My husband commented that I was not sexy. I admit that I have some work to do, but it seems like he wants a quick fix for something that I have struggled with my entire life, weight. I try to do the best with what I have but he doesn't seem to notice. I bought a new pair of dark jeans and wore them with a v-neck sweater and a blazer over it, I thought how trendy and cute. His comment was, those jeans make your bottom look bigger. I was crushed and went to change immediately. I am having trouble becoming motivated to change, since I become resolved to make him see he is wrong about me. It becomes a battle of wills, the "I'll show him..." syndrome that gets us nowhere. He says, "Instead of trying to cover up what you have and make it seem like you are something you are not i.e. an hour glass figure, why don't you make more of an effort to lose weight?" I feel as though I can not win for losing, don't bother and I am a slob, make an effort and I am deceitful.
2006-12-28 01:30:50 · 9 answers · asked by msfeliz777 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
real women don't look like those models portrayed in magazines. and it was pretty lousy that your husband told you that you were not sexy. those wedding vows didn't say anything about loving and cherishing except when he thinks you've gained too much weight. and from personal experience, i know that this is not a motivater. the only way you're going to get motivated to change your diet and exercise is if you want to do it, not for your lousy husband! so how do you add spice back into this marriage scenario? get some counseling. your husband's got an attitude problem. is he so perfect that he can point out your flaws? i think not. so if he thinks he can inspire you to lose weight so he can feel good about himself, he's got some learning to do. there is no toughlove in weight loss. frak that. once he can see that his brash comments are unwelcome and are going to have an adverse effect and that he needs to support you and your own self image, then you can move forward with that spice... discover a new hobby together (walking or exercising?) or go on some dates. remember all that excitement you felt when you were dating? get that back. relive old moments. carpe diem.
2006-12-28 01:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First your husband is an Asshole for passing rude comments, why did he marry you, as you mentioned you have struggled with weight all your life, so when he married you was weight not an issue for him then? Most of use battle with weight. Instead of passing rude comments, he should try and motivate you to lose weight. Take long walks together, this way you can spend more time walking and talking with each other. Get a gym membership for both and workout together, share workout tips with you, diet and eat healthy together. Criticizing you will get him no way except you will slump and stop caring, I guess your husband has never heard of positive reinforcement. Sexy is not how skinny you are, sexy is not about how skinny you look naked, but its how about you present yourself. Forget your husband, you have to respect yourself, be confident, and feel comfortable in your own skin and sexiness will follow, trust me. It will take some time, if not your husband, I am sure other men will take notice.
2006-12-28 09:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to look at what makes you happy first. You would feel better about yourself and sexier if you were at a healthy weight. Were you heavy when you met him or have you put on the weight since you got married? I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with me, but I feel that you should maintain what you start with. If I met a guy who was fit and at a healthy weight and he later gained a lot, I would have a hard time staying attracted to him. Mostly it is because I want a partner who is physically able to keep up with me--on a hiking trail, a bike, rollerblades and in the bedroom.
If you want to lose weight for you, there is no magic trick. It's calories in versus calories out. If you end up trying to lose weight to please him, you are more likely to fail because you will become bitter about it.
2006-12-28 09:36:07 · answer #3 · answered by schweetums 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think all healthy marriages go through this type of thing at one point or another. I know my wife and I had the same discussion on several occasions. Your husband may not be very tactful. He needs to work on that.
But here's what he is trying to say-" I want to be sexually attracted to you. It's not the clothes that make you sexy. It's the way you feel about yourself. If you are wearing clothes that hide you body, you do not feel good about yourself. Women that do not not feel good about themselves are not sexy. I think if you were to excersise more, that would make you feel better about yourself and at the same time you will lose weight. And you will be a sexier woman, not just for me, but for you also. I'm sorry if I make you feel bad about yourself, but I want you to be the object of my sexual desire."
That's what he meant.
2006-12-28 09:40:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though he is frustrated and is taking it out on you. In this situation I would have a girly night in or at one of your mates and get them to do your hair and make up and arragne to meet your husband in a pub. If he does not appreciate the effort that has been done then perhaps it is time to have a husband make over
2006-12-28 09:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he is not happy at all. May be he is trying to get you to leave him. No person in love would say "those jeans make your bottom look bigger" a wise man would say "new jeans hun?" nice... he would recognize that you are doing your best to please him... Find some who will be pleased with whatever you do & are and will support u positively
2006-12-28 09:36:24 · answer #6 · answered by momof3 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why not join a gym together if he's so
upset w/ your looks, this way you could be together &
take care of yourself @ the same time, best of luck
& tell him that he should help you w/ the weight
issue NOT hurt you w/ saying mean things about it
2006-12-28 09:43:10 · answer #7 · answered by start 6-22-06 summer time Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if you were an "hour glass figure"when you married him and let yourself get to the point you are now before trying to do something about it, i can see his point. If not he is just an asssshole
2006-12-28 09:36:02 · answer #8 · answered by Brian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well.....all I can say is that a man who really loved you would be helpful and supportive of your efforts and love you for who you are......he is being mean, nasty and not at all loving or supportive....I would show him by leaving his nastiness behind.....take care of yourself and do it for you not him....move on and good luck
2006-12-28 09:36:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋