If I lower my expectations of family, friends and all of mankind..would I be less disappointed in people and.?

Question

depressed in life? Do I expect too much kindness..if I expected less..would I stop being so bitter? How do you lower your expectations?

Answer 1

Sorry but it doesn't work that way. You have to be able to let go of the disappointments and not dwell on them. Set backs in life can actually be good for you in the long run. Though it may suck at the moment, you learn from it, move on, and become a stronger and wiser person. Or you let it get you down and you dwell on it and become a withdrawn & bitter person.

My life went to hell in a bucket about 5 years ago. I mean it really sucked. My whole world came apart. I was pretty bitter for a while about some of the events but I got over it and am building a new life that I'm much happier with than I ever was with my past one. The adversity showed me who my true friends are and also made me realize that I can build something better from the ashes of what I had thought was the end of my world.
In the space of one year I lost my job and then the physical ablility to do a lot of the things I loved along with the ability to do many kinds of work that I'd spent a lifetime learning. To top it all off I got drunk one night because I was so depressed about the other stuff and landed in jail for DUI. That was the final straw. It was like adding insult to injury or so I thought. I was turning into a miserable bitter person. I finally got pissed off at myself and realized that it wasn't the end but the start of a new beggining. Now I almost want to thank some of the people responsible for their part in my fall even though I still don't and never will again like them. The physical part, though it is a hinderence, made me have to look at the world a bit differently and gave me more empathy for those worse off than myself.
I'm now a mostly happy camper doing something that I'd always thought of as a fun hobby and making a reasonable living at it! :o) I know who my real friends are and things are getting brighter every day!

Answer 2

Actually, I've read a bit about expectations in REBT and spiritual books. It made sense to me. Lowering expectations, per se, doesn't necessarily make one less disappointed, but GETTING RID of expectations does. An expectation is, essentially, an irrational demand you create within your psyche that causes you to feel unfulfillment unless it is met. Thus, what you're saying is "anything that meets the expectation makes me satisfied. Anything that falls below it disappoints me."
To erase that feeling of disappointed, you need to not LOWER your expectations but REPLACE them with a more rational, flexible feeling: preference. A preference states "I can be satisfied if my preference is not met, but if it is met, I feel HAPPY." So rather than say "I expect kindness from people." you say "I prefer that people treat me kindly." Then, if they don't, you are still telling yourself that it's okay, and you have no cause for disappointment.

Answer 3

You don't ever have to lower your expectations in order to not get hurt. When you lower your expectations and trust, you become drawn in and the kind of depressed person you're trying to stop yourself from being. You can never fully stop believing and wanting to trust in people. It's human nature. You are going to get hurt, but if you try your best to move on and not to worry about trivial things, you'll win in the end. So, don't lower your expectations, but don't cling to things that just need to be let go. You'll get what you want / need in the end. Just believe in the powers of yourself.

From,
A friend.

Answer 4

Do you expect your friends and family to meet your ligitimate needs or your illigitimate needs?

Expecting them to meet legit needs is a-ok. For example: you should be able to count on your friends to listen to you, if you listen to them.

You should not expect them to meet illigitimate needs though. For example: it is too much to expect friends and family to drop everything for you and meet all of your emotional and physical needs.

You should never have to "lower" your expectations. If you are expecting them to meet illigitimate needs, you should raise your own self-awareness, self-reliability, and self-esteem which will take care of the problem. If they are not meeting your legitimate needs confront them at the moment you feel disapointed. Let them know how you feel.

Example: I felt hurt when you didn't show up for our dinner date. Can you please call me at least a day in advance the next time you can't make it?

If you make decent requests of them and they don't step up to the plate its time to get new friends or just accept the fact that some people are not going to be there for you and throw the ones like that into one category and proceed with them with caution because they may continue to let you down!

Answer 5

i've got not got many expectancies, possibly none. I even have hopes, objectives, and plans, yet they are issues I even have some (if in basic terms a splash) administration over. One has NO administration over expectancies, so i've got exceptionally lots written them off. That way i will in basic terms disappoint myself.

Answer 6

realize they do not exist to make you happy - that helps in lowering expectations. It helps a lot, though it kind of stings at first....

Answer 7

u have been chosen to say that it will now manifest for u
i is hard to offer to help other people be strong but in the end it will be these few people that understand the rewards you offer

Answer 8

Smoke a little weed and go with the flow.......