear to your husband that it's over. After that, it's okay. (Notice the word okay is in here a lot) My advice to you is: Break the news to your husband-but keep the peace-and play coyly with this new guy's emotions. Not quite hard-to-get, but not exactly "I'm ready" either. Talk to him, flirt just a little, wear a -slightly-revealing top and work the magic. Go get laid and have fun!
2006-12-28 06:54:53 · answer #9 · answered by jordpr_93 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get the divorce first, then check out this new path for your life. If you get involved before you break it off, even if it an unfair accusation, your ex will be able to say that you were no better than him and fooled around on your marriage too. Don't give him that power. Explain to this new friend exactly what is going on, and that you need to close one chapter of your life before you can start another from scratch, with no conflicted feelings. If he is worthy of your attentions, he will understand your feelings and give you the time you need. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending time with a friend. Give yourself a break here. Your ex certainly isn't. Good luck!
2006-12-28 06:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by Genius Squirrel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally would wait a bit longer, If your divorce is imminent then wait until you have got it. At the moment you`re still married and it will be classed as being unfaithful, I know your husband is unfaithful, but don`t give him any ammunition to take to the divorce courts.
this other guy maybe only interested in one thing so be careful, there is nothing to stop you having good time and enjoying yourself, but be careful.
2006-12-28 06:52:36 · answer #11 · answered by Tatty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋