Is this the type love a marriage should have?

Question

A hypothetical question was brought up about a spouse cheating on another. After the question was asked I actually spent a great deal of time debating on this and came to the conclusion, if my spouse cheated on me I don't think I would care (I would have a few years ago). As a matter of fact I feel it would be impossible for her to make me jealous in any shape or form. I know these are not normal feelings and she has no idea that I feel this way. I really feel that I "love her" as I care about her well being, but am not "in love with her" as our marriage is nothing more than going through the motions. I know that sounds like a cop-out way to describe the problem, but is this the love a marriage should have?

Answer 1

Sounds like you KNOW that this is not the type of love a marriage should have. Question is are you going to stay with the one who Love's you or are you going to find the one you love? It's unfair to her and most of all to yourself to stay in this situation and what? Wait till death do you part? You can also try speaking with her and being completely honest about your feeling's. Maybe somewhere along your path you two have just managed to let the romance slip away. You can always bring it back. Depends on what you want in life and what you see in your future. Settling is not by any means a meaningful way of spending the rest of your life. I would try being honest with her first. However if you are happy with this sort of marriage then it is totally up to you. I just hope you act on these feeling's and not ignore them. Good luck. '-)

Answer 2

I don't answer very many of these, but you pose an interesting comment.....


"Is this the type of love a marriage should have?" Sure, why not. I think that marriage is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust, and of the first three, two will keep it together. If a marriage continues to have all three, ahhhh Bingo. Trust comes in all sorts of forms, and if sexual fidelity is unimportant, and mutually acceptable, one still has a marriage -- albeit one of convenience, and close to being roommates, but if it suits both parties.....Marriage is not just sex -- it is lovies, consideration, tolerance, solving problems without rage, shared as well as individual interests, and the trust of one for the other, that that person will be there for you.

Marriages age, just as does anything, and parts of it wear out, just like parts of a car wear out, or one's teeth wear out --- One doesn't toss out the entire car because the tires are worn..... Marriage can be just knowing that other person is there, sharing time and space with you, and wildfire passion, does indeed end, for love and sex between two who know each other well. And what does "being in love" mean, really???? Fourth of July in December????? Well, of course that would be nice, but it isn't reality. ...and though that was once there, it doesn't remain much past two years, according to most counselors...later in life, men loose physicial abilities, and women loose interest. Orgasms are more difficult for both as we age. But it is interesting: When we are older, and one or the other dies, there may have been no physicial love for years, but the survivor just tailspins.... and why? Because we were meant to be in a bonded relationship --- perhaps not of continuing passion, but of love, however one wishes to describe it.

Love comes in all sorts of packaging... and no package fits all.

Helpful?

Answer 3

I don't know if it's the love a marriage should have but I feel that about 80% of marriages end up this way. It is up to the individual to decide if it's something they can live with or not. Many people stay because they've developed a familial love for their partner and for some, that's enough to keep it going.

Answer 4

I don't think that marriage is what you are describing, at least in my book.
You are describing a marriage of convenience in which, like you said, you are going through the motions.
If you really don't care if she sleeps with someone else, then apparently the fidelity factor is out. This of course doesn't mean that you don't love her...you do, you love her and care for her deeply, but I don't think you have feelings for her any longer.
I think it is time that you examine your relationship and really think about moving on. Although you will always care for her and love her in a different way, if you don't have the passion and the rage...Where is the fun in that??
Good luck!!

Answer 5

No, you're missing out on a lot of "built in" love, fun and happiness. You have at home what so many people are out searching for! You could make the relationship fun and something to look forward to if you tried and then she would be so shocked and excited that you actually cared enough to "try". You would be amazed at how great and exciting your marriage could really be if you just tried. It's sad to be in a loveless marriage where you can barely stand each other. If you've lost the excitement, do something to bring it back! If you've been married any length of time, you know that the excitement and newness wears off and that's when the real love kicks in and you work at making the marriage fun and exciting. She shouldn't even have to think of cheating on you if you're doing this right! It's sad that you wouldn't be jealous if she cheated on you.(Even though deep down, it would probably hurt) It is sad that so many marriages have this type of love that you are describing. You are missing out on so much! I look forward to every Fri. and Sat. night because me and my husband of 15 yrs. get movies we would enjoy, wait till the kids fall asleep, break out some bubbly and just sit back and relax and enjoy each other's company. We have rekindled our romance and we look forward to spending time together. After 15 yrs. we don't have to try and impress each other, we are so comfortable with each other, we know what each other likes and dislikes. He actually looks forwad to coming home because he knows I have something fun planned and he can relax and not have to be anyone but himself. I also don't make him watch a movie he would hate. I pick out movies he would love, because marriage is sacrifice. That's what a lot of people are missing. Of course he still goes out with friends, but when it's our night, he's excited about it. It's just so nice to have a true love and I don't think very many people have that. You could really try and then you'd be one of the few with a great marriage that everyone else is envious of. You know that is what everyone is seeking, true happiness with that special person. You could keep searching for that one that may never be, or you could work on the marriage that you already promised to be in for good and bad, sickness and in health, till death do you part. It will be worth it, trust me.

Answer 6

In India, human beings regularly want arranged marriages. the share of affection marriages is bigger in city aspects. On an in many situations occurring 70% of inhabitants prefers arranged marriages and 30% love marriages.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are really unhappy. Maybe you need to sit down and speak with your wife about how you feel. Maybe you guys can rekindle that love that you are missing. Maybe she doens't even know how you are feeling and you guys can change things around and save your marriage. If not maybe it's time to move on and the two of you to make better lives without each other. Sorry

Answer 8

No it isn't. You shouldn't continue on in a marriage if you are not in love with your spouse and you also should not have him/her believing otherwise as feelings can be dramatically hurt. She probably deserves soemone who is going to love her the way she needs to be, and you may need that as well.

Answer 9

Its the type of love that a marriage would have if one person didnt feel the same way anymore. You are just used to her your not in love anymore. That means maybe you have lost that feeling.

Answer 10

I think that question is limited to the relationship. There is no right or wrong way of feeling because you cannot control how you feel. I do not think that it is healthy to stay in a relationship with a person that you are not in love with because it is unfair to you and to her. Good luck and God bless!