My daughter came to me for some advise. She said she is getting torn between her friends and her boyfriend. They seem to think that her boyfriend is gay and she is really tired of hearing it. She has blocked her friends out as long as she can, but it is starting to get to her. She is actually starting to question his sexuality herself... She says she doesn't want a gay boyfriend and needs to know the truth... He does have some gay tendencies, but I don't know if he is or not myself... Should she just ignore the comments that are really hurting her, or should she confront him on this and get the issue out of the way??? Her fear is that asking him will hurt him even more than what she is going through, and she doesn’t want that to happen either.... Please, we need some good advise....
2006-12-28 01:47:22 · 13 answers · asked by Couple of Cents 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
First off, it's NONE of YOUR business!
Really, I know you just want to protect your daughter as any mother would, but you have to learn to back off yourself. Step away from the situation and let her deal with this herself.
As a parent, I know it's a tough thing to do at times, you just want to protect your kids from any kind of pain, but that's how they learn to deal with real life.
Secondly, the ONLY way she will ever know for sure is if he says he's gay. It's his choice to talk about it or not. Being gay is not something anyone chooses, but talking about it is.
There's no way to know if he is or not unless he says so. You cannot assume he is or not..for him. Your daughter might want to have a "heart to heart" with him, but a few "tendencies" here and there doesn't mean anything.
Don't read too much into it.
I have a dear friend who comes off as a screaming flamer, totally gay theatre buff/actor who's flamboyent, outrageous, uses phrases like "sweety darlin" and even has a slight swish about him.....but who's as straight as a lazer light. Yes, he's effeminate, but that doesn't automatically make a guy gay.
2006-12-28 03:57:05 · answer #1 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what sometimes my best firiend tell me that who is gay or who is not as well, it always happen and always wrong. If your daughter date this guy so it means at least she thought him a heterosexual at first. And she need not to get nuds of her boyfriend that someone said he's gay. Maybe he do have some tendencies, like good cook, and speaking really smooth. It means nothing. By the time you asked this question you already considered your daughter's boyfriend as a gay as well isn't you? Yes she can ask but must trough a really gentle and covert way that don't let him noticed. But I'm not pretty sure that your daghter might already asked him "are you gay" out loud or not. Anyways, he probably not gay and if you wanna ask plz make the conversation easy!!!!!!!
Besides I don't he's gay and you should show more details
2006-12-28 10:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by Zac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will hurt him if she asks and if she does not ask. Is he hiding being gay from himself? from her? Or is he really straight? There are no gay tendencies. Everyone is different in their own way. A straight guy can have a limp wrist and love clothes too.
Sorry state when someone thinks more of what their friends say then what their significant other feels. Words do hurt more then sticks and stones.
She does need to talk to him. NOT ASK HIM IF HE IS GAY. But to feel him out, about sexuality in general. Some topics she can talk to him about are:
What his views on homosexual men and women are?
Do you have any gay friends? relatives? co-workers?
Have you ever had any gay experiences or feelings?
Ever been curious about being with another man?
Ever seen a gay video?
Let it be a discussion not an accuse him of wrong doing.
He may lie like a rug, he may discover that he is gay or is straight.
As for her friends, if she needs to block them out then she needs NEW FRIENDS.
She may think she does not want a gay boyfriend, accept him for what he is, not what you want him to be. He is hurting himself the most by hiding who he really is, everyone else are collateral damage.
Before anything happens get the name of a good therapist that specializes in Gays and Lesbian issues. Contact www.glnh.org for local help.
2006-12-28 10:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by dillon Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a common one, but still not easy. If in fact the boy is gay, your daughter may just be a cover so that people won't find out he is gay. Some boys at that age do it. It is unfair to the girl all the same.
Unfortunately there is no easy way to confront him. If he is gay, but not ready to come out, he will deny it and possibly stop talking to her as a friend.
If she is questioning already, gay or not, she may not be happy in this relationship. They need to talk about being together and just see if "very good friends" is the way to be.
Your daughter needs to protect her feelings above all else.
2006-12-28 10:13:40 · answer #4 · answered by The Gay Argentian Seal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gay tendencies? What exactly are those? Just because a man can cook, is sensitive, likes show tunes, is a good decorator... whatever,.... he's gay?
Just because you are something (gay, straight) doesn't mean you have to act a certain way or conform to society's stereotype.
There's too much speculation going on. The only way to know for sure is to ask... gently.
2006-12-28 09:58:18 · answer #5 · answered by OnlyMe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should confront him on this and get the issue out of the way.. But don't make a big deal about it, that way he will be comfortable and it might not make a big issue with it, along with that she needs to tell him how she feels also...
2006-12-28 09:51:39 · answer #6 · answered by Ray8l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered Community Centers have a sliding scale fee when it comes to counseling/therapy services. The best thing for her is to explore herself so that she may love herself more as whatever she may be.
2006-12-28 11:35:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She should talk to him:let her tell him that all her friends think he is gay.
And let her ask him to respond to that.
I think they have had sex,or not?
That detail would have made it much easier to react to your question.
Maybe he is the way he is and straight,or gay,or bi-sexual.
It's better to let your daughter talk to him,before she ends up by herself,without her friends.
Greetings:Rob.xxxx
2006-12-28 09:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should ignore the friends. they are probably just jealous and are trying to ruin their relationship.
gay tendancies? what exactly is he doing? if he is dating your daughter, then he's not gay.. he may be bi, but not gay. if he was gay, he'd be dating boys.. not girls. it's that simple.
if these tendancies have something to do with his lack of sex interest, well, they are teens (i assume) they are young, and he might not be ready for sex.. just because he isn't ready or willing to do it, doesn't mean he is gay..
2006-12-28 17:15:49 · answer #9 · answered by Jeff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she REALLY needs to find new friends. Also, the stereotypes are starting to go away and be completely wrong.
2006-12-28 13:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋