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I have been married for 2 years and dated my husband for a year but we known each other for 15 years.My marriage hasn't been in mint condition for the pass 3 months, my husband has cheated on me and wanted to leave but i begged him to stay. Now I'm tired of trying to make a marriage work, I love my husband but I'm not in love with him. The Ex-boyfriend is my 1st boyfriend ( i was 13 he was 15) and I still have feelings for him, he came back and still wants to be with me and he still loves me and is in love with me and i feel the same way despite me being married and unhappy which he pointed out without me having to tell him. HELP

2006-12-27 19:41:42 · 27 answers · asked by ANNICE 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

27 answers

Annice, when things get tough in a marriage it's very easy to want to find a better situation. And it's easy to see the "grass is always greener" side of the situation with another man, especially if you both have feelings for one another.

I agree with another post, Think back to what made you drop the earlier relationship, but then try to figure out what attracted you to your current husband.

It sounds like you are looking for that ZING to be back in your marriage and now after 2 years that giddy aspect of love has faded. That does fade, but the real love will last, that deep down commitment for each other.

So ask yourself this question. Is your current husband the type that can offer you this type of long-lasting commitment and long-lasting love? Can you offer him the same?

If not, then ask yourself the ultimate question here, would you really find a long lasting love with the original boyfriend, or when the ZING goes out of that relationship would anything really be there for that long -lasting commitment.

It is horrible that your husband had an affair and if he is working on eliminating those steps, and you continue with a relationship with a previous boyfriend, are you not doing the same thing to him? Two wrongs don't make a right.

So, think very carefully about what you may lose and what you may not gain. Because leaving one man for another man does not ensure the happiness you are seeking.

2006-12-27 19:55:21 · answer #1 · answered by Searcher 7 · 2 0

I feel that a marriage is a commitment. There is trouble in all marriages, and it's hard work to keep one together. There are no guarantees in relationships; but you owe it to the commitment you made (which was kind of a recommitment when you begged hubby to stay...) to try your best to work things out. If in the end you've exhausted all efforts and things don't work out, get the divorce before dating the ex-boyfriend. (I know, that doesn't fit with the "new morality" of the world anymore... but that's just people changing the rules trying not to feel guilty. )

Every effort should be made to work things out. If the ex-boyfriend cares soo much, he will understand if you need some time to see if you can work things out with hubby. In the meantime, you should not see the ex. Things will definietely not work out with hubby if you have the idea that the grass will be greener with the ex.

Another thing to consider... if you cheat on hubby (for whatever reasons...) how could the "ex" trust you in the future? He would always wonder in the back of his mind if you would cheat on him...

Good luck!

2006-12-27 19:53:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I think it should be better if your separated with your husband or better yet have your marriage annulled before you date another guy.

It's just the right thing to do because if you date this guy while your still married that is consider adultery and your husband can sue you on that ground. And it's just not good for a decent woman to have an affair while your married happy or not.

just like you didn't appreciate it when your husband cheated on you. don't go to his level divorce his *** and then your free to be whoever you want to be without having to feel guilty.

2006-12-27 19:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by binibining pilipina 5 · 0 0

if you're still married and you truly want to end your relationship to date an EX-boyfriend, think about the reason why he is your EX in the first place. Do you really want to put yourself in that situation again? if you really do, get a divorce and let your husband go. At least do it the right way.

2006-12-27 19:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by Asia_Unscripted 2 · 1 0

Tie up and finish up your marriage first before you go playing house with the old bf.
You need to be sure that this isn't a rebound relationship.
You can't count on an x bf rescuing you from the mess you are in. Make sure you aren't jumping from the fry pan to the broiler.

Be sure you have done all you can to save your marraiage. If it can't be saved,,,,,,,,,,then it is time for you to move on.

I hope all works well for you

2006-12-27 19:50:11 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0 0

do you really love your husband because if you do then you canot get back with your ex but if you dont then get a divorce first ,get your life together before rushing into another relationship because you could actually make the same mistake twice.How about your ex do you think the problem that led to the initial separation was dealt with so thereis no case of rebound?

2006-12-27 19:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by kakira 1 · 0 0

You could start with a divorce, since your husband cheats on you anyways. Then possibly get back with your ex, but remember, theres a reason why hes your ex.

2006-12-27 19:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0 0

If you're so tired of your marriage then why not get divorced first before jumping into another relationship? You might as well start with a clean slate.

2006-12-27 19:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0 0

hi. i believe you still love your husband if not you wouldn't stuck in this dilemma. i think you should focus on your marriage and make it work out since you alr trying dont give up. between you and your ex bf might be just a crush or because you and your husband marriage is not very good and make you wan to let someone pamper you and love you during this down period. i really hope your marriage work out! Take care~

2006-12-27 19:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by star_dust 1 · 0 1

As much as i dissaprove of divorce, i almost think you should. Either do that or totally break off your relationship with your freind. It will not help your bad marriage. Marriage is meant to keep 2 people faithful to eachother, so being with another guy is only going to worsen matters.

2006-12-27 19:46:19 · answer #10 · answered by shellybelly 2 · 1 0

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