Why does my wife, who was previously abused in her last marriage, feel that she doesn’t want me involved in her counseling sessions? I have seen her emotionally upset from having to deal with her ex-husband and have tried to help her be strong and not let him run over her when it comes to visitation issues called for by the joint custody ruling. But she tells me its because this counselor was the one she talked to right after their divorce and that he fills a void I can’t. I would like to go so I can help when its needed instead of feeling like every time there is an issue, she is going to have to go to someone else. Any thoughts or advice?
2006-12-28 03:49:04 · 12 answers · asked by d5138_3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I HAVE tried to talk to her but she refuses.
2006-12-28 03:54:17 · update #1
Apparently, your wife has shared things with the counselor that she doesn't want you to hear or know. Probably the counselor refused to have you there, if the counselor was to have to censor their words. So, since your wife wants things kept secret, you can't attend.
2006-12-28 04:53:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a very good supportive husband. Exactly what she needs now.
I see a couple of things happening here. First, she has learned to trust her counselor who gave her good advice the first time around. Second, he does have knowledge about situations that you may not have. It is not just support that she gets from him, it is knowledge as well. I think that she may have chosen the wrong word here in saying that he filled a void, I think it is more that her counselor helps her with things that you do not know how to help her with. She knows what she can get from you and she also knows that there are limits to what she can get from you. The counselor fills the gap of knowledge that she is seeking.
If you see the counselor more as a teacher then as a support person, it will help you to not feel quite so slighted when she goes to him.
2006-12-28 04:03:21 · answer #2 · answered by brighterdayscounseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long has she been going to this counseling? Give it some time and then ask if she thinks it would be okay for you to join her at "one" session. You are living with her emotions also, and it would be nice for you to be involved in the solution. But she may not be ready for you to know that very emotional part of her right now. Make sure she knows that you love her just the way she is and that you support her decision to see a counselor with or without you.
2006-12-28 03:55:37 · answer #3 · answered by hotgramma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds mentally twisted. As women we look for a supportive spouse to help us in every way and it sounds like your trying to be that supportive spouse. If this continues I hate to say but it may well put a strain on your marriage. I see nothing wrong with you wanting to go to counseling with your wife. Your doing your part.Maybe it's somethings she don't want you to know. It's not fair to you at all. She sould have been blocking out the ex husband and not you. Pray and stay in the word of God because he can best guide you.
2006-12-28 04:13:28 · answer #4 · answered by foxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may not be ready to involve you yet. She's probably working on trust issues and other things she may not be ready to reveal to you yet. You just need to let her know you are there for her whenever she's ready. And don't force her to talk. She'll come to you when she's ready. And try telling her how it makes you feel that she doesn't include you in her healing process. She may not realize how this exclusion makes you feel. And if all else fails, make an appointment with the counselor for just yourself.
2006-12-28 03:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by redrum42482 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counselors are professional and unbiased. im sure that you want to make all of her problems go away, but abuse is a very hard thing to bounce back from. she will love that fact that you let her work through some of these knots on her own. shes prob got some issues that she doesnt know quite how to fix yet and doesnt want to involve you. just be a good listener and supportive. shell talk to you eventually. after all she is a woman and we LOVE to talk
2006-12-28 03:54:08 · answer #6 · answered by *never give up* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt that your wife loves you but she needs to fix what is wrong with her, and has nothing to do with you. I know I was married to a man who beat me everyday and I delt with it. But as far as my new husband there are just somethings in my life I have to fix with out him. So do not judge her just support her and love her and ask if there is anything that you can help her get thru. This is something she needs to do alone, so just be there for her and love her as best you can and she will let you in when she comes to peace with that part of her life. Good Luck
2006-12-28 03:58:16 · answer #7 · answered by twinki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Previously abused wives often have difficulty truly trusting someone. If she is more comfortable dealing with this therapist alone, then let it go. The more you insist, the more it will trigger her well-developed defenses. She may also prefer to leave you out of the whole mess. As someone who deals with an abuser ex myself, I really prefer to leave my current partner out of that ongoing mess as much as I can, as there is really nothing he can do till my daughter is an adult.
2006-12-28 03:55:21 · answer #8 · answered by silverside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has a good therapist that therapist will ask that you be included if you are needed. Its her journey you should be there to support her.
2006-12-28 03:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to the same counsler yourself and see what he thinks.
2006-12-28 04:02:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋