How can I SAVE MY FRIEND'S LIFE??

Question

He has been basically homeless for the last 5 years at least. I put him up in my garage for 6 months 2 years ago. He's now back in town and still needs a place to stay. He can stay at the shelter most nights but I think he is on his last legs. He's about 40 I think and is very smart and from a rich family that fell apart, and is an alcoholic. He has been drinking less lately though. How can I steer hinm in the right direction to save his life.

Answer 1

put him in some habitation... means in some boarding like place where they help people to leave alcohol and give them some job or teach them how to leave their life.

Answer 2

It's really hard to help homeless people, because there are so many issues to address it's hard to pick a place to start. Honestly? I would start with the alcohol addiction. If you can get him into a detox program that will send him to a rehab center right after detox he will have a chance at staying sober longer. That will put the problem that prevents him from getting help for everything else on hold for a while at least. Keep in mind that you may not be able to help him do this. He has to want the help and he might not be at a point where he wants help with his addiction.

Then he needs a place to go after rehab. In NYC the deal is that if a homeless person shows up to the shelter a certain amount of times within a certain time period they qualify for housing services. I know from experience that homeless people generally don't like following that rule because first of all shelters are not comfortable places to stay and also shelters have a curfew and people with addiction problems don't exactly focus on the time.

But no matter how he feels about the shelter the people who run the shelter will know which agencies he can turn to for help. They can put him in touch with social workers who know how to get him hooked up with services to start turning his life around.

I think the fact that he has a friend who cares about him will help a lot. Because he probably does not get treated like a human being for most of the day. You hopefully remind him that he is human and deserves better than this. But please remember that you cannot save him. He has to save himself. What you can do is provide him with a lot of options so he can choose the help he wants.

Answer 3

I feel for the position you are in. I have been there too. Here are a couple of things I learned along the way that might help you: 1 - you can only change yourself, and no one else. In other words, he has to change himself if he wants to change, you can't do it for him. 2 - You can't take ownership of his problem. It really is his problem, not yours. As cold as that sounds, please remember that "owning" his problem means that you take his progress or lack of it personally, like your own failures... and this is not good for you either.

All that said though, depending on where you live, there are often hostels and support groups and social programs through Salvation Army, YMCA or even Social Services. Gather info and check it out. Sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling, be completely honest about your concerns. Give him some or all of the info. Do it all in a non-accusing way, if you can. Recommend that he start AA and/or seek counselling. Sometimes a person who has sunk so low has a hard time believing they will ever climb out again. Just be a friend, but you really have to allow him to make the right moves himself.

Answer 4

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
...
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
...
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
...
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Answer 5

Ditto this




My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He drinks more than anyone I ever met at anytime in my life. He is insulting, demeaning, rude and self serving when he drinks. He doesnt care about anyone other than his own self and is not afraid to voice his right to be a drunk, and if I dont like it, I am supposed to get out of his house. Its his home and he has the right to drink to near death in it.
He has been in critical care in a coma for weeks over his love of alcohol. He has been thru 2 divorces and has 5 kids who have nothing more to do with him unless he is giving them money. He could be so much more and have so much more than he does, but he has given it all away because he is committed to alcohol.
Your friend is homeless out of a choice he has made to be a drunk. You cannot save him. He has to want to do it for himself. He has to realize he needs help and by offering him a place to live even if it is under your front porch, you are enabling him to be what he is, and that is an alchoholic. Live your own life and set your own rules in your home. If he is not willing to live by your rules, boot him to the curb and turn away. Its not worth it.

Answer 6

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He drinks more than anyone I ever met at anytime in my life. He is insulting, demeaning, rude and self serving when he drinks. He doesnt care about anyone other than his own self and is not afraid to voice his right to be a drunk, and if I dont like it, I am supposed to get out of his house. Its his home and he has the right to drink to near death in it.
He has been in critical care in a coma for weeks over his love of alcohol. He has been thru 2 divorces and has 5 kids who have nothing more to do with him unless he is giving them money. He could be so much more and have so much more than he does, but he has given it all away because he is committed to alcohol.
Your friend is homeless out of a choice he has made to be a drunk. You cannot save him. He has to want to do it for himself. He has to realize he needs help and by offering him a place to live even if it is under your front porch, you are enabling him to be what he is, and that is an alchoholic. Live your own life and set your own rules in your home. If he is not willing to live by your rules, boot him to the curb and turn away. Its not worth it.
Source: Me

Answer 7

Try to find a person who really believes in God, try a church pastor/minister or friend of yours or someone you know who is willing to help him. God saves people when people can't, but you can certainly push your friend in the right direction. I so hope and pray that your friend will seek God because it will change his life forever no doubt about it. Maybe all the christian people on here that reads this will pray for him too.

Answer 8

well, if your friend is well educated and is "very smart", he should be able to find his own shelter without your help. Moreover if you help him every time he'll feel discouraged and may not try to stand in his own feet. To be truthful, by helping him you are making him feel useless. Don't do that!! As a friend, encourage him to take on his life. Encourage him by giving examles that one should be self-motivated rather than being emancipated.

Answer 9

Go to a good church. Get him in church and go with him to support him. The church will help guide his life in the right direction and can also help with housing, food, clothing, etc. God is the only one who can save your friends life. Lead him to a place where he can find God and he will be well on his way to a new and prosperous life.

Answer 10

DO you know that whole saying about giving a man a fish and teaching him to fish? Bea real friend and TEACH HIM TO FISH but under no circumstances should you GIVE him the fish ever again...