My husband almost left me over his close friendship with a woman he works with. Can we survive this and how?

Question

2 fridays ago my husband told me that he was leaving me. He denied any involvement with anyone else. He really wanted to go out on the Saturday night with his workmates. I asked him to go out, stay at his mums and come home with his decision on sunday. He came home saying that he wanted to stay with me. Over the following week he admitted that he had got close, over the past couple of weeks to a woman at work. They texted and phoned but he says nothing else happened. I believe him when he says that he didn't sleep with her. She was out on the saturday with his workmates and him and that he decided then that he didn't want her but me. We have been married 14 years. Earlier on this year he went on a site called adult friend finders, didn't speak to anyone on it but kept looking at the site until i found out. He says the problem was that i was always on the computer and that he felt i didn't want him. I wasn't paying him much attention and will now but is it really that simple?

Answer 1

he obviously doesnt love you that much if he will leave you for the next available woman... why was he so in love with another woman, thats cheating so hell no

Answer 2

Only you can answer the question as to whether it will be that simple.
Can you ever get over this and move on and forgive him, but not forget...but also not bring it up everytime you two fight, or if he comes home abit late and cannot explain, or if a nosey friend or someone comes to you with rumors and accusations.
You have to either forgive and forget-to-bring-it-up-ever-again; but let your deep subconscience keep it inside you......and move on from here....or, you let him go now and don't look back.
I know this may sound harsh, but I will not apoligize, because I have been where you are, and I had to learn the hard way.
You and you alone know if you can ever get over this and ever learn to trust him again. Do you even want to? What was the general marriage like before all this happened? Aside from you being on the computer all the time, what was the relationship like? Did you share any other hobbies or activities as a couple or as a family?
Was he a good provider, both with your essentials and a few luxaries? Did you share a love that resembled the reason you two first met and married? Was there a trust there that you could tell him things that you wouldn't even tell your own mother?
Have you tried to spark things up in your marriage when you saw it was getting into a rut? Did you talk like you used to do when you were newlyweds or just dating?
If you can say yes to any of these, and can still smile when you go back and even remwember some of those times...then you do have a chance at making things work. But, you cannot start where you left off...you almost literaly have to start as if today was the first day of the rest of your life. I am sure that you have heard that saying before. It is so true. You need to decide that this is over and that things must begin anew and go from there to build (not re-build) a new relationship. Use the knowledge of what can be some of the pitfalls of a fallen marriage...but, use them in general terms...not related to your past experiences.
What is the relationship of this other woman now? Does she work with him still? Can he avoid her and is she the kind that will take no for an answer and not become a "fatal attraction" case?
He needs to definitely let her know that things are over with ehr and that his marriage with you and your life with your family are more important that a fling. Then he must stick by it. But, you need to trust him when he says that he has relayed this info. to her and not be susapicious of him evertime he is abit late, or the phone rings, you answer and no one is there or they hang up.
Have you ever heard the song..."YOUR NOBODY CALLED TODAY"?
If you see her in passing sometime with hubby, and she glances his way, and you ask him "Who was that" and he says "nobody", well, just remember....YOU CAN LOVE HIM LIKE 'NOBODY' CAN....EVEN BETTER!!!"

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 3

It sounds like he is blaming you for his deceitfulness, "your on the computer to much", just an excuse, he is turning things around. Do not trust him. He will never admit to having a sexual affair as he probably knows it would mean the end of his marriage. Have you met this women at his work?, if your husband needs to go to work related parties go with him, meet this other women and see how your husband act's towards you with this other women there. I also suggest you find a good marriage councelor. Good luck and be careful.

Answer 4

why didn't you go out with him two weeks ago? i don't understand these relationships that the girl is always the one sitting at home while the guy is out with his buddies.not just once in a while but every time.now as far as him saying that he has gotton close to this girl from work and even said he was leaving you. hell no!! and what is wrong with you? giving him a choice? and the sad part is he excepted your offer to decide who he wanted to be with you or her. honey, i would say see ya. sorry.

Answer 5

No, it's not that simple. Your husband is obviously looking for someone else, both on line and at his job! I would not believe anything he says because he has been deceitful to you and it shows his lack of respect for you and your marriage. I think you both need to see a marriage counsellor and see why he is acting this way...good luck...

Answer 6

Sounds like you both need to see a marriage counselor. No one on yahoo answer is really qualified to answer this. And both of you must be willing to change and make changes in your lives and want to fix things.

Answer 7

yes it could very well be that simple, give him some needed attention if you really want him and things should work out just fine! good luck

Answer 8

just leave him