Did you divorce in your 20's? My friend who is devastated!?

Question

My friend is 24, she was in a crazy rush to get married (3 engagements in 2 years).

She met this guy through her brother, he is a good person and treats her nice compared to her ex-boyfriends.

They got engaged after 3 weeks of dating and married 8 months later. Within a few months of the wedding she was already regretting the marriage. She has kissed her co-worker, hangs out with this guy she says she still loves, and fights with her husband a lot over everything.

She wants a divorce, but her husband says it's against his religion and wants her to try to love him and learn to be happy with him.

Their 2nd anniversary is coming up and she still wants a divorce, but it devastated to be 24 and divorced. She told him she doesn't want to have children and wants out before she gets pregnant.

Did you divorce in your 20's? How did you deal with it? She doesn't want to be a "failure" by divorcing so soon.

Answer 1

She's a failure because she keeps mac'in with other dudes!!!!!!!!!!! She sounds like a spoiled child who is "playing" grown up and can't handle reality. She is horribly SELFISH!!! Be a real friend and tell her the truth.

Answer 2

I divorced when I was 26. But my situation is a little different. The man I had married was my boyfriend since I was 15. We had a lot of history. It was hard - definitly. When you are with someone for that long it's scary to contemplate being on your own. I had to do it. I postponed the divorce for a year since he didn't want one and we tried to make it work. The problem was that we had grown in different ways. We were so young when we started dating. It doesn't sound like your friend really gave the marriage a go if she started regretting it after a few months. It ultimatly is her decision. He can't tell her no - she can still file for divorce if that's what she wants. She will find someone else and she is not a failure. I think she rushed the first time - but we all make mistakes.

Answer 3

She was a failure by getting married for the wrong reasons to a man she didn't love, kissing another man while married, and hanging out with a man she still loves, not by getting divorced in her 20's. It amazes me how people treat divorce these days. Its like breaking up to these jerks, That is quite a friend you got there. Tell the guy to leave on your own and everything she is doing and try to safe what little bit of pride and self confidence he still has. God, what a bi**h---By the way Brooke S---it is not a question of her not loving him after a couple of years and never loving him--she should have never married him in the first place! What the f*** is wrong with you people.

Answer 4

I married at 20 (met at 18) and divorved at 25. I endured over 2 years of a bad marriage before finally throwing in the towel. I was scared, didn't know if I could "make it" without him, etc. But i knew I had to leave. My whole person had changed during our marriage. I wasn't ME anymore. I turned into an emotional wreck. He cheated on me and continued to disrespect me after I caught him. Leaving him was sooooo hard, but as soon as I did, my life changed. I became so strong again. I was happy & every one noticed. Soon after we separated I ran into my high school sweetie and we are now engaged. Life gets better. Hang in there. Biggest thing is - I can't regret my marriage because it made me a stronger person. I know know the type of behavior I will not accept and I am not afraid to stand up for myself. Use it to your advantage. Divorce does not make you a failure. If you use it right, it makes you wiser.

Answer 5

I divorced my first husband at 22, then married my current husband shortly after. I'd only known him 8 months, we have been very happily married for 20+years.. It was very hard on everyone involved. My first husband claimed he still loved me and wanted to work everything out. It was too late, I wasn't looking for love or marriage, I just fell deeply in love with a man who showed me what real love is. I cared deeply for my first husband and still do, however, I am VERY glad we didn't have children together. To deal with it? Take it one day at a time, and have someone nearby to cry with/to. Tell her she's not a failure, just trying to figure out life. Now I'm sure she sees that it's not being married that makes her happy, it's sharing her life with someone she loves, married or not. Good Luck! = )

Answer 6

I'm 24 and I know what that feels like, but honestly if she isn't in love and it's only been a couple of years she will never love him. She needs to stop thinking of it as a failure and instead a lesson that she will need to use when making the choice in finding some one else. She sounds like she got married too young and didn't wait long enough to find out if she was in love or lust. It's better to get out now instead of hanging around and wasting both of their time and possibly to wind up bringing a kid into the mix, that's when it gets hard to leave.

Answer 7

I'll be 26 in February, and go to court for my divorce hearing on January 3rd. I was married to this guy for 2 1/2 years, but dated him all through college before that, so I know where she's coming from.

One thing I can tell her is that it's going to be hard to start dating again. Peole are going to look at her differently because she's so young and already divorced. At least that's what's happening to me. My ex, on the other hand, is already living with someone else...people see it a lot differently with men than they do women.

If she's unhappy, she needs to get out. Now. Before she involves any children.

Answer 8

I married when I was twenty and divorced when I was 24. Yes it does stamp "used" on your forhead. But it will scare off the ones who are just messing around with relationships. They know you are serious. The problem I have with all that you wrote was, "she wants out before she gets pregnant." If she doesnt love her husband, why is she still having sex with him? She will not be a failure. She just seems like she needs to mature a little more. Tell her good luck.

Answer 9

I met my now ex-husband at 16, was married at 18, and divorced this year at 23 and although it was a very difficult process to get where I am now, I do not look at it as a failure and see it more as a triumph for getting out of a relationship that was so emotionally draining and that made me miserable with my life. If you want to see the extent of my marriage and what was wrong with it, you check out a lot of my answers because I try to use my own bad experience to help people who have gone through similar things. However, for this question I do not think that the actual context as to why I am now divorced applies. I remember when I first was married and how everyone was partially against it because of the fact that we were so young and that they believed that we wouldn't make it...That thought stuck with me for a long time because I truly believed that our love was different (surprise, surprise..lol..) and that we could beat that statistics and never end in divorce. Well I was wrong and last March, I kicked my ex out because of very justifiable reasons (cheating, amongst other things) and remember that same thought of being a 'failure' ringing through my head. No one wants to be on that side of the continuum of being a divorcee because of the stigma that society places on it. I mean they won't classify you as being single but put this label on, almost like they stamped 'marriage reject' on your head...lol...However, it's nothing more then that and her going through a divorce might have been a mistake but it does not equate that she was a failure. Perhaps there is a valuable lesson to be learned here considering how quick she was to want to be married and settle down, when in reality she wasn't ready yet and has now learned about the obligations and responsibilities that come with being married. She needs to see divorce as a good thing and to realize that it not only signifies an ending to the marriage but a new start and fresh beginning to her future (and hopefully that is one where she is completely content and happy). I refuse to think of myself as a failure because I know there is more to who I am beyond the context of ex-wife and if anyone sees it differently, then it is a flaw within their character and not mine. I feel that divorcing my ex was more of a sign of courage and triumph rather then 'failure' because I was miserable and endured a lot of bs on his behalf and was always too scared to leave and I finally had enough and realized that I could make it on my own and that I didn't care what anyone thought because my happiness and well being was more important then some ignorant person's opinion. If a guy doesn't want to date her because she is divorced then obviously he is not worth it either because he is neither mature or responsible enough to understand that it does not make one a bad person to have gone through a divorce at such a young age. We are all human and make mistakes and I think that it is better that she found out now then later and the sooner she gets out the better. Someone used to tell me to get out and stop dealing with the circumstances that my marriage brought because he didn't want to me to wake up one day years from now realizing that I could've and should have left the marriage sooner. The way I dealt with the divorce was to keep myself occupied with hobbies and things I like to do, I had (or rather have) a great network of friends and family who are there to support and listen to me about anything, and I write a lot to vent out any emotions. I wish your friend nothing but the best of luck and hope she really does come to accept and understand that no one will think of her as a failure and that even if anyone did, then they are just narrow-minded and arent worth the time or the effort. She will be able to overcome this and although the process may take some time her wounds will eventually heal and she will hopefully at least be able to take a lesson about marriage, relationships, and herself out of this and find happiness in her future endeavors.

Answer 10

Her failure is getting married too early in life. I was divorced at 25 after a year of marriage and it was horrible. The feelings of failure are, at times, overwhelming. Only time heals the wounds caused by such a situation. I wanted my wife to stay but am glad we broke up because she was as selfish and self centered as your friend sounds to be.

Answer 11

I gto a divorce when I was 28. it was very hard to go through, but I also had a child wiht him. No matter what age you are, it is going to be hard. This girl needs to learn to be independant and needs to steer clear of relationships. Also she needs to at least concentrate on her husband and not on other guys. That just makes her look really bad.
I do not see myself as a failure for asking for a divorce and now being divorced. It is just part of life.