How do I help my boyfriend before he's emotionally and financially devistated?

Question

My boyfriend has 3 children (9-12 yr old boys)with his ex. He has 50/50 custody- she doesn't allow him to take the kids any where w/o her or he visits them at her house. He ownes his own business which she remains involved in. She sends out and pays bills. He dictates what to write on his customers billing statements and gives all bills to be paid (unopened) to her. On the exterior he is a very tough individual. Others see him as intimidating. When it comes to his ex he's a total wimp. She is 8 yrs older than him & a bully. He is very upset over his limited visits with his kids but won't push the issue. Whatever she says goes! I feel she is going to screw him over with his business. She knows every dime he takes in, she doesn't work ( what she does for him takes 2-3 hours a week) He pays all of her expenses & she has free range of the business account. She makes him an emotional wreck. He keeps secrets about this from his family & friends. He won't listen to my suggestions.

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do, if he wants a change he is the one that has to do it.
I would be concerned about my relationship with this type of man. Why does he let his EX still control everything? Are you sure that he must only see the kids at her home or that she insists that they all go together as a family? Maybe that is just what he tells you, maybe he actually still enjoys being with her and hoping they can get back together.

Answer 2

this man is soo nyc.. his ex is a ryt BYTCH. jus coz hes gt the kids dunt mean he has 2 pay all her expenses- hes got his own life to liv too. if she allowed him to have custody of a child then the expenses would be less that he pays for her. obviously he luvs his kids, thats why hes quite.

has court ordered her to hav the permission to continue working with him? wat if she takes some money out into her account that hes made? after all she is looking at his bills.

however, in the emanwhile, i think he is vunerable and will be stressed due to work and keeping u n his ex happy . (ex happy as in paying expenses so she wont jump 2 court again).

since shes 8yrs older, shes more experiencedd and clever which is making him feel low. also that he isnt able to c his kids.
when u sed he givs the bill to be paid to her, then i think she myt just even destroy his busines since she kinda hates him- by not payin bills on time.
like u sed "screw him over with his business" - this can ahppen in many ways. tell him to grip a hold of himself n sort the situation out before he does breakdown otherwise hell feel weaker.
advise him to give that job to someone more trustworthy. n it will relive some stress off his mind. she has him under total control and since hes already feeling bad hes afraid to tell his family. ( y dnt u tell them - if he gets angry with that then hell knw that at the ned its for his own good. ) obviousl;y do talk to him again 2nyt, let him relax n calmly make him c the goods and bads of wats happening. or else hell fall into deppresion.


overall - try make the EX understand (nt u- or shell go mad, but sum else) calmly that he is the father and children need the paternal love also.

dont the kids wanna c their dad more oftern? if they say n insist that in court then itw ill one thing off his mind that eh will be able tio c tehm more often if court agrees. sure tehy would, coz theyd also want what the children want also.



tkcr.. gudluck all.

Answer 3

You are in a very tough spot here also. You see that he is need, but there is no real way for you to help him. The best advice I can give you is that men are hard headed. The only thing that you can do is let him know that you are there for him, and willing to help him in anyway that you can. Given that this is such a delicate area, you cannot push him into to doing anything. Every step that he makes needs to be on his terms.

Just let him know that you are there for him

Answer 4

Pray about it, light a white candle for 24 hours for your boyfriend, say some prayers for things to be revealed in front of his eyes.

When you try and tell people what to do, you put more stress on them so let go and let God. I realize that you care and mean well. Believe me that you may not realize, you by trying to tell him moreso for his benefit on what to do adds lots of more stress on him. Let him figure things out on his own if he is not accepting advice. Pray that he is not in the dark about certain issues pertaining to his business.

Post an angel prayer request on the internet for him for him that is what I did when I was barely surviving on any money, making sure the business had a cash flow.

I was in a sort of same situation where people were getting into my business too, since then my fiancee has turned his business around. I was helping him and people were just trying stressing me out by telling me that he was just using me.

From now on trust in higher power, close thy mouth. Have faith
sister, let higher power fight the battle. The tongue can be dangerous, it can uplift or kill!

Answer 5

He needs to grow up, If he got divorced he dos not need her to work for him. she is not entitled to work for him. He can take the kids where ever he need to go without her. When you dicorced get out of every thing that invovles her. He is not obligated to be with her, If it continues get a new lawyer, is seems he still want to be with her and for you if it dosn't change leave.Because if you don't you will go down the drain with him. You need to be like his exwife because thats whats he's use to GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 6

Take him to the Citizen's advice Bureau; or the Samaratens; or the Salvation Army - they may be able to point you in the right direction.
OR - (if desperate!) - the social services department.

Answer 7

Go slash her tires and then come back and tell us what happened.