Cousin "outed" me over the holidays, did she have the right?

Question

had a longer story but i wouldn't fit soooo…::

my eldest cousin (who's a lesbian herself) decided to tell my mom that I was a lesbian.

For two reasons 1: because she's out and she thinks everyone else should be. And 2: because I got and ipod, helio, digital cam, etc, etc, etc.....(everything I wanted for Christmas) and she was jealous so she wanted to do something to hurt me.

Now....my mom wouldn't care, but it's just that 1, if you're not ready...you’re not f_cking ready! 2, I'm bi...not gay. And 3, I've told my mom how my friend calls me a lesbian almost every day (because I like Otep) before and I told her that i wasn't interested in girls that way.

So....now she just assumes that my cousins and friends know something she doesn’t and that I'm just a bonafide lesbian =[.

Should i be pissed?

Answer 1

You have all the right to be pissed at your relative's insensetive behavior. Coming "out", whether you're lesbian or bi, is a deeply personal experience, and anyone who "rushes" a person is doing them a great disservice. Have a talk with your mom and explain who you are, and that you're bi. Bi and lesbian are completely different, since lesbianism indicates a gender preference. Bi means you have a low or nonexistant gender preference.

Answer 2

Oh you should be PO'ed, that's for sure. Apart from what's been said already (I enter my reponse quite late in the questions, sorry.), you should count your blessings that you have a tolerant mother that "doesn't care". Since you do , I would go to your mother and clarify that you're bi and not a lesbian, as there's a huge difference between the two. I'd also talk to her about your feelings regarding what your cousin did to you and any advice that she can give. The biggest thing I'd talk about as well is why you didn't come out sooner, because I know if I was a parent I'd be wondering the same thing. I would tak to your cousin as well, but don't let it become a shouting match otherwise it won't go anywhere. You're going to have to be firm and say that you were hurt by her outing you before you were ready and the jealousy behind her doing so. maybe give her an ultimatum of "If this pettiness occurs again, I'm not going to be your friend anymore. "

Hope this helps. :)

Answer 3

YES you should be pissed. The only time this gets even slightly grey area (as far as I'm concerned) is politicians actively working to take rights away from gay people, but then still going out and sleeping with them in the bars on weekends. In your situation, she was being at best a self-righteously invasive zealot, and at worst was working out of pure malice. As for how to deal with that, I don't know, but you have EVERY right to be pissed off.

Answer 4

Well, I'd be pissed if I weren't already out. But what she did was plain mean-spirited and you ought to tell her so. Just because she thinks everyone who's gay ought to be out of the closet doesn't mean she has the right to out you. In an ideal world we shouldn't have to worry about out or in. But it's not an ideal world and your coming out is an intensely personal and private issue which only you can determine. I'd slap her. Verbally. Let your cousin know she hurt you. Your Mom probably didn't think too much of your cousin's blabbing and won't think any less of you. My folks already knew I was queer even before I told them.

Answer 5

Check this out, I've been living like this for a long time. People think that I'm gay but no one have seen me in a bed with another man. So ain't nobody can say you are a lesbian if they have not seen you in a bed with another woman. DOn't worry about what people say, they are always going to talk regardless of your action so just keep in mind to remain in their comments. People only talk about important things if they talk about you is cause you are important. Take care of yourself and enjoy your life

Answer 6

I'd be pissed! The only person who should be outing you IS you.

And your cousin sounds really immature if she was using this as revenge for you getting everything you wanted for Christmas.

Talking with your mom might be a good idea, just so you can make sure she understands you on Your terms, not your cousin's.

As for your cousin... well I can be pretty mean sometimes so I won't tell you how to handle her.

Answer 7

Absolutely, anything to do with your personal life is your business, not anyone elses. Explain to your mom that you were going to tell her when you were ready and more adjusted to yourself, and wether you are Bi or a straight up lesbian , that is your choice to make, don't let anyone tell you different or try to make you ashamed, as for your cousin, I would definitely refrain from sharing any aspect of your personal life with her from now on!! Good luck honey!!

Answer 8

I think you have the right to be upset. She was disrespectful toward you. I suggest a private meeting with her to express your feelings and to explain how her actions have hurt you. She needs to understand that it was wrong for her to OUT you and why it was wrong.

I suggest to use good communication techniques to avoid coming across as angry and aggressive. You need to come across as assertive and voice clearly that you care for her as a person but did not appreciate her telling about your business.

I think it is also important to find out why she did what she did. She needs to know that from now on your relationship will be different because she broke the trust bond.

I suggest that you review what you have learned from this experience. You also need to define boundaries as far as what your relationship with your cousin will be in the future. Good Luck!
Liz

Answer 9

You have every right to be pissed at your cousin. Coming out is a personal choice to be made by you and you alone.

Answer 10

I have brown hair and my brother has blonde hair My dad has darkish brown hair and my mom is blonde. basically because you ended up with blonde hair and blue eyes does not recommend that you're mother and father are not your mother and father, it basically signifies that to procure some recessive features from both actual one of them. Wait until eventually you get in highschool and also you initiate studying Punnett squares and genetics. you'll see what I recommend. some features on your household can pass generations. My sister has pink hair and blue eyes, she were given it from our large grandmother. that's all genetics. yet once you're that fearful, recommend a DNA try, i'm confident you mother and father will love listening to that you doubt they don't seem to be you actual mother and father.