to forget the guy. Am in touch with him off and on. He seems to be leading his own life and cares for me only as a friend. I know time heals, but in my case its taking me a long time. Its not that I am not trying. I get very jealous of his wife and how he spends time with his family (something that is lacking in my married life). He appears to be such a caring and loving husband. I want my husband to be the same. But he is different. Though he loves me, he does not show it the same way. How do i stop making comparisons and be happy with what I have, instead of all the time wanting something which is obviously not meant to be?
2006-12-27 23:01:53 · 31 answers · asked by Aarti 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you want for affection from your husband explain to him how important it is to you. Most spouses just need to know what their mate needs and in most cases they will be happy to fulfill that need. Second...If the man you had an affair with was so loving and caring for his wife he would not have had an affair with you. Sometimes we see what we want to see. You say your husband loves you....then just talk with him and let him know what you need from the relationship....The marriage! Most people knows what they want from their spouse but never tell that person...Without telling them they don't know. Put this affair behind you.....chances are if this man had an affair with you then he has had others also.....He is not the caring man you think he is or he would not risk hurting his wife this way.
2006-12-27 23:22:26 · answer #1 · answered by Robin L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you concentrate more on how you make people around you happy you will forget about your own selfish needs. I mean you are married your husband loves you...does he think about being with other women without you knowing? We are the only people in our lives who can actually change it. Cut yourself off from that other guy hes married and hes just messing up your mind. Go sit outside look up at the sky think about how small part of such a great universe you are. There is no-one else like you. Maybe get your husband with you, appreciate the good you once saw in him. Love live you deserve to be happy. Now just let yourself be happy
2006-12-28 00:01:42 · answer #2 · answered by WillC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that there are two types of people that have affairs. Those who cannot commit to just one person and those who are in a relationship and things are drastically going wrong. It sounds as if things were not right in your marriage and you reached out to someone else. I had an affair about 9 or so years ago. My husband at the time was mean, aggressive and a bully. I then met someone who treated me like a princess and ignited in me something I never felt before. I left ex and have never regretted it. I am still with the guy, married and have kids. Think about your marriage, are you getting what you need and deserve?
2006-12-28 00:55:34 · answer #3 · answered by lisamarkcreasey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation. You've had a taste of forbidden fruit. You like it. But you cannot have the fruit all the time, because it is forbidden. You want your fruit to be the same. It cannot be. You have two different fruits. You've got to accept it and move on. Some people are luckier than others. The man's wife is luckier than you are. You have a husband. You should both try to make it work for you. There is no point in comparing your relationship with other people's. We are all different.
2006-12-27 23:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off there is no such thang as meant to be in my book. You had an affair and now you can't have the man you cheated with within your hubby. One part of me says THATS WHAT YOU GET!! The other part says if things were so low in your marriage you should have done things to try to fix them instead of embarking on an affair with a man that you can NOT have. You brought your depression on yourself and you should be ashamed. Try marriage counseling.....confess that you cheated.....deal with it. I do not know which of these answers will work for you but you need to work on YOU for sure.
2006-12-27 23:07:15 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you're going through this. First, you won't be able to stop the comparing or thinking of this guy unless you cut all ties. Also, remember things aren't always what they seem. He may seem like a great guy, but there are obviously issues in his relationship because he strayed as well. Secondly, you won't be able to make things right in your current relationship unless you come clean. If you don't say anything there will always be a ball of secrets between you and your spouse. You'll never be able to completely connect preventing you from reaching the full potential of your relationship. I hope you find what you need; remember you're in control of your pursuit of happiness.
2006-12-28 00:45:53 · answer #6 · answered by BEC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Katie darling
u have done this out of immense pressure ...i do agree .. going by Indian culture if u come clean of this to ur husband u better be ready for divorce ... if that guy is ready for marriage then go ahead with another guy or else need to end any type of relationship with him ... it leads u no where ...
among all this nonsense u have ur children to take care of .. i would advice plunge only when u have that guy with u or ...
all the best ...
was urs arranged marriage ???
do answer this ...
bye
2006-12-28 02:25:35 · answer #7 · answered by Sansita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? It seems that you and your husband lost track of each other... and you found a support system somewhere else. The best thing to do would be to cease contact with the other guy, and seek out a therapist that can help you reconnect with your needs and what you expect out of your marriage.
2006-12-27 23:08:31 · answer #8 · answered by frogsandweeniedogs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go meet his wife she will tell you what a horrible guy he is. How can you say he is a caring and loving husband when he is having affairs(are you sure he is having affair only with you). Is your husband having affairs like he does?
When you say he is better what does it mean, better in sex?
If you want to continue the affair go ahead and dont feel guilty. If you feel guilty shut up and stay with your husband
2006-12-28 04:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by mamakumar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You crossed the forbidden line. That is your conscience that makes you uneasy, restless and incontent. Nothing will work out and you will be in turmoil until you fess up and come clean. Maybe, just maybe if your very lucky you will be able to salvage your marriage.
Sometimes people don't realize how well they have it or how good something is until they loose. Problem is, many times it's too late.
I would suggest couseling. Find out why you crossed the line, and then if your both willing; work on the marriage. You obviously are unhappy and you must first find out why before you can fix it.
2006-12-27 23:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋