Need help understanding MEN & my HUSBAND!!!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. We argue a lot. Neither of us have cheated and I think my husband wants to make our marriage work as much as I do. The main problem is that my husbad never wants to talk to me about how he feels or just what's going on with him in general. I'm only 22 and I feel like a nagging ball and chain hag wife and I want to be the cool, fun, awesome wife I thought I would be. I don't want to nag my husband to death or pull away from him to the point where he seeks comfort elsewhere. He is often very negative and doesn't pay atention to me. I feel totally unappreciated and taken for granted. He says it has a lot to do with not liking his job, but I can't help but to think that he's not happy being with me. We don't have any children yet and one of the things we wanted for ourselves before kids was to have a stable marriage. Is this just common between men vs. women? I feel like we're stuck in a really bad rut - serious answers only please!!!

Is this just a classic battle between a man and a woman or does it seem taht there is more to it? I can't help but to think I'm just approaching him the wrong way - MARRIED MEN - I want YOUR help!!! What does your wife do that is ineffective or what does she do that IS effective? HAPPILY MARRIED WOMEN - what can I do to make my husband happier in our marriage? I don't want to lose our love in between all of the day-to-day chaos and work crap that goes on. What should I do???

Answer 1

Sounds pretty normal to this old guy. You have worn out the honeymoon stage of your relationship. Maybe there is more going on inside your husband than he is currently sharing with you. If you are both open minded enough to seek help from a third party I might suggest that you either seek the help of a professional relationship counselor or sex therapist. Both would have to keep an open mind and lay all the cards on the table and what is discussed there would have to stay there. You may hear things that aren't so pretty but if you are willing to try and compromise (both parties and not just you) then hopefully you can build on your relationship and grow old and happy together. Married life is not as easy as some would have you believe but with a lot of hard work and love it can and will last forever and grow into a true partnership. Best of luck and hope that this was at least a bit helpful.

Answer 2

Admitting that you don't know something and asking for help is your first step. Then find out how much your husband wants to help you with your insecurities and issues. If he cares about saving the marriage he will in a heart beat go with you to find that help AND be an active committed participant in the process. Your questions are your feelings and legitimate and should be respected and acknowledged by your husband. If he uses your fears against you then he will be considered highly insensitive and caulous. It will be then your turn to make the decision not about your marriage but for YOU. If you are not happy in a marriage and your husband doesn't care and you have no children you sound like you dodged a bullet and can make a decision without having to override YOUR needs and feelings because of children. Relationships are hard to break but if the other person doesn't care about you or your needs and desires then you really aren't in a relationship at least not a healthy or safe one. Good Luck and I wish you wisdom, courage and strength in this situation.

Answer 3

Run - dont walk - to a marriage therapist. Part of what i see right off is that you were very young when you married and the personality changes that are probably the biggest ones you will go thru happen during the late teen early 20s years. You are most likely a different person than you were when you married and so is he. I do not doubt you love each other, but an objective third party might be able to put things more clearly for each of you to help understand that other, and by ALL means, do NOT bring a child in to this until you can feel like it will enhance a wonderful life, not add to a miserable marriage. - PS - yes this is very common and you can overcome it.

Answer 4

Honesty I am going through a Divorce because she lied all the time. The lies were common lies like how much she paid for things and stuff like that just simple little thing that had no impact on anything. The other thing is compasion you have to give to receive when is the last time you met him at the door when he got home to kiss him and ask how his day was. When is the last time you told to sleep in on his day off and fixed him breakfast in bed these are some common things that really mean a llot to us. If he is a passinate man and not afraid of public affection when is the last time you grabed his but in the grocery store and wispered dirty little things you were gonna do to him later. If you answer these things with a long time then you should try it. We as men are not hard to please but also require som TLC and when we are happy and feeling loved I can assure you it will be returned. I have seen allot of times where my friends and there wives are not getting along and it was because she never showed him affection which in turn caused him to pull away be less responsive to the little things like her getting her nails done. Let me give you an example if a woman gets her nails done she expects the man to mention them or say how nice they are, well what if when she got home she came right up to him and said "baby I got my nails done your get scratched up tonight"

Answer 5

This sounds just like me and my husband. He says exactly the same thing about his job!! I said that I dont believe that because he had the job before I came along. I've gotten to the point where I just dont say anything anymore. Its totally useless. I dont have it figured out yet and we've been together 16 years. I did remind him that he wouldnt leave me alone when we first met, now I cant get him to say a word. I am anxious to see the rest of your replys because I am in the same kind of relationship as you. My husband is also very, very negative. Children will not make it any better. We have a daughter, and now he only talks to her.lol Good luck to the both of us. I wish that I could give you an answer, but I'm looking for it myself.

Answer 6

I think you may not know how to communicate effectively. My wife and I are the same ages as you. Yes, us men have a hard time communicating our feelings, but it takes an effort on both parts. I suggest read Love and Respect. It was a good book that helped out a lot in our marriage.

Answer 7

I have been throught his myelf in my marriage. When something bothers me I have to blow up in order to get my point across and I hate it. I feel like i am nagging at him all the time to. You are young and have many years ahead you both need better communication it shouldnt take you to blow up like I do to get him to talk. My husband was the same way to he didnt pay attention to me or the kids and he said to me its because of his job,he worried about paying for everything,his grandfather who is ill,etc. And I told him that its affecting our marriage that he needs to seperate all that and not let it be a problem in our marriage. Since he has done alot better w/communicating and not letting these things affect our marriage. If he decides to give up and we lose everything we fall together and i told him I dont care about the money I care about us and our kids. You are right you both need to get your marriage straightened out before you have kids because they need two parents who not only love them but love each other and they need to see that. If he loves you he will do whatever it takes to put the sparks back into your marriage just ask him what will make it better what you can do I wish you best of luck and I hope things are better and you can both go the next step and start having a family.

Answer 8

this is very ironic! I am 22 and April 12 will be 4 years of being married . We are opposite though. My husband is the outgoing one and I am the shy one. I would hold it all in till i would just explode!! so lately i have really been trying to tell him things. it takes time.(as my husband has found out) be patient. and also when you start a conversation NEVER start it of with something negative! start with something like; "thank you for folding the laundry. I really appreciate it" (obviously it doesn't have to be the laundry) just start with something positive! if you start with something negative he will be defensive! that's not good. we also like couch time spend ten min a day with the TV off just talking about how each other day was and just catching up! it has helped us greatly! I hope some of these help you! Good luck!

Answer 9

You are the architect of your relationship, solid or weak is what you invest in it. Nag, fight and built a weak foundation, then of course, come rainy day and it will all tumble down.

Also Men in general don't express feelings like we women do. And by nagging to him about it, you are not only putting so much pressure on the guy but at the same time you are just displaying your age and immature nature.

For him to be able to trust, respect and be comfortable about expressing his feelings to you, you need to relax and conduct yourself in a wise and mature way.

In love, there is giving, understanding, being patient too.

Answer 10

You are still young. You can use this as a time to develop yourself and your interests. I don't know how old your husband is but he probably does not feel he wants to be married all the time. He doesn't always want to see you as a ball and chain. Don't put the focus on being a "cool, fun, awesome WIFE". Put the focus on being a cool, fun, awesome person. This will spark his interest in you as you will become more interesting. As you become an interesting person, so will he. You guys are still growing into yourselves. Take it all in stride. Don't force the issue. Get some girlfriends. Hang out with them more. Don't put all your focus and energy on him. Things will work out.