How do I get more attention from my wife?

Question

I am not speaking of sex, but just the common daily interaction. The casual contact. We have been married 13 years and I provide a comfortable living. We have kids that I am sure drain her. I am the husband that thinks of things like flowers and trips, but you can only do those things so often.

I am thinking of stopping the continual chase for her comfort and will seek my own. Maybe she needs to chase me for a bit?

Answer 1

I am a wife , and at one time I got all raped up in my daily life kids,activity's,house cleaning etc.I had forgot that my husband needed my attention to.So he sat me down one evening and explained he understood I was very busy but he longed to be needed also.A hug and kiss here and there and just some qualities time together ,in a very gentle way he explained this.He also said that it wasn't that he was unhappy with me, quite the opposite.He love me more than when we first met and just missed me.We have been married 13 happy years, so talking goes a long way keep the lines of communication open.Good luck

Answer 2

Well, now it sounds as though she is a busy woman and "lost" in her routine...flowers and trips are nice, but have you thought to ask someone (a grandmother or aunt) to watch the children while you spend a few hours alone with your wife? You could cook for her, let her have a relaxing bath, give her a massage and help her to unwind. On the way home from work the evening of your "rondevous", stop at the video store, rent a romantic movie and pop some popcorn...just showing you care and want her to enjoy a few hours with just you could make a difference. From your little note here, I take it she could use a break from the kids : ) Never "make her chase you for a bit"...rather, SHOW her YOU CARE by thoughtful things you do for her on a PERSONAL level. As a mother, I know that we ALL need a little "time off" once in awhile. Once alone and you are enjoying the togetherness, perhaps you can talk to her about future rondevous...make plans! Give yourselves something to look forward to.

Answer 3

To be honest if you feel your wife is trustworthy, then you should ASK HER this question. Be fair first. Give her a chance to know whats going on in you heart and mind. Is she aware that you feel this way? This is deep, man. Depending on her answer and/or reaction then you take it from there. If she apologizes, then give her ample time to work it out with you. If she shares any offenses with you then suggest a marriage counselor. I'm a firm believer that you should 'judge yourself' before you judge others, (of course I'm told that I tend to vacillate too much) but that is because I am extremely careful about 'pointing fingers' and find out that the problem began with ME. I hate that. I think that there is a viscous attack against all marriages and relationships and it's called selfishness mixed with the strong desire of immediate gratification. It's a very dangerous disease and it's sweeping across the world! I think the cure is this rule of thumb ...works generally most of the time...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you need from her attention -give it to her more, if you need forgiveness- firsts give it to her, if you need affection -offer it to her more! If after a fair ample amount of time your wife acknowledges that she can't return what you've been giving her or what you need (including the effort of counseling) then you probably should tell her that you want a divorce so you may then treat her with at least respect and fairness and not hurt her or retaliate with an act that may destroy her, your family or your honor as a good man. That's how you struck me with your question. I wish you well and pray you find the cure against that nasty disease ;)

Answer 4

lol.. what ur not seeing is that somehow, some way, perhaps u havne't found the Right thing yet that can change the dynamic. but that doesn't mean "give up, let Her do it". it means u need to try Harder. u are the Man of the house. u want attention, talk with her, woo her, impress her, love her. play w/ the kids more. do more family activities. make her dinner, or take her out for a surprise date.

do all those things to woo her.. if that doesn't work, fine, let her chase u. til then, don't give up. MOST likely than not, she will be extremely happy and give u the attention u want, cuz U are giving her the attention she wants!

Answer 5

Games are insidious. They may be intended to achieve certain results but they mostly destroy what little is left.

Initiate conversations with your wife, hold her hand for a second or two when she is in the kitchen, tell her you love her and then walk away.

Tell her every day she is beautiful, her blouse or hair is pretty, she smells nice, it doesn't have to be true but it will be especially effective if you do notice when she is dressed special or made up special.

These things are corny but go a long way to making a mother and housewife feel like a woman and, a woman is what you are looking for, a conversational, interested in you, interested in your lives together, woman, right?

Give to get.

Good luck and remember, when games are played there is always a loser. Don't risk it. Honesty and flattery will get you what you want in this case.

Answer 6

You should have a date night at least once a week. Have a baby sitter come in and give you both a break.
Communication is the best to get her to see that you need her time and attention.
Picnic's in the bedroom after the children are in bed are always fun.
Hang in there and stay strong.

Answer 7

How long has it been since she has given you attention? I know that with our 2 kids, house cleaning, cooking and anything else i need to do by the end of the day i'm totally wiped and all i want to do is go to bed. Maybe you should let her chase you for a while like you suggested.

Answer 8

Well we all judge ourselves to be the perfect spouses. Anyways, You said we have kids and I am sure they drain her? Does not seem like you help her out with household and kid issues. In this day and age being a good provider is just not enough, but being involved in the family life is important too.

Answer 9

Keep the lines of communication open. Talk with her about your desires at a time when she is not exhausted and doesn't feel it is another thing to be added to her "to do" list. Make time for just the two of you to escape the daily grind and just be open to each other. Once she feels safe in opening up to you then she will be more receptive to hearing what your heart has to say in return.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, she won't notice you until you stop making everything about her. Pull back. You are right to have her chase you a bit. Women like challenges. This goes for married woman as well. Good luck, dog!