My husband cheated on me multiple times while we were together & although we tried to work things out for a year he continued cheating on me regardless.
I left him & moved back home with family a year ago but we still aren't divorced. He kept telling me he would take care of it but he's never been one to keep his word. He went into the Navy shortly after I left him & he is now stationed in California. I have very little money right now because I had to leave my car behind when I moved & it's been hard getting a job with no transportation. I should also mention my husband wants me back & that's probably why he won't handle the divorce himself & I have a feeling he'll give me problems signing the papers if I come up with the money & file myself. He also has a girlfriend I should mention. Getting back with him is not an option. My question is, how would you recommend I go about getting a divorce? Should I contact his commanding officer and explain the situation? What should I do?
2006-12-28 06:42:15 · 18 answers · asked by Holly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YES, contact his commanding officer! Explain everything that you did here and IF he does have a girlfriend or is living with another woman he will be DISHONORABLE discharged!!! Ask the Navy what the procedure is and go ahead and file for the divorce and ask that he pay for all or part of your lawyer fees since he has the money and you don't!
Good luck!
2006-12-28 06:46:00 · answer #1 · answered by Mystic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The commander of his company will not do much other than council him on it. However through the military he has free legal services through JAG. I would contact him and let him know that you know all he has to do is have the papers drawn up. If he will not then let him know you wil speak to his commanding officer about the reason you are getting a divorce. The military really frowns upon anyone who is a cheater!! They don't tolerate it well at all. I am sure he would be forced to run, and run, an run for what he has done to you.
It is possible that he has changed. Who knows, maybe the military whipped him into shape. You may want to speak to his commanding officer or even the admin person in his unit to see if he has ever mentioned you and if he has said he was stupid to ruin it with you. You may be surprised!
Either way good luck! and God Bless!!! The military is not easy but the military wife is just as hard!!
2006-12-28 06:55:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is save up some money, hire a Private Investigator to do some digging on your husband's infidelities, you keep a journal on affairs he has had. Also consult a layer, there are some states where the law requires a husband to pay his wife's attorney's fee. You might be lucky to find a lawyer who can do some pro bono work for you (keep your fingers crossed). Also ask your lawyer to petition the court to get your car back, you might also be entitled to other property that you both had during the marriage, a lawyer would be best at telling you what you are entitled. I'm glad you are leaving the cheat, your deserve better, good luck to you in the new year.
2006-12-28 06:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by jasmine K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've met the residency requirements to file in your current location, just file locally, have him served and proceed with the divorce.
There may be some issues with him being in the military, such as if he's deployed, he may have more time to respond, etc, but that's probably not a big deal. It may impact how some "divorce clocks" start, but other than that.
You may want to contact his CO or "chief" and I'd recommend the chief, to make sure you are getting any allowances due you, especially if the two of you have children.
I think I would present the chief with SOME of any evidence of his girlfriend, and say how this reflects poorly on the Navy. It could put his security clearance and / or chances for promotion at risk, but is really the right thing to do.
His chain of command does have the right to know, as this sort of behavior reflects upon him, and may impact how he does his job, putting at risk, the lives of others.
Just make sure you don't start dating until the divorce is final. You are still married until it's final, which means you are not legally or morally available to any other man.
Not to mention, it reflects poorly on you to date while your husband, as awful as he might be is serving his nation.
2006-12-28 06:50:38 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contacting the CO would be like calling the fire department because you have a headache. It's not their job to resolve these matters. What if he called your boss and told them that you have a yeast infection. Get the point? File for divorce. If he refuses to sign off on the papers then you don't have a divorce. However, being that you are married, you are entitled to a certain percentage of his money BY LAW. If he won't give you a divorce, take the money or get a legal seperation, or both. He'll give in sooner or later after seeing all his money disappear.
2006-12-28 07:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by Martyr Machine 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
as a military spouse you are entitled to use base legal. Since you guys are still married he is required to still help support you. Once you contact legal.. see what they can do.. then if you really need to.. go to his XO/CO. Tell them everything. If you dont get what you are looking for there then go elsewhere. I went through exactly the same thing. The cheating bastard is in teh navy and find himself a 20 year old gf while i was visiting with my family. Make sure you get what you deserve and nothing less. You will find guys like that only marry for the money. its not much extra but to them.. its more than they had. Expecially if they go overseas.. so watch out.. hes a dirtbag just like my x... good luck if you need help finding military Legal (and its free) write me back.
2006-12-28 06:57:03 · answer #6 · answered by ms_coyote326 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a fee wavier from the court. And the only reason he don't file is because he doesn't want to pay. Not because he wants you back.Hello you said he has a girlfriend. Yes,I think you should call he's commanding officer he might be able to help you. I read on the military web site there's help for the spouse of a military man.
I just had one of those there no good they have a lot of head problems.I had to file everything just, do it. Don't talk to him or call him.
2006-12-28 06:53:58 · answer #7 · answered by melly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, contact everyone in his chain of command and every chaplain you can get to lend an ear. You need proof that he is seeing someone else...like if they are living together or he is paying her cell phone bill or even his cell phone records...also...go to your local legal aid office, you might qualify for them to pay for your divorce. The military frowns on adultery even if the state you live in does not. You may also be entitled to spousal support and medical coverage through the military for as long as it takes you to get a job and be able to provide for your own medical...also check into any parts of his retirement that you may be entitled to...Don't let him bully you by telling you that you have no rights. You are a military wife and you have more rights than he does. Any and all proof that you have concerning his adultery will come in handy. Good luck to you.
2006-12-28 06:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact the local Inspector General (IG) where he is stationed. I went through this with child support and found out that the IG is the one who handles all civilian-personnel disputes. Do a search on Google or whatever for Inspector General
2006-12-28 06:54:32 · answer #9 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't contact his commanding officer. Scrape together some money, and get an attorney. If there are problems with him signing papers, the attorney can advise you on that to minimize any difficulty.
2006-12-28 06:53:31 · answer #10 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋