How to let go and knowing its the end?

Question

I was iin a complicated relationship. i was good friends with a person for 4 years, but recently we became more than friends and fell in love, but are both in marriages with kids. We tried on several occasions to end our relationship for a variety of reasons of which I am sure you are aware. I never in my life thought I would be in this situation and feel deep guilt, but we still love each other very much. I believe in my heart we are soulmates, but met at a wrong time in our lives. We recently came close to leaving our spouses completely, but ended up in the same in the arrangement because of children. However, this time we have not and I will not have any psychical contact. I ache inside and am torn between letting go and cutting off communication completely, but I still care about this person. I don't expect anyone to understand or have compassion, but I need clarity of what to do. I cry everyday.

Answer 1

I have no right to judge you at all.
You obviously need to sort it out ASAP!

Its very complicated & people will be hurt whatever you decide to do. Who do you make happy here? You or others?

Listen to your heart!

Answer 2

I ache and have sympathy and empathy for you. You are not the only person in the world in this kind of situation. There is no easy answer, the only answer would have been to never start the relationship with the other person. Now you are in it, you must decide what is more important. Your family or your happiness. If you have no contact with him and never speak to him again you may be able to eventually stop crying everyday. But if your marriage has some troubles, then be honest enough with yourself to admit that is why you started something with someone else. If you don't fix it, then it will happen again with someone else. Affairs are hurtful and so are divorces. You need to do what is right for you. He may never leave, so is that something your ok with. What if you decided to leave and he didn't, then where would you be? There are so many questions that come with affairs. The only answer would be don't have one. But you are already in it. Stop seeing, talking, and thinking about him by occupying your mind with something else. Or the two of you could decide that you are soulmates and hope for a good relationship when you have kids together and bills to pay together. The latter is the reason affairs aren't real relationships. You don't do real life together. Please don't torture yourself with an affair, they are ugly.

Answer 3

I don't envy your position. But then again i don't have any sympathy for anyone who cheats in any relationship, none whatsoever.

I put cheating right up there next to emotional and physical abuse when it is found out and what devastation it brings to the other spouse not to mention the children. In many way's it's more destructive than any other thing.

You should be ashamed of yourself for 3 reasons.
1. You betrayed your marriage vows.
2. You betrayed your spouse
3. You betrayed your children

Basically you are a very selfish individual, and many innocent people are going to be hurt if they learn of this cheating.

End the cheating relationship, and stay with your family. Try to work through this by telling yourself that the cheating was wrong, that you were selfish. Don't do it again. Don't contact the other party to this cheating relationship for any reason.

You may want to seek the advice of a mental health professional and i would recommend you do it immediately.

Answer 4

Take into consideration your childrens ages, will it hurt them deeply if you were to file for a divorce. You shouldn't stay in a relationship that you are not completely happy in. That can't be healthy for the kids either, especially if they are seeing you cry all the time. If this other person is wanting the same thing as you then you should go with what your hearts are telling you to do to be together. How can you stay with your partner knowing that you have betrayed him. If he knows about this and is still with you, you should feel very lucky because that doesn't happen too often but, still you should get out of the relationship (marriage) that you're in and be with the one who you truely love if that is what makes you completely happy. Do what makes you happy.

Answer 5

if you are serious about letting go then let go and that's how you should now and another thing you both should have thought about your kids from the beginning if you had thought about them in the first place you wouldn't be in this type of situation using the kids is just a cop-out to stay with with your spouses if you are so in love and were meant to be together why let your kids or anyone else come in between that.when people are in love they don't let nothing come in between what they have. so the both of you are really not in love it seems that you may just may have love for that person you know like you would love a cousin or something to that nature.

Answer 6

The morally right advice for me to give you would be to say stay with your partner for the sake of your kids...unfortunately I cannot do that. What would be best for your kids? Growing up in a loveless marriage between mum and dad? Bearing witness to constant arguments and fault finding? Or seeing mum and dad happy, leading two separate lives but happy? I'm not saying leave your partner but what I am saying make sure that this is your soul mate and that it's not just pure lust and that the two of you are longing after something simply because you can't have it!!! Only you can decide at the end of the day whether you are going to stay or go... Good luck

Answer 7

Think of the kids. They never asked for a broken home you might give them if you choose to leave your spouse.
At the same time, as much as I value commitment and marriage, you cannot "live a lie" every day. This too will damage your marriage, your kids, your job, your success, your home, in a word: everything.
Try to remember why you married the person you are with. Recall all the good times, the funny times, the romantic times.
For the sake of the kids and your family, try to save your marriage at all costs.

Answer 8

You'd be surprised as to how many people would understand your situation. I've been through it. And to my surprise, I was giving this other person so much of my time and attention that I neglected my spouse and he found someone else which in turn took me through a spin. I beg of you to start weening yourself away from this other person. It's a facade. You think you're feelings are real but they aren't. Take my word for it. You may not believe me right now, but you will.

You need to put your attention on your marriage. You don't say how long you've been married, but I can bet that regardless of how long you've been married, you are not paying too much attention to your spouse and kids. You are infatuated with this other person. You are doing good by not getting physical with this other person anymore, that just complicates things. Unfortunately, you may have to be at the verge of losing everything you've worked hard for before you realize what a big mistake you are making. It took me many years of having this "thing" with this other person before I realized that my marriage was extremely important to me. I let this other man go completely. Cold turkey. I don't answer his calls anymore and he's stopped calling. My husband and I are now in marriage counseling (and family counseling, as it also affected the kids). We've decided to come clean with everything and work on our marriage. We've also asked God to take over. You may need to start with individual counseling for yourself so that you can start finding out why you went outside of your marriage.

I wish you the very best of luck and hope and pray that you do the right thing before you destroy yourself and your spouse and kids also. You'll be in my prayers.

Answer 9

About twelve years ago my story was the same. After two years of trying to stay away, we finally caved. My family members were horrified(my mom didn't speak to me for nearly a year). They insisted it wouldn't last as he would eventually think of me as a cheater (leaving my husband to be with him) and wind up cheating on me; Trust would always be an issue. I didn't believe a word. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. Ten years later......he cheated we are now getting a divorce. I have been devastated, he was the love of my life. You are missing something, not nes. this "soul mate". Do yourself a favor and seek counseling before you make any life altering decisions.