I love my wife but I cant stop thinking about her lover.?

Question

I feel so small and alone. I feel so ugly and small like I dont matter. I feel like she is just playing me. She refuses to leave me but also refuses to stop being with him and stop communicating with him I dont know what to do. I want to just gather my personal belongings and leave and never be seen again. I am an idiot and I didnt see what was blaringly obvious to everyone else. I have never contemplated suicide before now ( dont worry, I openly admit I dont have the guts to do it myself) but I have never felt so alone and betrayed by everyone that I thought was my friends. I cant figure out what I did wrong and she wont tell me, I desperatly want to change whatever it is but I just dont know. I always remembered b-days, anniversaries, I told her she was beautiful, I respected her and I gave her space to be herself. I never thought she would go behind my back like this and its really hurting me. I have no self-esteem left, I feel ugly and unimportant.

Answer 1

Get your own lover .

Answer 2

You know people do fall in love and there's got to be something wrong with the marriage if she's doing this. She loves her husband and she loves you no doubt about it and she is in a bigger situation then you are she's married your not and it's easy for you to say leave him but in reality it'll be a big mess both sides of the family will be affected by it even though she has a mind of her own and is an adult but for some reason family gets involve a little to much an make things harder but they all mean well.Does her husband suspect anything?because the worst thing about it is if she gets caught she looses in allot. Take care of her and don't let her get busted if you love her you would. I don't encourage this in any way but let's face it you know way deep inside you want her to get caught to jump right into your arms but that's not a smart thing to do. Let her come up with a decision but never push her I'm sure you love her and that's the scary thing about it because there's always one getting hurt at the end. But what can you do if the feelings are strong and so real. I would tell you to meet other women but you have your mind and heart set on her, I can tell you to forget the whole thing and let her live her life with her husband but because the feelings are so strong you would need therapy and so would she. this is scary did she tell you she was married from the very beginning? cause if she did then you know what your were getting yourself into. She might be feeling the worst and paralyzed by the whole thing give her a break but if you do she might even go through a slight depression if she don't hear from you. There has been cases where women prefer their lovers over their husbands but because they were so scared to leave their husbands they go into depression and can't focus clearly. It's bad and You need to really talk with her to see what she wants because she can't be doing this to her husband either and both come with a conclusion and leave it at that. It's either her feeling's in the line or making every one else happy It's really her call. you guy's did move quick into this it's only been three mon. and the feelings are deep Wow You guy's tried breaking it off and it didn't work. you know it can also be a inf-actuation that's thrilling her to know it's with someone different can be a challenge for her.She might just like the excitement and not so much the relationship. time will tell but it wont be comfortable. But in the mean time you got to go out and meet other women and get to know them give them a try and maybe you see what's really in side your heart. What she might be feeling is lust and not love and it may be a bit challenging for you as well to know there's some one else think about it. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am so sorry you are going through such pain, I can feel your pain reading this. I'm so sorry. Keep in mind this is life and people change and we will never understand because we trust and love others so much and can't understand how and why. This in not a marraige anymore, it is gone this is not how it is suppose to be, it may take more time, but find the strength and get out. Its all in your mind, I know you heard, your mind is a powerful thing. You only have one life to live and I know this is not how you want it. When you are ready find someone to love again and that loves you back, its a beautiful thing and we all deserve that nothing less. I know this is your wife and their is alot invested but this is life you and so many people around you are going through the same thing so you are not alone. Their is someone out their for you who wants that passion you have and who wants to give back to you I promise. She has change and she is not the same person you married, be strong and don't let this stranger hurt you any longer,

Answer 4

I'm so sorry that a wonderful man such as yourself deserves to be tossed out like a ragged doll. You seem aware of the fact that the relationship is failing. The problem is to leave. You can't make a marriage work by yourself. It's apparent that your wife does not want to stop seeing this lover of hers. It's a complete disrespect to you.

Do you want to be with someone who don't want to be in this marriage? Additionally, do you want to be with someone who makes you feel small and ugly? I always believe that a successful relationship entails two people who brings out the best in each other.

It seems that you are blaming yourself for being in denial and putting yourself down for being undesirable.You have to give back to yourself what was loss in the marriage and that is your self esteem and identity. Remember that sometimes it doesn't matter if you gave 200% to a person because if they don't appreciate it to begin with, it really is fruitless effort. I know because I was there.

Please leave and salvage your dignity. You deserve better than this. It is better to be single and alone than being in a bad marriage and feeling alone.

Answer 5

I know it's hard for you to swallow right now. But if she refused to leave you, then she still loves you. If she couldn't tell you why, she was confused herself and didn't want to confuse you.
Try to remember has there ever been a time when she tried to talk but you didn't listen, maybe too busy or for some other reason. This could also be why you missed the signs (yes there must be signs. Because all those times you spent together, you are the one who know her best or at least a part of her)
Is it possible for you to gather yourself and talk to the other guy or friends? Whatever is upsetting your wife, it is more likely she tells him because she can't and doesn't tell you. If you know what is wrong, it will help to figure out the next step.
No, you are as important as everybody else and you have the right to know what is wrong so that you can fix it or do what you need to do next. I feel that you still have the chance to get her back because she doesn't want to leave you. Keep trying to find out what is wrong, who knows it may not be you? Then if you want to leave, you know you can and free to do so. But if it's your fault then it's your decision to fix it or not.
I know someone who was in your wife's position and she told me what was wrong instead of her spouse. He came to me to find out but I didn't tell him since I promised his wife to keep it secret. He found out from another friend of ours. Until now I felt bad for not telling him what he needed to know.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. You need to leave for your own sake. If she refuses to stop being with the other man, she doesn't really love you. She is just using you for security and you're allowing her to do that because you love her. She doesn't deserve you.

As hard as it is to give up on your relationship and your love, save yourself. Even if your wife ends this affair, she'll probably just have others. She obviously has no regard for you or your feelings whatsoever.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

First off, you need to seek help immediately. If you have insurance, call them, and find out what you need to do to see a counselor. Thru there you will seek tools to do what needs to be done.
If she wont see a marriage counselor, leave her, but make sure you take ur dignity with you.
Ask yourself why you are staying.
If you don't have insurance, call the local mental health services in the social services pages. They have fee for service. If you need help, reach out, there are a lot of good support groups online!!

Answer 8

1. Grow some b@lls

2. Empty the bank account and cancel her credit cards

3. Change the locks on the door.

4. Throw all her crap out on the sidewalk

5. Call a divorce lawyer

Answer 9

It has nothing to do with you...she is ovviously too selfish and immature to be in a healthy relationship. I know you don't want to, but the best thing to do IS leave. Trust me, because when you do, that's when you will find someone who is worth all of your love and who will give it all back to you like you deserve. You have to think, that if she truly loved you, she would not have cheated on you and would have ended the affair by now. I think you need to move on and find comfort in family.

Answer 10

It is understandable that you might feel this way. However, it sounds to me like your wife is the one who should be feeling bad, not you. If she won't stop seeing her lover, then it sounds like you would be better off moving on. No one should have to sit by and watch the one they love disrespecting them like this. Ultimately it is your decision, but it sounds to me like you will never be happy while she is still with her lover. It sounds like things could only be better if you left and found someone who does respect you.

Answer 11

You are important.She is making you feel this way.I dont like her & dont even know her.She is so wrong.Leave her.There is someone better for you out there.She wants her cake & eat it too.Its not fair.Dont let her take you down any more.Get a backbone.Get seperated & start seeing other women.Or at least just be done with her.