He told me he wants the ring back because he's still making payments on it. Well there is no way on God's green earth he's getting the ring, but I'd like to know anyway, what is proper etiquette in this situation?
2006-12-28 06:38:18 · 93 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
An engagement ring is a conditional gift so if you had broken up prior to marriage, you would have to give it back (legally). But because you were married, you met the condition so it's yours to do with what you will.
And as far as the debt goes, he incurred that debt prior to marriage (I assume) so you shouldn't be on the hook for it either.
2006-12-28 06:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by glitterkittyy 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of states where laws are on the books regarding this. Check with your local laws but...
In my area, a ring is a promise to fullfill a legally binding contract. Its your "Gift with purchase" so to speak.
So if you return the purchase, you should return the gift, too. That's how most states look at it.
HOWEVER-- if you were the one to ask for the divorce, it is courtesy/ettiquette, to return the ring.
If HE was the one to ask for the divorce, it is ettiquette to let the woman keep the ring.
Why? Well whoever has asked for the "return of the purchase" is the one who is breaking the contract and they are the one who should, in theory, give up the gift.
In situations where the ring is a family heirloom (Great great great grandma's last dying wish to have her 9th generation away grand daughter wear it...etc) then its just common kindness to return the ring OR promise to pass it along to the child in the relationship (if there is one) to respect Greatx6 grandma's wishes.
If you do not return the ring and, in your state the laws require you to do so, you could have the ring's value removed from any alimony settlements/child support, etc.
Sometimes its just easier to return it and say "Fine. Be childish and take the ring!" rather than fight it in court. Its just a ring in the long run-- unless you're going to hock it to put food on the table, its not worth the battle in lots of states.
2006-12-28 06:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by kerrisonr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm no lawyer, but I'm going to make a guess that the ring is essentially a gift and not part of the marital property that you both share. So, it's yours.
Morally, ethically, I don't think his payments on your ring are of any concern to you. As he is the person whose name appears on whatever payment plan he has for that item, he is the one responsible for the debt. Now, if your name is on that (say, as a co-signer of a loan), then the debt can be yours as well.
I wouldn't hazard a guess as to the proper etiquette to this situation. I would say that you are within your rights to hang onto the ring until told otherwise (meaning a divorce court or other lawful agency).
2006-12-28 06:44:34 · answer #3 · answered by auken_hill 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what state you live in, you could be responsible for 1/2 of all of both of your bills so him still paying on it is not an issue for arguement, let that part be settled in court.
As for him asking for the ring back, and you did say he was cheating on you, he either wants it for the money factor, or to give to another woman, yes many, many, (not all, but many) men have been known to stoop to this level of creepyness. And, since you have stated that there was betrayal involved, you will never trust his reason, even if he was telling the truth.
The real issue lies in what does the ring mean to you?
You have to think long and hard, get past the hurt and the mad, and figure out what that piece of jewlery means to you. If that ring has special meaning to you, then by all means, you are more than entitled to keep it. But, if it no longer has any meaning, except as a reminder of what he did, why not give it back?
If you choose to give it back, I would wait until your divorce goes to court so it can be used as a bargaining tool on your behalf.
Etiquette rules were made up by someone who didn't get their way and one rule does not apply to every situation. You have to do what you have to do for you no matter what others say, think, or feel about it.
Good luck, and know that there are still good men out there!
2006-12-28 06:57:10 · answer #4 · answered by nursebetty06 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I assume you're talking about the engagement ring. Ask any court and here is what they Will tell you:
An engagement right is sort of a collateral for a binding contract (marriage). If the guy breaks off the engagement, usually you can keep the ring. If you break it off, you will be legally obligated to give it back. Because you were married, the ring is yours as the contract has been fulfilled.
2006-12-28 06:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already made your decision not to give it back, but that is only your anger talking. Take a deep breath and think seriously about this. You don't need his ring, as the meaning in which it was given is no longer there. He is a jerk, so just give the ring back and be done with any future broken promises from this man. You are angry, so you are holding on to the ring, but in a way, you are also holding on to him too. I know he has broken your heart, but don't let him have that power over you. You are smarter than that. Just realize he is a jerk, and that you are not. Then, give him the ring, and forever wipe the dust from your feet of him, so to speak. Good luck!
2006-12-28 06:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by Genius Squirrel 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you were only engaged, then it should be given back. It was only for the promise of a future. Because it was a wedding set, you are NOT obligated to give it back, paid off or not, because the wedding took place. There is no judge in the world who would make you give back a wedding ring to the ex husband. It is yours to do with any way you please.
2006-12-28 07:10:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding ring, in legal terms, is called "a gift in contemplation of marriage". If you did not actually marry him, than legally, he could sue to get the ring back and he would win. If you did marry him, than the ring is yours to keep. According ot etiquette, if he doesn't like taking money out of his wallet to pay for YOUR ring, he should have kept it in his pants.
2006-12-28 06:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by walter003@sbcglobal.net 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Proper ettiquette? Forget that!! The ring was a present- if you and your mom get in a fight, do you give her back the sweater she bought you for Christmas? NO. HE cheated, keep the ring and I support you (I'm sure others will too). Good for you!!!
P.S. tell him you don't care how long or how much he pays on the ring- he'll never see it again!
2006-12-28 06:40:52 · answer #9 · answered by kellilicious5 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Natalie, Now you know the truth. He actually brought you something what pet-owners buy for their pets. A ring, a belt, a ..whatever. That is what he did. If there was any emotions playing here, he wouldnt have, and you know it. I like your courage, and your sincerity. Perhaps you ask this question, cos you dont believe it yourself that he could be a b&&&& whatver. He asked for your ring back, cos' perhaps, he is trying to convince himself. You say he is ''ex-husband'' (soon to be), he trying to erase things he dont want to accept. And it is sooo damn sad, that he is your husband after all. Reminds me of someone, who threw off the ring, and the necklace, cos she wanted to convince herself that she is not married. There is no ettiquette conected to a situation like this. We are animals, and we will always stay that way, no matter how mch we convince ourselves
2006-12-28 06:47:51 · answer #10 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I suppose you will get 1/2 of that debt anyway in the divorce, so perhaps it's a better move financially to make sure that debt is paid off so you don't end up with 1/2 of it.
It's gauche to ask for the ring back, but keeping it MAY hurt you financially.
2006-12-28 06:43:25 · answer #11 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋