How do i comfort my husband?

Question

My husband was a virgin when we got married but I wasnt, I had been with 3 guys before him.and now it just seems like its tearing our marriage apart.he just cant seem to let it go or forgive me for my mistakes,which all happened years before i met him.what can I do? or what can i say to him to comfort him? We both love eachother we were together 2 years before we got married. and he knew about this before we got engaged and i dont understand why its just now coming up that it affects him this much.

we haved talked about this so many times and everytime i tell him i'm sorry and that if i could go back and change it i would,he is the best out of the other 3,and that i love him more than anything,i just dont want him to go out and cheat on me to get revenge or something.i'm going to look into marriage couseling,i dont want to lose him.

Answer 1

Mybabylove. This is not easy. Believe me. it is not. Just be patient, loving and caring. This is a mistake many teens are making right now, but they will never understand it is a mistake, they just care for the momentaneous pleasure they get, even if they know they are not loved, but used.
I know many times your husband cries and feels helpless, and you see his pain through his eyes. I know you wish you could go back in time and fix it, but sadly it is too late.
Just explain him that if you knew how big your mistake was, you would have never made it, especially now that he is your husband.
Never give up. Keep fighting to make your marriage a happy one. God Bless You and your husband.

Answer 2

Oh, good grief.

I'm typically not inclined to be harsh, but how old is this guy? And why is he such a baby?

Look, you did the right thing. You told him about your sexual history before you were engaged. He had an opportunity to discuss this issue openly and honest before he ever bought you the ring. But as it stands, he is going to make you pay for it every single day of your marriage. That's unfair to you.

What's more, it raises an entire universe of issues in your marriage. Will he nurse a grudge every time you make a mistake in your life? What happens if you forget to pay the credit card bill? Will he dredge that up every month? I realize that your sexual history isn't the same as a late bill payment, but it speaks to an inability on his part to understand that you are fallible in life. When somebody thinks you're perfect, it's really a curse.

So the last thing you need to do is "comfort" your husband. Instead, you need to give him a dose of realilty: Everybody has a past. You have a past. The men you were with in that past are not part of your life now. He needs to grow up and stop punishing you, and you're not going to apologize for it again. If he loves you, he'll accept you for who you are. And if he cannot handle that, then heavy duty counselling is in order, for you will spend your entire life dealing with his latent control issues.

Answer 3

Your husband is insecure because of the men he hasn't been with many women so he think he is n't better than the rest of the guys assure him that he is the best and will forever be.You told him this when you got married or after. It will be a big problem as you see if this was after you were married it should have been solved before marriage . Don't bring any kids into this marriage until he changes and he may never. Pray that God will help your husband fine peace within himself. You need to be more commpassionate . Remeber for bettter or worse

Answer 4

Wow. He's letting the men you were with before your marriage rip him apart? This leads me to believe he is incredibly insecure about his performance abilities in the bedroom and doesn't understand that how many/who you were with before you got married means absolutely nothing to your marriage. In fact, he should be happy that you can bring some skills you may not have had without those experiences to your marriage. I am totally in agreement with your first answer that you guys need to get into marriage counselling. I am actually shocked to see a post on here about virginity being an issue in this day and age- it's just not realistic. Was he raised in an extreme religion where virginity is a must? Do you think the issue is truly with you and your past experiences or do you feel it might be about him and his lack thereof? If you guys love each other and were open about this subject before marriage, this shouldn't even be anything that comes up in conversation. Counselling!

Answer 5

This is a hard one because you can't control or take back what you did before you guys met. Let him know that it is unfair for him to hold that against you and that he is the only man for you. Tell him that you would take it all back if you could, but you can't so there is no point in dwelling on the past. Let him know that the past is gone and you are trying to work on building a future with him, but you can't move forward because he keeps looking back. I hope that you guys can resolve this because love is too precious to lose over something that you cannot control. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

Your mistakes? As in, being with others before him? I dont think thats a mistake...?

He probably feels inadequate (did something happen during an intimate moment?), that you have more experience than he does and that he isnt a good enough lover for you (he has nothing to compare to, you do.. even if you arent comparing, he probably thinks you are in the back of your mind somewhere).

Talk to him, tell him that those other guys didnt matter, he does, thats why you married him! Take time to be together, try new things, maybe teach him a little something that you love *a signature move* or whatever. Make sure you make him feel special and that you love being with him... he needs to get over it and will with the self esteem boost he will get from you!

Best of luck... it will be okay!!

Answer 7

that's type of complicated to convenience someone in case you do not recognize precisely how they are feeling interior. human beings take care of death or the seen someone death in otherwise procedures so do not rigidity your self on him through attempting to convenience him. you frequently can tell at the same time as and what time he would opt for to be comforted. All you may do is be his rock because it really is going to be a time possibly the following day or 2 months from now at the same time as he will smash down no be counted how sturdy he looks now. i believe he will come to you at the same time as he needs comforting yet interior the propose time, basically seem for the indications that he would opt to be comforted.

Answer 8

If he knew about this before you were engaged and it's a problem now, I would ask him what's the real reason of this. It's very hard to belive that he would trip over something he already knew about. Maybe he has someting or someone else on his mind and just using that as an excuse.

Answer 9

Because marriage is soooooo different. NOW he feels he's "stuck" with a 'promiscuous' woman. Things don't really start to hit home til those papers are signed. Then its like a done deal. Tell him you're leaving til he makes up his mind to forgive and FORGET once and for all. If you stay and try to coerce and "make things better", it will only make it much worse. Let him think about that for awhile instead of hanging you by the gulit rope.

Answer 10

Your husband needs to get over it. You did nothing wrong and do not feel as if you did. This is his own issue and if he loves you, he will just let it go. At least you never cheated on him, now that would be mean.