I have been married for the last 4 years, been with him for the las 9 years, since I was 18, we have to beautiful boys together...but if I 'm honest the problem was going on when we first started dating, when we fight or argue he goes straight to my heart, tells me I'm crazy, that I'm lazy and a terrible person. That I can't care for my kids and repeatedly makes remarks about my weight. I know that I have gain weight since we first met, but I've had to children, I work full time, teaching in an alt. ed program and spend every moment of my free time caring for my boys and taking care of the house. I get frustrated, my husband hasn't held a job down for more than a week in the last two years. I am always feeling obligated to make him happy, to put on a show, when family is around. We are not happy, it's a front...or at least I'm not happy which he blames on me, nothing ever makes me happy. What do I do now! HELP PLEASE!
2006-12-28 05:02:56 · 21 answers · asked by Tori 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is NOT your job to cater to him and make him happy all the time especially if he treats you that way.
You should have a serious talk to him about this and if you already have, give him an ultimatum, either he attempts to change or you take your checkbook and the kids. I'm sure that it will be hard but it's for the best and you can easily bounce back, you're still young.
2006-12-28 05:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. Honey, it is time for you to ask him to move out and file for a divorce. What this man is doing to you and your boys is wrong on a lot of levels!
1. No body has the right to speak to you the way he does!
You are a worthy and deserving person.
2. He doesn't choose to hold a job and help support the family, he obviously isn't supportive; not financially, or emotionally.
3. You are the Mother of his children! How dare he belittle you. What's more he is setting a terrible example to your two sons! I know you don't want them to grow up thinking the way their Dad behaves is right. You are a devoted,responsible Mother and Wife, you support your family in all the ways you should be!
YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! And so are your kids! I know I'm not the first person to tell you this, Just realize you are not alone, and you will be so much better off when you take control of your life, it will amaze you.
Good Luck. Make it happen!!
2006-12-28 05:19:34 · answer #2 · answered by sunkissed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a beautiful person and you need to get rid of this man who is pullling you down. You know why he makes these "comments"? Because he hates himself and is trying to take it out on those around him to make himself feel better.
I understand that you have two boys and that you may have been in love with this guy in the past, but it is time for you too end this. If not for your sake, do it for the kids. Trust me when I say that you do not want them to grow up in a house without love because love is the most important thing in any childs life. If this man, let me correct that, this boy, loved you, he wouldn't be making comments about the weight you gained by bringing HIS children into the world. Your happiness and the happiness of your boys should be your paramount concern, not trying to please some man-boy who cares more about himself than those he claims he loves. I know it may be hard for you to (and this is why so many men/women stay in relationships/marriages even when the love is gone) start over, but it is for the best and if you don't do it soon, you will hate begin to hate yourself almost as much as your husband hates himself..
2006-12-28 05:12:26 · answer #3 · answered by Blind Sighted 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok.. sounds like he is mentally and emotionally abusing you. i'm sorry, but while Dating, a man and woman needs to use that time to see if they are Marriage material. u knew what u were getting into.... =T. and now u are stuck! i thnk there are two (or three) options for you:
1) resign urself to the fact that he is the way he is. and do ur best to be a good wife and mother to him and his children. do it joyfully, out of love for the family.
2) put ur foot down. go to counseling. say that u are not goign to put up with this abuse.. that u are a team, and u need to work Togehter to be happy, or else it's gonna fall apart. that u've been doing a damn lot of work, and the lazy/crazy one who can't hold a job happens to be HIM. crazy people can't keep jobs. crazy people can't take care of kids. therefore u are not crazy! and if u gained weight, then it's his fault for getting u pregnant. mabye if he got a job, and supported u so u didn't have to work, then u could spend more time exercising.
3) divorce him.
2006-12-28 05:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and most important get a life. Blaming the kids or housework for your lack of free time is b.s., and deep down you know it. Kids need healthy role models, not slave labor. Do you want them to grow up and be in the same situation you are in 20 years from now - or in the same situation your husband is in?
Second, get counseling. your church, temple, or synagogue (or community services) should be able to help put you in touch with someone. Third. Weight gain is the kids fault? Boy you're really dumping on them, aren't you? It sounds like you're in a bad situation, but relying on others to make you happy is like expecting others to help you lose weight. You have to take responsibility for YOU. You have to LOVE YOURSELF or no one else will. Accept both the good and the bad. If you're sad a lot, maybe its depression - a medical condition. If you are a heavy drinker, then stop. (Easier said than done, I know). Fourth. Your husband sounds like a disappointment. You two need counseling. But he has to hold up his HALF of the relationship. He has to contribute half. If he's not working, what the heck has he been doing? Watching you "take care of the kids and house"???! Sounds like a impossible situation. Would you marry somebody like that? I don't think so. Sounds like he's not happy either. Just like your happiness is not his responsibility, his happiness is not yours - it must come from within (or a bottle - a losing proposition). You have enough problems taking care of yourself - and it sounds like you need to do a lot better there! He's gonna have to take care of himself better and take better care of your feelings, too. Divorce really sounds almost certain unless a new direction is found and BOTH of you choose to work in that new healthy direction.
2006-12-28 05:33:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With or with out him...Go to councling. There are places that you can go where you will need little to no money. If you go to church or have... start there.
I eventualy had to leave my Husband and did divorce him. Best decision I could ever make for my girls. They still love their Dad and I love the man I first fell in love with. I could not put up with all the stress, etc. My health and weight also increased.
You are not obligated to make him happy nor he you. As humans we at times find ourselves (with out always meaning to) want others to feel as we do. My ex still is not able to look within him self. Turns out he has a few mental disorders and will never see life from all angles.
You are in my prayers. God Bless. Have a Blessed New Year to each of you.
2006-12-28 05:18:06 · answer #6 · answered by nmd_elkie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for divorce and join a gym, You will be free of this deadbeat abusive husband of yours and any unwanted fat in your life, (Both of the above are one and the same, really, don't you think?
You will be happy healthy, your self esteem will grow and you will meet someone who is worthy of you, By the way, trying to put on a happy show and fake a bad marriage does not even fool the family pet, so get your efforts moving in the right direction, a divorce.
Good luck
2006-12-28 05:12:13 · answer #7 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's playing you with the old best defense being a stong offense.
He's a lazy man who knows he can get away with his life because he has. Why would he do things differently and risk losing his meal ticket, his lay and his children? That's exactly what would happen if he ever let you wake up and realize how tremendous a woman you really are. You contribute to the greater good of society at work and at home. Your contribution to this man's life is your only shortcoming. Cut him loose and don't make excuses for him to your boys. Men become men by standing on their own two feet and standing up for their actions and inactions. Let him be seen for who he is. He certainly sees you for who you are and is scared to death you might leave him, so he beats you down.
He's a con and a loser. Don't waste another minute of your life on him.
2006-12-28 05:11:15 · answer #8 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is called MENTAL ABUSE!!! You should not have to put up with this treatment and sounds like you've been taking it for way too long.
He is no prize - can't keep a job - he puts you down so you will think you are worthless and won't leave him. There are plenty of other men out there - and if that's not a road you want to go down, there is no reason you can't be without a man.
Especially if all he does is put you down - there is no need for that kind of abuse in your life. You've got to get strong, for yourself and your children - tell him to knock it off or you are out of there!!!
2006-12-28 05:15:05 · answer #9 · answered by henibee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the old sociology trick he is playing on you .He feels so bad about his self he blames you to make himself look better, then you will feel bad and and baby him.Any man that can't keep a job can't have to high self esteem so he is going to lower yours.I would not take it one minute longer.If he can get with the program then he can get out.Sounds like you have your head on straight and know what you want.I would never let some one demeanor me like that.Remember your kids.The kids are aware of whats going on whether you think they do or not.Keep your head high and don't let him break your spirit.He will do this as long as you continue to let him do so.I know you know the right answer.Good luck God Bless.
2006-12-28 05:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋