How do I get my wife to keep a job?

Question

We've been married for 11 years in Feb. We had a very profitable business that we had to close about 6 year ago. Of course, I went back to work (which I hated after being my own boss for 5 years.) But, since then she just won't keep a job. She didn't work from 2000 to 2005 because we adopted a little girl and she stayed home w/here...which is fine. She went and got a good job. So, we had to another vehicle which was an extra $300/mo and we refinanced the house for some improvements which raised our mortgage $200/mo. Then, in August she just up and quit to do home daycare. She went from $2K to $250/mo. Now, our mortgage is behind both vehicles payments are behind, we are constantly getting disconnect notices and she just get what is happening to our financial future.

I am really thinking about divorce, but I'm trapped either way. She refused to take any responsiblity other than wanting to stay home w/kids. Any suggestions? Getting desperate.

Answer 1

Well, let's take it from the practical point of view. Since your wife doesn't really need a car, you need to sell it. Place it on Autotrader.com which will cost you about $65. It is a one-time fee that is good until the car is sold and will only attract people who have enough money to buy a computer and your car.
Your next step needs to be to capitalize on what your wife already likes to do--child care. Get her another two or three kids to babysit. If you charge about $175 per week, depending on the going rate in your area, that's another $525 per week which ends up being $2,100 per month. Check it out!
I believe that you just need to be creative. You could start doing this under the table, just taking care of acquaintance's kids in the beginning, and then expand and actually get a license.
You can do it. Be creative, INTENTIONAL, and fight to succeed.
Also, save 20% of all your income in a high interest account such as ING. You can open your Orange savings account at ING.COM for as little as $25 and start saving today. I believe their current rate is 4.75% (the bank doesn't even pay 1%).
From what I know about you, that is what I suggest.
Do it, tiger. The longer you wait, the longer you will suffer. You owe it to yourself to succeed. Get to it.
Mr. M on "wife keeping a job."

Answer 2

Sell your cars, your house, and let your wife be with the kids. Being a housewife and mother is a big job itself.

She probably didn't want to work in a career in the first place. She probably did your business with you to be around you. She probably thought being a stay at home was awesome when you did not have a business that she worked with you. She probably wants to take care of you, home, and the kids. She sounds like a keeper. Why give that up?

Simple answer:

Redo your budget, live beneath your means and make it fit with your income.

Money is not worth a marriage. Divorce is not the answer here. Talk about your concerns with her in a calm tone. Make a plan to where she does not have to work. Maybe if she would work a couple of years to pay off bills with being a full time mom and housewife in mind... Do that and you'll have a pretty happy life.

Am I being harsh? Yup.

Answer 3

Wait a minute... you're considering divorce because your wife isn't earning enough money?? That's a little drastic and a bit telling about the value you place on your marriage.

Regardless, you could always suggest financial counseling and the both of you could go together. That might help her realize that she needs to consider the family's situation in her employment decision making.

In the end, however, it is possible to live cheaply. Do you really need the extras? And it's important to talk to your wife and ask her why she wants to stay home. Is it that she wants to be an at-home mother, or is it that she hasn't found the type of employment that suits her best yet?

Communication... try communication before you call that divorce lawyer.

Answer 4

Running away is not the answer. You may want to but it won't change anything. Your wife has already run away, from reality, and it's hard to get someone back once they have fled the scene.

Your wife wants something so fiercely, in this case her ideal way of life, that she is blind to anything that creates a different reality for her. She sounds as if she is on a mental wall, holding onto what she wants with all her might, willing to let go of the least important piece of the puzzle that is her world.

Your wife and you have more than financial worries. You are in danger of losing your wife to the woman who has taken her place.

I say this only because you do not seem to be the type to have fallen in love, married, invested your time and life and blood and money, with a woman who is so selfish as to ignore your pleas at a time like this. The only explaination is that she has checked out of your reality and into hers, full time.

Good luck. Only you know what needs to be done now.

Answer 5

You aren't going to like this answer, but the truth is, you don't! If she doesn't want to work, she won't keep a job. It sounds like you have tried to talk to her about this. Have you tried to go to a councelor? Maybe a third party can talk some sense into her.

Not that you should have to, but you may have no choice but to get a second job, temporarily.

You need to play hard ball with her. Tell her that you are going to have to sell the house and get rid of the other car if she isn't going to contribute financially. Simply tell her that you cannot and will not do it anymore. If she isn't willing to work, then she needs to get used to living without some things!!! Staying home with the kids is great IF it is financially feasible. However, if you are struggling, she should help you. You have to figure out a way to cut back of your monthly costs. Hopefully once you begin to do that, she will feel it and get the picutre!!

Answer 6

She's a little like me. Maybe it's not that she doesn't want to work and contribute; maybe she's just having a hard time finding the right fit. I know what it's like to be in a job that just makes me miserable. I quit that job a couple months ago and we are really struggling right now. But a new opportunity is starting the first of the year, and I really think things will get better. Give her a little more time, some encouragement, and try to see things from her perspective. Best wishes!

Answer 7

if you want to stay together, sell your house, move into a smaller, cheaper home, cut down on your expenses, sell the second car, have a monthly household spending budget. There is no harm if she wants to stay home with the kids, actually its good for the kids sake.

My wife had told me that after we have kids she would want to stay home with them as long as she could, so we financially planned for it. Not that I make a lot, but we make it stretch, we have a nice house, we both have our own cars, we take family vacations. But to where we are today, it involved a lot of financial planning and we still do. We have a monthly household budget, we don't buy anything on credit cards that we cannot pay off immediately. To be able to afford mortgage, we both our house far from my work, my sacrifice is the commute everyday, but its a small price to pay, because I know my wife and kids are home safe and the kids are well taken care off. So you can do it too, if you both want to....

Answer 8

She is aware of the financial status and she won't find a resolution. She doesn't agree that it takes two to be in a budget. Best advise that both should get two jobs to work this out because a divorce is something horrible but if she doesn't show any concerns then a divorce should be consider. Think about it. From what I read she seems that she doesn't care.

Answer 9

First I would find out why she up and quit her job. See if she had a good reason for quitting. Then I would explain to her that she has quit, you are gonna have to sell the second car and get a clunker for her to drive, and sell your house and get a cheaper one in a not so nice neighborhood. Tell her that is what is happening to your finances because your salary isn't enough to sustain the kind of lifestyle she was use to having. Maybe that will help her see what is going on. Good Luck!!
But don't file for divorce until you have tried everything to resolve this. You have to earn your way out of a marriage, not just duck and run at the first sight of trouble. Talk it out, seek couseling, talk to your preacher/priest. If none of these things work, then you will have no choice.

Answer 10

Is she aware of all the mounting bills? Sometimes we need to swallow our hopes and dreams just to pay the bills for a bit...advise her that she NEEDS to work and make a certain amount for a while ...that will give you two time to come up w/ a plan for her to work out of the house. Can you take on extra hours for overtime or a second job?

It takes two to solve any problem. She may not really fully understand the depth of debt you guys are in and how your about to lose your house if she doesnt get on the ball and help out. I know it is a no brainer but to some people they just dont see the whole picture...hth