My boyfriends son was just killed and I really dont know what to say to him to offer some comfort without obvoious bringing up the painful death of his son. Its only been a day since the passing and we really havent spoken much since he is making funeral arrangement, but the time will come where we will have alone time and I dont want to say the wrong thing like, "How are you doing?" that question sounds so stupid knowing good an well he is not doing well at all. I also dont want to just talk about other stuff pretending nothing happend, but I also dont want to talk about "it" and pour salt in to his wound. How do I approach him? What do I say?
2006-12-28 06:43:27 · 10 answers · asked by snoopdog79936 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Not ever having to endure the loss of a child makes it so hard to know what to say--so we need to think of the next best thing--the loss of anyone we have loved and lost--I would think that if you let him know that if there is anything you can do for him to help with any of the arrangements or family gathering afterwords--or contacting his work--ANYTHING--then he needs to only ask--the worst thing you can say is that you know how he is feeling--unless you have walked in his shoes than you cant possibly know--that is what he will feel and think--and he could even voice that in a hateful way only due to his grieving--Be there stay close and be prepared to listen when he decides to talk--make sure you tend to his needs like making sure he eats--at least Little something--Remember his heart is not just broken it is shattered over this--we are raised to believe that we all will go before our children--so when the balance is upset this way its hard to tell how anyone will handle it--Just to break the ice you can be honest with him and tell him this---you are so hurt for him and don't believe there are words that can tell him how painful this is for him and that you too are pained just knowing how hurt he is--But whatever you do don't just stay away and say or do nothing--If all you can manage to do is hug him and hold him he will know that you have not turned away because it is awkward and he knows that--trust me he does--
2006-12-28 07:05:07 · answer #1 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you dont need to say anything wait until he needs to talk just give him more love and time and any little inbetween things you can do like make tea hold his hand when he as to listen to well meant condolences the little things you do with me enough to help him and before you sleep tell him you love him and its time to get a little restnothing else if he turns to you for sex this is a normal reaction in grief if not this is also normal he will get angry sometime later on and when this comes let him shout let him scream and when he calms down go him hold him if he turns you away this is not personal its a self made punishment for he will not be able to understand why he can have all he does and his son doesnt
Life will be hard for you both for a while and when you feel the need to cry scream whatever and you dont want him to see go for a hot bath and let it out dont bottle it up this will strain things for you both
2006-12-28 07:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by shannara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to tell him that you don't know what to say, but that you love him and will be there for him. What a terrible situation...sorry you are going through this.
I have this story that I told at my grandmother's funeral. I find it very comforting:
A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says she is gone.
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large now as when I last saw her. Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her.
And just at that moment, when someone at my side says she is gone, there are others who are watching her coming over their horizon and other voices take up a glad shout - There she comes!
Life is a horizon and death is just the limit of our sight.
Lift us up O Lord, that we may see further.
2006-12-28 07:11:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...I think you can start by saying that you really feel for him and ask if there is anything that you can do to help him through this. I can't think of much more than you just being there for him if he needs a ear to listen, a sholder to cry on or just a hug and kind words.
2006-12-28 06:46:57 · answer #4 · answered by mothersister_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't say ANYTHING!!!! Just be there for him, and let him know you love him. Tell him only once if he needs help with the arrangements, you will help, but more then likely he won't. Don't force him to talk, just be there!
2006-12-28 06:47:12 · answer #5 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry for the loss. All you can do is offer him support and ask if there is anything you can do for him. Listening and giving him a hug is about all you can do. The pain is too fresh.
2006-12-28 06:45:45 · answer #6 · answered by D N 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be a good listener! You may get sick of him talking about his child but be there for him. Tell him you are terribly sorry for his loss. Good luck.
2006-12-28 06:47:45 · answer #7 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take it one day at a time. Let him know that you are there for him. Tell him that if he needs you to help out in any way to please let you know.
2006-12-28 06:46:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know that you'll be there for him and let him know that you don't have the words to make it better. No one does. Just be there for him, he'll need you.
2006-12-28 06:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by capnemo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wrap your arma around him and say I am here for you baby!
2006-12-28 06:45:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋