Why is it OK for 2 long-time friends, both female, who have found each other after being separated for years to reunite and stay in contact by e-mail, by phone, by text messages and make plans to see each other? Why is it not OK for 2 long-time friends, a man and a woman, now both married, once had a thing for each other 20+ years ago, to have found each other after being separated for years to reunite and stay in contact by e-mail, by phone, by text messages and make plans to see each other? After all the years of separation, I think it's quite exciting to be reunited with both friends, the male and the female friend, wouldn't you think so?
2006-12-28 03:35:18 · 22 answers · asked by Confused_Rep 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
as a male who recently found a long time ago lover from high school (more than thirty years ago) i believe there is a double standard. as you can see from my profile i'm happily married, yet love to hear from, talk to, email, and sms my long time ago (now ex) lover. Funny things morals, particularly when made on high ground!!
2006-12-28 03:41:22 · answer #1 · answered by puk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would think adults would be able to get past gender. But if you've ever seen "When Harry met Sally" you should know that very rarely does male/female relationships stay platonic. I know it happens, but more often than not the men (sometimes the women) want more than just a friend. Sometimes it's just that good feeling of knowing that you're attractive (or once were) to someone else. But there's a good chance too that your significant other that I suppose is objecting to the rekindled friendship is jealous. I'm sure there is some insecurity there, so the fact that you once had a thing for each other is somewhat shaky ground. I'm glad you found your old friends, but pursuing meeting up will be uncomfortable for the spouses.
2006-12-28 11:54:36 · answer #2 · answered by wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it fair to your partner to hang out with someone you had a romantic history with? The person may be wondering where the motiviation is. If your partner is OK with it then cool. If not, remember, your partner comes first.
Your aim should be to have marital peace. If this thing causes strife then why pursue it? How does the friend's spouse feel about it?
Would you like it if a past fling of your spouse wanted to hang with him? Would this friend object to meeting the person with the spouses around?
I guess I can sum it up this way, is it more beneficial to reunite in friendship with an old flame after 20 yrs or have a peaceful marriage?
2006-12-28 11:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by Emperor Insania Says Bye! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that this should be a problem. I understand some peoples concerns and jealousies but this is a fact of life. If there is trust then this should not be a problem at all. I think it is great to stay in touch with friends whether it be a man or a woman, especially if it has been 20+ years.
2006-12-28 11:38:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jfranc1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think you should be allowed to be friends but it is not a double standard. Not close. The first example is a presumably platonic friendship, in the second there was some other action going on. So they're not parallel. As I said, if you're both over that, then it shouldn't be an issue. But you should understand your spouse's concern. Why not try to include everybody in the meeting?
2006-12-28 11:39:37 · answer #5 · answered by Andrew O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup it is exciting but you see if the M and F gig are btoh hetero than there is also that element of a sexual connection. That is the double standard. But its true I know if I meet up with an old guy friend it will ALWAYS just be that friends but an old female friend well I might just put a little game on her and see what is up ;)
2006-12-28 11:37:47 · answer #6 · answered by gstolard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, there is a double standard because of the status quo that our nation faces. We do not trust each other (the man is married) and in my experience, if an old opposite sex friend is "suddenly reappearing" it would raise the suspicion. Yes i agree with you that this is a completely useless double standard, but, it is in fact so.
2006-12-28 11:44:36 · answer #7 · answered by Alex G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is agreement by all 4 parties, why then by all means. But I promise, the old flame will indeed be rekindled. Wanna throw away what you now have? It's up to you. This is a no brainer.
2006-12-28 11:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says it not OK... I mean, you both are adults and you know how to live responsible lives. Keep the lines of communication open and be honest with one another. Enjoy the excitement, you deserve to live well and be free to make your own choice.
2006-12-28 11:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is OK for this to happen
I have friends I talk to from way back now and then..
talk kids
talk food
talk what ever comes up..good friends are forever not just until marriage..
smile
good luck
2006-12-28 15:14:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋