Seperated from my husband , but pregnant by someone else?

Question

After 7 years of marriage and two kids later I decided to leave my husband. We've been seperated for about 3months. He was a liar and a cheater. I found a woman pay stub in our bedroom once with weed residue on it. another time some female called the house for him. We got into arguments and it got violent all the time. He even locked me out of the house and when i tried to come back in he put knife up to my throat. He's threatened to kill me. said he wanted to chop my head off and bury my body. he told the neighbors he poisoned the koolaid. I'm not innocent. I acted and treated hime like a woman who doesn't trust her man. i was a b@atch. but it was because of all he put me through. After I left i sought the comfort of another man that i had known for 3yrs. Well, we did our "thang" and now i'm pregnant by him!!! I could just die. i don't believe in killing an innocent life just because i was stupid and wreckless. i feel so hopeless. this is out of my character. i'm a stranger to myself

Answer 1

First off your life is not over!

Secondly... you should have waited... one man can not heal another's damages.. But what is done is done!

Thirdly... After your description of your husband... you should be doing more than being separated... you need to divorce him..

The reason why we have so much divorce is because our children are viewing dysfunctional marraiges... The best gift us parents can give our kids is the example of a wonderful and healthy home life.

Now once you are divorce.. you take care of your body and that baby inside you.. you will raise all your children well and work hard and smart to make your family happen.. Do not include any men in your life right now.
Pray for peace of mind and for direction and wisdom..

Regain your self respect and remember that God did not put you on this planet to be trampled on.. He loves you and loves the fact that you are a women who will not lose a child for the sake of your weaknes..

Be strong and show your children how life is to be lived!

God Bless you.. I will pray for you tonight..

Answer 2

You need to leave your husband and get away from this violent and destructive relationship. Like you said the child is not to blame.

You are separated and should stay that way. By your own admission the father is someone you have known 3 years. Give him the option of raising the child or give the child up for adoption. Your marriage is over. You didn't act like a bi'atch... you acted like a woman who had been betrayed and could not trust her abusive partner.

Leave him, the situation and raise your children in a more positive environment. Both you and they deserve more. Any man that would put a knife to your neck is a very dangerous and unstable jealous man. You need to get as far from him as you can.

I hope you look for help and you leave. It is the best thing for you and for the children, including the unborn innocent that needs a mom who will love him. There are so many childless people begging for babies that are healthy. This is your chance to have something good come out of all this bad. Good Luck. I truly wish you and your children well.

Answer 3

The choice whether or not to end a life is very complicated. You have to think about not only the "moral" beliefs you hold, but the life you can give this child AFTER it is born. Let's face it-- 9 months is a brief time vs. the rest of a person's life! Parenthood is forever, not just a little while. Even if you choose to give the baby up for adoption, it is still a life you brought into being, and you will think of that child often.

It sounds like you have a lot to sort through. Seek the help of someone who is trained to help you deal with the choice you need to make. Be wary of those places that claim to be unbiased, that pretend to support ALL choices open to you. Is there a Planned Parenthood in your area? They can discuss the choices with you and give you help with finding resources for whatever option you choose.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

1. Your "husband" is an abusive person and your reaction to it is completely normal. Anyone would want to remove themselves from this situation and seek comfort.
2. You have a pregnancy where you can chose the best road based on your beliefs. Make this choice and then plan around it.
3. Don't go back to a person who cheats, uses drugs, is violent and threatens you ever. Especially if you chose to have this child. If you make this choice without a child is one thing. When you make this choice with a child YOU are making the decision for the child and the child may get hurt and that will be your fault.
4. Seek assistance if you are unable to break away on your own. You have resources.
5. Give yourself a break: hang out with good friends, talk with people who understand your situation, find what you want to do in life and work to do it.
6. Have faith in yourself!

Answer 5

Hi. I am sincerely sorry for what befell on you. The threats from the man you love are more disturbing. You were very vulnerable when you sought comfort from another man. And thats how you got yourself pregnant. Please do not run away from yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. And from these mistakes we learn a great deal. It could not have happened, I am sure, if circumstances were different. Thats why I have the courage to tell you to give life to the poor little thing. Do not kill. Am happy your conscience cannot allow you to. Remember you are a wonderful person. You are not stupid and wreckless. You are a great woman and a mother of two beautiful kids and you will get another gorgeous one, soon. Please do take care of them regardless of whether you will have a man in your life or not. They are a source of joy to you, the reason you must be proud of yourself.

Answer 6

Well first of all, you should have left your husband a long time ago with your children if he put a knife to your throat and said that he wanted to kill you. A man like that has problems and your children do not need to be around a person like that. He has a mental problem if he thinks that it is okay for him to take away his children's mother.

As for being pregnant....I'm sorry to say, but you did it to yourself. If you did the deed with-out any precautions, then you have to accept what might happen. In your case you got pregnant, but who's to say that it is a bad thing. If this guy is a great guy and he accepts your children, then what is the problem? Does he not want the child? Does he even know that you are pregnant? This child may be a blessing in disguise.

I, myself have two girls and I would not be able to give up a child if I got pregnant again. I do not want to have anymore children, but I would accept it with love. If you do not want to have this child, then you might consider adoption. You are the only one that knows what you are capable of handling. Unfortunately this may be a hard decision for you to make, but you know what is best for your self and your children. Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers!! ;)

Answer 7

Not sure what the question here is.

It sound like you made a mistake of flying to the arms of the first man that was decent to you after being traumatized by your ex, so first of all, stop beating yourself up.

It obviously sounds like you do not want this child, but an abortion is only likely to make you feel worse than you already do. If you check the Yellow Pages in your phone book there is likely to be a church or charity that will offer free pregancy counseling services to help you sort things out (but they will be slanted toward adoption).

It sounds like the ex need to be made a permanent ex and the sooner the better. Even if you were a total witch throughout the marriage, it is not normal or appropriate to threaten to kill someone and chop their head off..ever. As the has a tendancy towards violence, you may need to relocate.

Answer 8

wow,
I can really empathize with your situation. I loved it that you did not place all of the blame on him.
what is done is done but now you MUST think of what you are going to do now....
what does NEW dad think of all of this?
Is there a relationship with him or was it more of a casual thing? DO YOUR KIDS LIKE THE NEW GUY?
If he is in agreement, maybe you could put the child up for adoption, if you were planning to try to make things work with you husband.
Do either of these men know you are pregnant.
ALso
in certain states, you cannot DIVORCE while you are pregnant,
furthermore,
if you have a child while you are married, the law says it is the HUSBAND's child.
YOu might consider leaving for awhile as husband sounds like the type to try to kill you at the thought of having to support another man's child.
Hang in there
YOu sound like a smart lady who made a few understandable choices out of hurt and fear.
IT will all work out

Answer 9

Girl, Iam so glad you got out of that violent situation, that was not good for anyone. You know just pray and ask for forgiveness, so he can give you the strength to be able to carry this baby full term and stress free because that is what you need right now. We all do thing out of character at one time or another, so pick your head up and move on, think about the baby now and be safe...
Good Luck

Answer 10

well you are definitely up the creek. If abortion is not an option, then look around if you want to give up the kid when it is born. Decisions, decisions, and hard ones at that. Of course, if you decide to keep it, then tell the schmoe who got you pregnant where is the alimony. As for your husband, if a man tells you what you said he did, you better watch it. Your days will be numbered, especially as he may go psycho when he finds you are pregnant by someone else.