I seperated with my ex last January and have 2 young children. I was faithfully married 10 years to ex. Divorce will be final next month. I met a great man 4.5 months ago and have started thinking about asking him to move in with me and children in 2 months... We spend so much time together it seems economical... Any words of wisdom? Sure wish there was a instruction manual on divorce and new relationships...
2006-12-28 04:27:13 · 23 answers · asked by sarah k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you all for the great advice.
2006-12-28 04:41:22 · update #1
Have you lost your mind?
Look, I don't care if this is the perfect, end-all, be-all man among men in the universe. Your children have just had their entire world rocked by your divorce, and they have no concept of what it means for their lives and their future. Children above all things need stability in their lives--which means you need to be focused on them and their needs for the next several months.
That's not to say that you can't have a relationship with this guy. However, if this guy is really that great, then he will understand your need to put your children first, economics be damned. Because you could be putting your children's emotional well-being at risk to save a few hundred bucks on rent.
After all, what happens if this guy moves in and things don't work out. Sure, everything is great right now, but what if he really turns into a manipulative jerk? Or even worse? Then your two children will face even more turmoil in dealing with another romantic upheaval in your life, and the scars will prove far deeper than you can imagine. Let alone what you'll teach them about relationships.
So, my advice to you is to proceed with caution. If this is truly a great guy, he'll wait and respect you for asking him to do so.
2006-12-28 04:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. That is my words of wisdom. You have been in a relationship for 10 years. Allow you and your children some time alone. I did this same thing - and trust me, you cannot possibly know this man in 4 1/2 months. His true colours have yet to show, and you don't want him under your roof when they do, if they aren't pretty. I thought the same way - and it was very hard on my children when the relationship went sour. There is no hurry - and economics is no reason to take this relationship to the next level. Please be wary.
2006-12-28 05:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
, There is not a perfect time table. You have a lot to consider , how comfortable our your children with the new man? If you did not have kids, I would say ,"great", move in together, good way to get over the divorce, but with children, you could be exposing them to another break up. Also, he would be a nother authority figure, and would not even have the title of step-father, that could cause potentual problems. And does your ex get a long with your boyfriend?This is important, because he has the right to know who is living with his children, if it was reversed,you would want the same. I hope you can answer all these questions, for yourself, if you can good luck & best wishes for starting over.
2006-12-28 04:46:19 · answer #3 · answered by Kimberly H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well like everyone else it is better to wait and take things slow. The children need to adjust just like you have too. The dynamics have changed do your child spend time with your ex? If that is the case then date your new bow during that time sleepovers etc. Try to keep your adult life separate and introduce your new love to the kids in small portions and see if they will blend together naturally. If it was meant to be your new friend will wait. The kids are very smart than us parents give them credit for you will be able to tell if they have accepted the relationship to move it up a notch. Be patient and good luck
2006-12-28 05:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a relationship with this new guy sounds great. But moving in after only knowing this guy 6 months might be hard on your kids. You just need to be sure its what you want and its what you kids want. Don't rush. Your were tied down for 10 years have fun and make sure he is the right guy.
2006-12-28 04:42:13 · answer #5 · answered by reapershotty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you have children at home, do not ask him to move in with you or let him stay overnight unless you marry him!
It takes a couple of years to recover from a separation, even if both parties were prepared. The best interests of your children come first, so concentrate on them and give yourself time to recover before jumping into another relationship.
2006-12-28 04:44:53 · answer #6 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just my opinion... NO WAY... your children will be devastated.The emotions of your 2 young children come first.
When I divorced my daughters' father after 10 years, I kept my relationships away from her for her emotional protection. AND the one time I had a friend over, she turned into a she-devil and freaked us both out. All she wanted was my attention and to no see me give another man my attention. I asked him to leave and learned my lesson.
Children come first.
2006-12-28 04:33:01 · answer #7 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's tricky! With kids involved, there are other things to consider. If I were you, I'd wait a while. You obviously are aware that things can go wrong, no matter how perfect it seems, especially after only a few months. If he moves in and things go south, it will affect your kids. I would not ask him to move in unless you two become engaged. Not that I am against cohabitation, but it can be hard on children for men to be moving in and out if the relationship doesn't work out.
2006-12-28 04:31:17 · answer #8 · answered by AK 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
why are ayou trying to move in so quick? it's not a good idea. Give yourself about 1 to 2 years of getting to know each other- Seems like you're worried about the money he can help you with. Don't do this to your kids! for gods sake you just me the guy!! give yourself time what's the rush?? what if he turns out worse than the ex husband? Do you feel lonely and that's why you want to do it? give yourself time. Since my ex & i separated i've been dating a guy for about 3 years and still i feel like i don't know him. He stays the night form time to time and gives me money for bill or whatever he doens't have to but he does because he wants to help me. You should do this with that guy you're dating. If you need extra money or whatever jsut ask him and he'll hkelp if he's that great of a guy!
2006-12-28 04:33:01 · answer #9 · answered by Cheesy Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. sorry.
My uncle and aunt are going through a divorse and she introduced a guy into the home and as much as you would like to think that its okey i would hold off for a little while longer. for the kids.
just let them get time to adjust to this new step in their live.s as much as you migh think that they are too young to realize they do and it impacts them.
you need to give it at least 2 to 3 months.
and their was study i red about in soc. class that says that couples who move in feel more inclined to marry each other. because of the pressure form family and friends. but also becuse they ffeel they owe the other person something. dont get put in a place where he can hold that against you. but also that they have a higher divorse rate if couples cohabitate.
GOOD LUCK!!!
2006-12-28 04:32:56 · answer #10 · answered by Niko 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋