My friend is going through baby madness and wants a child so bad. The only problem is her boyfriend and her both work at Walmart. They hardly make enough money to support themselves. Her plan is to get pregnant and go on welfare. As much as I want her to be happy, I feel like she's making the biggest mistake of her life. They have a small house and no room to even have a room for the baby. Do I keep my mouth shut or try to say something without hurting her?
2006-12-28 05:45:07 · 20 answers · asked by ~*~A~*~ 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I know, easier said than done but we both know it's wrong to bring a child into a home that is financially unstable. When you have baby on the brain you tend to forget what all comes with it. I think the best thing to do is be honest with you, of course she's going to be mad with you at first but explain to her how hard it actually is. If your not a mother yourself ask someone who is to speak to her with you. I had my son when i was 18 and had to go on welfare because i could barley afford to take care of myself but that doesn't mean it makes it any easier. I was ashamed that i couldn't afford to take care of my baby on my own and worked my butt off to get off of it. I don't know why anyone would want to have a baby that they can't afford to take care of themselves! It's the hardest thing in the world to do, being a parent. If you are a true friend you will do your hardest into making sure she doesn't make the biggest mistake of her life. My friend went through the same thing and now, a new mommy, she knows where i was coming from!! Live and learn!
2006-12-28 05:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she should apply to work at a daycare? Not only will she make more money, but she'll see first hand what a hand full a baby can really be. She may change her mind, she may not. Having a baby is a handful, and you're never really just ready. It would be wise for her to wait until she's more finacially stable. Perhaps you could convince her to start a savings account and let it reach a certain amount before trying to conceive? Welfare, might not work out for her. It's not a hand out, but more a helping hand. It's not meant to be long term, it's meant to help you get on your feet. I don't think it's wise for her to count on it, it can be harder to get than she thinks.
Someone that answered before me said she's just being selfish. Is it really selfish to want a baby? I don't think so. It is selfish,and unwise, to expect the taxpayers to pay for that baby. She needs to get health insurance and start saving. She needs to make sure it's what they BOTH want, and she needs to make sure that she has room for a little person. Other than that, I'm glad my Mom was so selfish as to want a baby, when she wasn't that well off.
You're her friend, help her prepare for wanting a baby. She doesn't have to have one tomorrow. Talk to her about setting goals. She needs to have a decent place to live. She needs to have a good stable relationship, dare a say a marriage, before she has a baby. She needs to have some money to fall back on, in case something happens. Bring these things to her attention. Don't tell her, you shouldn't have a baby, because she's not going to hear that. Tell her, she needs to plan ahead to have a baby. She needs to prepare herself, and the world around her first. Then full steam ahead.
2006-12-28 14:12:59 · answer #2 · answered by Patty O' Green 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would let your friend know how you feel and think they should wait till they make a little more money and have things figured out. Having a baby changes everything and living off the state you dont get much at all . Let her know that even food stamps is so hard to get . Its not all that fun when you have a baby no more going out when you want and she even needs to think about who is going to watch the baby when her or her bf is at work. Also when you have a baby most of the time your body dont go back to your normal body. You need to have her think big time .
2006-12-28 13:52:17 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure plenty of people who work at Walmart have kids. I think theres a way that you can tell her your concerns without hurting her feelings. Maybe she is so baby crazy that she actually hasn't really thought the whole thing through. Let her know that you are worried and that maybe this isn't the best time for them to get pregnant.
Ultimately its her life and her decision, so if you want to be a good friend, support her even if you don't agree.
2006-12-28 13:58:09 · answer #4 · answered by redsox fan 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Depends how close you are to her. I'd bring it up just once to her - tell her you know she's excited about the prospects of a baby but you're worried because of the financial position she'll put herself in. Surely the boyfriend isn't thrilled about the idea? Get her reaction and then leave it at that - it's all you can do.
And if she brings up the welfare issue - Welfare is supposed to be for people that don't have a choice about their situation in life - not for people who choose to put themselves in a bad situation because it's what they think they want. The welfare route is not an easy one....
2006-12-28 13:59:41 · answer #5 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advice on this subject is rarely welcome and I think you'd be better off supporting her decision to have a child and counseling her to avoid welfare. I don't think a plan to go on Welfare is a very good one, as it becomes really difficult to get off it.
You might be able to point her towards options besides welfare. Depending on where you live, there are a multitude of ways to ease the financial burden. We live in Los Angeles and there is healthcare for children of families that don't qualify for government assistance, yet don't make enough to afford healthcare.
Mom's groups and craigslist will give her access to free or cheap baby gear & clothes. I posted an ad offering to trade graphic design and got a free crib and exersaucer from kind people that didn't even need my services.
2006-12-28 13:51:15 · answer #6 · answered by eli_star 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that welfare is not a good thing to be on and she is being selfish. What about this baby? Maybe you can convince her to get in school and get an education so she can provide for herself and then the baby will come. I am not saying it would not work, but it would be better for baby if someone had a decent job. Good luck!!
2006-12-28 13:53:53 · answer #7 · answered by Lost in Maryland 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should tell her to look at where she is right now and what she is doing. ask her does she really want her baby to grow up with out the best. tell her that she should be patient there is a time for everything and right now in the present she needs to focus on her job and making more money so that her and her boyfriend can get a new place with more room also tell that she should be sure her boyfriend is the one she wants to have her baby with. if so then they should get married before they have a kid.
2006-12-28 14:19:02 · answer #8 · answered by easy_chic2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that planning to have a child and go on welfare is really bad.
If she wants to raise a child she needs to be able to afford the child. I shouldn't have to pay for it.
Don't think I am mean I understand that lots of people need financial help and I think they should get that help. HOWEVER, flat out planning to use the system in that way is not cool.
2006-12-28 13:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should definetley say something to her. Tell her you only want what is best for her: right now she cannot support a child, but if she works hard, she can in the future. You're right when you say she would be making a very big mistake. Babies are amazing and fun, but they are also a huge responsibility, a responsibility she won't be able to shrug off.
2006-12-28 13:52:26 · answer #10 · answered by jarlie88 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋