Am I gay if I find another man handsome or attractive?

Question

I asked before and It was removed! Its a totally serious question, asked in a respectful non-offensive manner. Here was my question:

I find the male physique aesthetically pleasing in a non-sexual way. Like michaelangelo's David or the Greek Sculptures of Gods and heroes.

The female physique is also good (this I find sexually attractive, the curves and vuluptuousness of the female body), however I think the male physique is more aesthetically designed.

There are other characteristics about men that are appealing to me, but remain unsaid because of the unspoken "guy code". Such as wardrobe (women's clothing are more versatile and sytlish but there is something about the simplicity of a man's wardrobe that is appealing). Personality, there is just something about a cool, suave, confident, well dressed man that is appealing.

It's so easy for women to talk about these things, but for a man its a problem. Am I in the closet but don't know it?

How is that question offensive?

Answer 1

I've had several answers pulled and reported and I am at a loss to understand why, so I wouldn't sweat it.

However in answer to your question, its obvious that you are heterosexual. Your sexual response dictate your sexuality. If you have a sexual response to women and not to men, then you are heterosexual. If you have a sexual response to men and not to women, you are homosexual. If you have a sexual response to both genders, then you are bisexual. Its actually very simple but yet so complicated at the same time, as much of life is.

You are right, you are not going to be able to discuss this with most men. However there are plenty of straight men who have the same appreciations you do, and who do not question their sexuality because they are secure in their masculinity. I think you need a better class of friends if you are afraid to discuss the things on your mind without the fear of being labeled something that you are not.

And btw, the things you are talking about reminds me very much of the Japanese male, who do not question the friendships and admiration of the male while being a very heterosexual society. Or men in the 50's and 60's, think James Bond, where were very urban and sophisticated and their desire to look suave and appreciate the male, was never confused with being homosexual.

Answer 2

No. Admiring another person's physical beauty is not the same as sexual attraction. Straight women frequently say that another woman is beautiful. We don't get called lesbians. If a straight man says another guy is good-looking they get called gay. It's a stupid double standard. I think it's cool when a straight guy can admit that another man is handsome. It shows a sense of security and openness. I admire your honesty. It's refreshing. Your question is quite eloquent and intelligently worded. After weeding through all the stupid questions, which are quite common in this category, it's nice to come across a decent one. I'm a straight woman and I don't ever remember being sexually aroused by another woman but I can find the female body pleasing to look at. It's the male form that turns me on sexually.

Answer 3

Women are constantly saying how beautiful other women are. Just because he can appreciate that others are attractive, does not mean he is sexually attracted to them. Of course that doesn't mean he's definitely not bi-sexual. I have no idea. But I don't think that this comment is any indication whatsoever that he isn't straight. I wouldn't worry about it to be honest. Everyone can look at another person, despite their gender, and know whether they think they're good looking or not. Your boyfriend just feels comfortable enough to share his opinion that his friend's a good looking guy.

Answer 4

If we were talking about women then by that way of thinking all women on the planet are gay but since we're talking about men, I think you are not necessarily gay but definately different to most men. The fact that you find another man pleasing could be that you have a unique look on things but since you continued with the other appealing additives.. you are a little feminine at least in your outlook perhaps.

Answer 5

You are not gay unless you happen to want to have sex with the men that you notice, and there is nothing wrong with that if you do.

I am stright and find men attractive but I am not attracted to them in a sexual way. There is a theory about relationships (non-sexual) that we all gravitate towards people that we wish to emulate in some way. I enjoy the company of handsome younger guys becuase I would love to be younger and more attractive myself. I also enjoy the company of younger and more attractive women becuase I have a penis and it does the thinking from there on in.

You find cool, suave, confident and well dressed men attractive becuase you would like to emulate those qualities yourself, so would I and so would the majority of men.

Good for you for trying to break free of the homophobia that grip most men, I didnt lose mine until I worked with lots of gay guys on a cruise ship. When you are around homosexuals you lose the adolecesnt fear that showing them any sort of friendliness will be misinterpreted as a sign of sexual attraction and you can let that crap go from your physce.

Mind you most of the suave, cool, confident and well dressed men I currently know are gay but thats becuase they work hard, have developed their dress sense and live at the gym.......if you put the work in you could emulate those qualities too.

Answer 6

Do you find your appreciation of the male physique sexual or is it merely an artistic appreciation? Only you can answer that. When you see a well dressed man, do you think to yourself 'wow, that guy looks nice' or 'wow, I'd like to kiss him'? The difference there is subtle but telling. There's nothing inherently homosexual about a guy appreciating a well-dressed man. That's just cultural stigma speaking. There's also no rule that says you can't find *both* men and women attractive.

Answer 7

If the attraction doesn't lead you to sexual fantasies, it is as you say. On the other hand, if it upsets you, adds uneasiness, gives you insomnia, then you could be repressing your homosexuality.
Michelangelo was gay and no one can deny his artistic talents.
I also consider the human body beautiful and I can admire a naked woman in the same manner I can admire male nakedness. As long as there are no handicaps, then what I feel is pity and sorrow.
Only a narrow-minded person can say that your question is offensive. You are expressing a legitimate inquiry without any underlying prejudice.

Answer 8

No, it certainly doesn't make you gay.

You, like most straight men suffer from the largely unspoken effects of homophobia. Because it would seem gay men don't talk about these subjects, men don't hug in public, men don't cry.

If straight men could have these restraints removed they could lead much happier and more fulfilled lives.

Congratulations to you for realizing what's going on and moving past it on some level.

Answer 9

Your question is not offensive in any way and I think no gay member of this forum would ever recommend that it be removed.

To answer your question, as you describe yourself, no you are not gay. You are both secure in your sexuality and open-minded in a way most heterosexual men in our society are not. Whether they can not be so or dare not be so remains an open question. You have an aesthetic sense which is highly developed and freely expressed, at least within yourself. Were you to express these feelings outwardly in this homophobic society you would likely be labeled "gay" by many heterosexual men who are incapable of comprehending such feelings outside the dimension of sexuality. But even such false labeling would not make you gay.

Let me just give you an analogy from the field of music which also has to do with aesthetics. Suppose you were into rock music like most of your contemporaries but also appreciated other forms of music like jazz, rhythm and blues, country, spirituals, new age, world, classical, etc. Would that make you any less a rock enthusiast? No, it would make you an open-minded aesthetic individual with diverse tastes in music and likely in other aspects of human life as well. It would make you an interesting individual, one I would be proud to call a friend.

Answer 10

You've answered your own question. "in a non-sexual way".

If your pulse doesn't race at the sight of a man who you find attractive/handsome/simply dressed... then it is apparent you cannot be (bisexual or) gay.

What you have is Aesthetic perception and the balls to not do the guy thing and hide the fact.