and im the only person that knows. i dont want to call the police and i dont really want to be invovled buts its my best friend and she has 2 small children ive told her my thoughts its not right not going to get better she knows all this but wont leave. my only help is i told her to call and i will come get her if not her the kids. i feel like theres something more i should do but dont want her husband to know i know becuase it will be harder for her. any ideas?
2006-12-27 18:16:49 · 13 answers · asked by mandrin4200 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
*** i've been her...except that i didn't have a friend who knew. i don't know how much help it would've been knowing i could call u...i had him rip the phone out of the wall on more than one occasion. heck, i'm trying to put myself in her spot right now to think what else u could really do. honestly, i don't think there IS much u can do. she'll leave when she's ready, but I don't think u can make her do it. u know what WOULD"VE helped me tho' to leave sooner. if someone had showed me how i could get out and kept assuring me that i could make it on my own. heck, i was a high school drop out and i didn't know if i COULD make it on my own. know what tho? i ended up taking my lil girl, going back to school, i got scholarships, and hired right out of school into a managerial job in a bank. i never needed him...just wish i'd have known that sooner! let her know she can do it too!
*** quick blue below me here is sooooooo right! I can remember when i went to actually leave...that's when i realized how small my ex really was! it was so cool realizing how small and pathetic he really was. just wished i would've realized it sooner. I lost 17 yrs of my life staying w/ that loser!
2006-12-27 18:24:35 · answer #1 · answered by meme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your reasons for worrying about your own involvement and is understandable, but you may be the only source of help that your friend has right now and will ever get. She needs your support more than anything, so please don't turn your back on her. A woman stuck in an abusive relationship sees no escape due to fear of retaliation and further harm to herself and the safety of her children. There are many reasons that she can't just pick up and leave. Until you're in that predicament, you won't realize how frightenening it is for these women. It's not that they don't think they have a choice or want to get out. It's always easier said than done. She must find the strength within herself to make that bold, but important step. There are women shelters and organizations for abused women. She must look into this and find a place first. You can assist her in this task. These organizations will guide her in the transition. She must be discreet about her plans. In no way should she stay a minute longer in this type of relationship. Her life is at stake and the welfare of her children as well.
2006-12-27 18:28:49 · answer #2 · answered by artutina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having been in this situation - she has to decide to leave. Just support her, and let her know you are there for her. Until she decides to leave interfering wont help and she may end up not being 'allowed' to talk to you anymore. Its so hard to see things when you are 'in' the situation - a holiday with you & the kids away for a few days may help her see things more clearly - if that would be possible.
2006-12-27 18:22:30 · answer #3 · answered by Carrie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on the outside he is a big man u say! in the inside from what u told us, he is the smallest pussy ever! for a guy to be abusive to a girl is no stronger, better nor is worthy of calling him self a man! if he is abusing her and u know do something! its her life that is now in ur hands. u dont want him to know that u know, well i think that is selfish of u. cause she told u this, that only means she wants u to help her! so stop wondering if u should or shouldnt help her and do it! sorry im so forward about this but i hate guys that beat girls and think they can get away with it! damn it call me and ill beat his *** for u! so stop reading this and do somthing! best of luck and save a life!
2006-12-27 18:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by quikblue11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has to want the help, she has to agree with u, and stop settling for less. can't really help someone who doesn't want your help, can't interfere where your not wanted. if she won't leave obviously she isn't interested in a better life, so maybe u need to distance yourself from her, and only help her if she asks u. as all this could backfire on u and u could end up being the bad guy. if she doesn't have enough sense to know when she is being hurt, than she will never get angry enough to do anything about it.
2006-12-28 02:57:42 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation and she needs to leave for the kids sake or she can lose them!!! CSD will get involved if anything happens and they will point the blame to her for not protecting those kids even if the abuse only happens to her...the community will frown on her for not getting the kids into a better environment...you need to get her into a domestic violence shelter asap or she could lose everything...her life and her kids...
2006-12-27 18:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her if she doesn't want to leave for herself to leave for the sake of her children. The children do not deserve to have to live with abuse around them even if it isn't directed at them.
2006-12-27 18:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by lola15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shoot the freakin bastard. ANYONE who is abusive to their children or spouse should be punished with death! I know its a little extreme, but that is just how i feel. My mom was in the same position and I don't approve of anyone comitting such violence!
2006-12-27 18:20:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
try and get your friend to got to some counselling, she is stuck in a bad cycle and thinks things will get better in time when in fact they never do...hope this helps
2006-12-27 18:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you care about her and the children, you report it. period. seriously. she might get mad, but she will understand later. the kids do not deserve to go through hell. (think about when you were little, how would that have affected you?)
2006-12-27 18:50:12 · answer #10 · answered by *never give up* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋