My divorced boyfriend of 2 years found out 6 months ago he was still legally married to his ex. Some legal papers weren't properly processed....blah blah blah. They both lived in Montana at the time, he now resides in Illinois and she resides in New Jersey. Here's my dilemna..I keep on him about getting the divorce taken care of. He says he won't because he doesn't have the money to fork out to another lawyer and it's just a piece of paper. He doesn't feel married to her. He's happy with me. However, I have expressed my interest in getting engaged but he still won't/don't want to finalize the divorce. He feels scared at the propsect of another failed marriage and is in no hurry to go down that road. I understand that aspect of it. That means my future is in limbo because I don't know what my future holds with him. My question is, how long am I suppose to wait until he "feels differently" and may want to get married. Or do I end the relationship and find someone who does want marriage?
2006-12-28 05:53:35 · 12 answers · asked by corona_1215 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel, if he doesn't understand then yes you should go own with your life, you deserve better.
2006-12-28 05:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by mprice9802 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot depends on how much need you have to get married. Whether or not his divorce is official or not is a side matter. He may never decide to get married again.
Which means more to you, him or being married?
On a side note, I am curious about how he 'found out' that he was still legally married. And since he hired lawyers the first time, why wouldn't they be the ones that would have to fix things and complete the job they were paid to do. You obviously know more details then listed here, but with what I have read I can't help but wonder if the timing of 'finding out' he was still married coincided with you pushing to get engaged.
2006-12-28 06:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by tm_tech32 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I feel him as far as not wanting to get married. Those of us in this situation have a harder time trusting a marriage, though I do someday want to get married again, I just want to wait a bit. Anyways as far as paperwork goes, I am divorced from my ex though paper work doesn't say it I am. It's been 2 years, I do want to get the paper work done however it costs a lot of money that I don't have. So really I don't blame him for not wanting to get right on it. It also takes time too. I would suggest that you help him with it if you want him to propose, or at least call around to find the best price and the quickest route. I know it wasn't your marriage but if he sees that you want to help him because you care then he may be more inclined to think more about proposing.
2006-12-28 06:00:06 · answer #3 · answered by WINGS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to wait on someone that hasn't even let go of his first marriage. Did this come out because you have been wanting to get engaged? If so then he could of been lieing to you from the beginning. If.... he started a relationship on a lie, then what else has he been lieing to you about. That's what I would ask but I dont know the whole story just going by what you've said. I believe I would want a willing partner in marriage.
2006-12-28 06:09:01 · answer #4 · answered by sweetness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its just best for you to move on...Also my husband was previously married....so i know how that whole issue works...but if hes is going around in circles with not wanting to finalize the divorce then maybe he still has feeling for this woman and just doesnt want to grant her the divorce...you should really think about it if he is with you and not legally divorce maybe he isnt taking you seriously.....iam sorry but thats just my opinion....
2006-12-28 05:58:33 · answer #5 · answered by R.J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should find someone who won't lie...it seems weird that he won't divorce...he could save up the money and do what he needs to do...you should find someone who wants what you want...because if this guy isn't going to divorce now he will never do it or it will take a long and and you'll get tired of waiting
2006-12-28 06:05:11 · answer #6 · answered by Gordita de Oro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldnt stick around waiting for him to commit, &/or take care of things. That tells me that I wouldnt be happy with one who's unable to make a decision. Nor would I seek anyone else. Freedom is Wonderful! Try it, you may like it. And who knows what may cross your path! Best Wishes for a fun filled NEW YEAR!
2006-12-28 05:59:19 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you letting him control YOUR future? Tell him that you want to get married. Ask him if this is something he's willing to work on. Let him know he needs to follow through with his divorce. If he's can't/won't do what you need him to do, then you need to evaluate your situation. Why stick with someone who doesn't fulfill your needs?
2006-12-28 05:58:06 · answer #8 · answered by redrum42482 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to say this, but you need someone who wants to be married, you need someone who can make YOU happy and not make you stuck in limbo on this... trust me when it ends and you find a person that has your same intrestes it is true happiness and bliss.. you'll thank yourself later ;)
2006-12-28 05:57:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him you realize his fears and they are very real but you aren't like her and you want to spend the rest of your life with him. you love him very much but if he doesn't want to continue into the future with you then you will find someone who will. he needs to get over the past. tell him you can wait for him as long as you know that he will marry you one day and not just keep you waiting. that is not fair.
2006-12-28 05:57:51 · answer #10 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋