why doesnt my husband trust me?

Question

my husband doesnt trust me. he has no reason not to, i wud't dream of cheating on him because i love him dearly. his first wife cheated on him and left him for another man. i feel am being punished for that. a few months ago, he said he was ringing his mate and his phone was engaged. then he tried ringing me and mine was also engaged. he said it made him very suspicious about us two. i dont even know his mates number, have never spoken more than a few words with him and i felt sick in my stomach when he said this. he has done the same thing a number of times again. he snaps at everything, i have to pick up after him, he cant even hang his clothes up but leaves them on the floor. he smokes all over the house and i find it hard to breath, especially in the bedroom. if i tell him off for anything he snaps. a few times when we have rowed he has said he could and wants to kill me. but the thing is he works hard, and when we are not rowing, he is so loving and caring. but the rows

Answer 1

The words that stand out are, "He could and wants to kill me." From what you've written, there are way more negatives here than positives. You say you "love him dearly," but go on to list ways in which he's inconsiderate, selfish, sloppy, and potentially violent, in addition to the fact that he doesn't trust you.

You either must talk him into counseling, go yourself, or decide whether it's worth staying w/him. He sounds like he needs some help which you can't begin to give him (psychological help, that is). Do you want to stay married to him, have him become physically violent, have children w/him? Think about it!!

Answer 2

Ok first yes you are being punished for what his first wife did... She broke his trust... and I wonder if there were other women in his life that broke his trust. I always think when one is that untrusting does that mean he has his own guilt and dirt that you shouldn't him trust.
And this much more then just about trust..you seem to many more issues then just that. The snapping, the smoking, the picking up after him.
Maybe you consider counseling??? To make you relationship stronger.

Answer 3

It's definitely a difficult situation you're in. Have you tried telling him that it hurts you that he doesn't trust you? Say to him "I feel that we're having communication problems because I want to tell you things that are on my mind but you just snap. I love you and I want to feel that I can tell you anything." Try not telling him off...perhaps just ask him to do things like "could you please start smoking outside...I'm having a hard time breathing?". Just try and do things a little at a time. I know a lot is bothering you but it might be overwhelming to him if you complain about a lot at once.

Answer 4

I think the question you should be asking is, why should you trust him. he probably doesn't trust you because he has something to hide. It seems to me that you haven't done anything to betray his trust. Maybe you need to consider the fact that he doesn't trust you because he has done something not worthy of trust. when people do wrong, they expect everyone else be doing wrong.

By the way he needs to get cussed out. He needs appreciate a woman like you who does everything for him. You obviously care for him enough to ask a question. You two need to sit down an d talk.

Answer 5

Unfortunately when people have been cheated on, it take a long time for them to get over their insecurities. If he continues to do this seek professional help. Let him know this constant no trust issue is hurting your marriage and that you are tired of being compared to his ex wife. He also might have a problem with trust because he doesn't trust himself.

Answer 6

He is taking all his frustration out on you. You guys need to sit down and talk. If you are afraid to talk alone. Go to a theropist. Or a let a friend sit down with the two of you...Just so your not alone. It doesn't sound like you need to talk to him alone about this. What if he snaps? Dont do it! But do get a third person involved and talk. He really does need to put what happened in his past behind him, and not take it out on you. He probably doesn't even realize that he is doing that. Just please take my advice.

Answer 7

Clearly your hubby has not dealt with the pain inflicted by his last relationship. Trish Yearwood sings a song titled "The woman before me must have been hard on you". The fact that there are songs written tells me that we all come into relationships with our own little hang-ups. I guess you have to decide if this is what you can deal with and hope that time will show him that you are not like the last one. I wish you goodluck!

Answer 8

WOA.. Sounds really harsh.. I would try to talk to him about this problem and then seek counseling... Maybe he is having issues at work and doesn't know how to speak with you about them.. Maybe he's just insecure and has to work on that! Whatever it is try to work it out before you give up all together....

Marriage is a give and take and it's a lot of work... So him you have no reason to do anything behind his back... Tell him he can trust you...

Answer 9

well you got yourself a problem
just make sure that he doesnt hit you
if he does
you gotta go
and talk it out with him
and resolve it
before it gets worse
know what he is thinking
maybe yea he is still scared that you might leave him too
but you gotta do something very soon
cause this is starting to smell like a abusive relationship miss

Answer 10

Your husband sounds like he has control issues. You better be careful. I would leave for the simple fact that he threatened he would kill you.