Ive beem married twice, is this a turn off for women?

Question

Ive been married twice now. Both marriages have more of less suffered the same consequences. ONe of my mistakes that peers and family memebers have pointed out to me is that im too good and give in right away. In my marriages i would always try to keep my partner happy, giving her all the love, attention, freedom, trust,finance. But when they started spoiling on me, i couldnt set them straight! They got accustomed to the way i treated them. And then i was no longer the man of the house!! Well that gradually led to into considerations of divorce. Which i did. Is it me? or has it been that ive encountered the wrong women of society?

Answer 1

My husband had been married twice before. The first time he and his wife were young. She cheated on him and the marriage lasted less than a year. His second marriage resulted from his "booty call" getting pregnant and his folks insisting that he do "the right thing". That marriage lasted 11 years. My husband is a decent man, and for these two women he was a way out of bad situations (namely dysfunctional family lives). The marriages were doomed because they didn't originate out of love for both parties, but out of a need that one person had.

When my husband and I met, he had sworn that he would never marry again. He married me because of our ability to be open and honest with each other; we married late in life (39 me, 46 he) so we're all grown up and have learned from our mistakes and experiences.

You haven't encountered the wrong women of society, you made a choice to get involved with them both. You can encounter lots of people and situations, but the decision to engage is strictly yours alone. When you consider what your friends and family have said, you chose to spoil these women then couldn't understand why you couldn't turn it around.

You should ask yourself why you have to go through so much to keep a woman's interest in you. Ask yourself do you require the same of your partner in return. Speaking for myself, I want a man who is my equal, someone with whom I can be a true partner. I want us to build a relationship together, not just be handed everything I or he thinks I want. I'd be mad as hell if he was spoiling me then was on my back when he thought I had too much. It sounds to me like the women you're involved with don't respect you because you give them so much; when you don't get it in return, (and your relationship should have been recipricol from the onset) you suddenly try to "man up."

Work on building your confidence. Let women accept you without you having to be Prince Charming. Don't come to a woman's rescue, meet her as an equal partner. You can treat women well without being a doormat. Be attentive, but allow her some space. Be loving, but not smothering. Don't give her EVERYTHING, because you'll need something for yourself. Don't make a woman your universe, but build your own world with room for her as a happy addition. You may be surprised at the outcome.

Answer 2

I totally understand your situation, as mine is the same. I am a very caring, considerate person and give women respect loyalty freedom and attention. Then they crap on me so to speak. I really don't think they respect a man that is this easy. I can't help it because it's my nature. I've asked around and I have been told that there is nothing wrong with me for being like that, just don't let anyone take avantage of you. So, it's not us, it is the type of women we are attracted to. There are alot of selfish people in this world that are worried about #1 mainly and I am beginning to believe that most are women; and I seem to fall for that type.
I think I may find that book by Dr. Phil for myself and read up on it. I love being married, but I have got to have a wife that is willing to put the same amount of work in the relationship as I have. So far, I have been the giver in relationships and not getting hardly anything out of it. It's always been me making the sacrifices, compromising everything. Good Luck Man. Don't give up and don't change. Be yourself; and pick the right kind of woman next time. I know that's what I'm going to try and do.

Answer 3

you cant be blamed for being a nice guy but at the same time you allowed yourself to be taken over by overpowering women,,they may not have set out to be this way but without you saying the occasional,"NO,WE CANT DO THAT" or,"IF YOU DO THAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE WORDS" you may have just lost their respect,,it does take two to make a relationship work and you doing all the giving and demanding little in return doesnt scream,'i am the man of this house' does it! failed marriages are no fun and starting again is even worse for some but if you can recognize anything you could have done to make yourself feel more appreciated within these relationships them maybe you can make sure as not to repeat the same mistakes,,,it isnt the amount of failed marriages that counts i dont think,,it is whether or not you have learned anything about yourself when the marriages failed,,'does this kind of person make me happy?,does this person treat me with respect,does this person show she has the same goals as me,,,,there is only so much you can predict and the rest should show in time,,,take small steps and be sure you are actually getting out of the relationship what you want and not just what you get.

Answer 4

I am on my forth marriage and that has not not been a turnoff that I know of, it just proves that some people will not make it,( not everyones oppinion I'm sure) But I think that you have answered your own question. You said that you start out by doing all these things tok spoil the crap out of your wife and then when you create this spoiled brat you feel like you lost CONTROL. Does that mean that you stopped being the way you were? Sounds like you know what you did to create the problem so don't do that again. As for myself I loved that part of being spoiled and it made me love my husband more. What do you mean they started spoiling on you? and you couldn't set them straight?

Answer 5

It's not a complete turn off, especially when there is no kids involved. Only when kids are involved and child support is being paid out is it a turn off, (unless you have enough money to feed everybody) and if you just have too much baggage. Once you start spoiling a woman, you have to continue because that's what we're used to. However, relationships shouldn't be based on gifts. It should be based on love and respect for one another. It's o.k to give in but make sure she's not just using you to get what she want's and what she want's only. Set bounderies, compromise, and remember, you need to feel loved, happy, spoiled, trust and all that good stuff too.

Answer 6

You are partially to blame but I would say that being considerate or trying to make your spouse happy isn't a bad thing, we all want to live harmoniously. I'm not sure but maybe (just maybe) you try to hard? A marriage takes two and your partner has to do there part or it won't work out. I personally think women do think it's a turnoff (married twice) so when it's discussed don't say anything unless you absolutely have to but no details. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think turn off is too strong a term for what we women feel. It is a red flag, something to be cautious of. I think you are who you are which seems like a really "pat" answer. But it is hard or even impossible sometimes to change who we are at the core. Why not swear off dating right now and take time for you, to reflect on what you really want in a woman. What do you want from her?
Dr; Phil has a really good book on finding the right partner. I don't recall the name right now, but if you go to the book store you will find it. He hasn't authored that many books. It takes you through the steps of how to find a mate. Take time to do it right next time.
If a man puts that much thought and effort into getting it right it is not a turn off.

Answer 8

It would be a red flag ... you're saying you spoil your lady, then when they become spoiled you stop and you can't fix them. How about don't go overboard with spoiling someone ... You can't be Mr Wonderful during the dating process then get married and sit back, do nothing and think it's all going to be good. You should be who you are before you get married ... if you're not going to be considerate after marriage, don't fake it before ... then there won't be anything to fix !!!!

Answer 9

It would be for me - a huge red flag - and a definite NO WAY. It looks like you're incapable of commitment. Before I got married, I dated several men who were 10-20 yrs older then me and most were divorced one time - I never considered them for marriage, regardless of their feelings for me. I simply could not commit to a man who had already committed to someone else at one point or another in his life. I liked the idea of getting married to a first timer, such as myself, and experiencing everything together without any prior baggage.

Answer 10

I don't think it would be a turn off so much as making one wonder: What is wrong with you? It is best not to tell every woman you date right away how many times you've been married but if she asks...tell her the truth. Just remember, you don't have to marry every woman you "fall in love" with.