I allowed my friend to stay with me. Bad decision?

Question

I'm a single mom of 1, living in a large studio, looking for a job, don't have much $ and the child's father is behind on payments.
I've allowed a friend to stay with me til she finds a place.

She moved out of her sister's house b/c they didn't get along and her brothers kicked her out of their apartment. Her parents live far away.
How long should I let her stay (it's been 2 1/2 wks)? Should she pay me something? She said she would give me $50 a wk (the same she gave her sister & brothers) but she hasn't given me $ for this wk. My rent is $600 a mth. She buys her own food that she doesn't like to share. She comes home in the evenings cause she works.

The positive side of her staying with me is that I have someone to talk to & she watched my child a few times.

Still, when I was going through a really difficult time, she didn't bother to contact me until a yr later (when she needed housing). This girl knows many people & has many friends. I don't know why she came to me.

Answer 1

A friend is a friend indeed.

Answer 2

Been there, done that, believe me. (Only I was the one working.)

From the experience I had, here's what I recommend: Tell her you need the money for her "rent" on a certain day of each week or on the day she gets paid (if she gets paid every two weeks or once a month). Fifty dollars a week is not much and very reasonable since she is your friend. Don't charge her any more than fifty a week.

It doesn't sound like she is a slob, so that is good. (Believe me, you would not want my temporary roommate around.)

A VERY IMPORTANT POINT here: Don't expect your now live in friend to be everything to you. She is your roommate but also a friend who did not support you in the past when you were going through a bad time -- it sounds like she doesn't want to be that sort of friend, so don't force her. She is COMPANY though and that is something you need in your life it sounds like, besides the money she is bringing in to the home. Don't bring up your past hurts (about her) while she is there. She's gone through a lot by being kicked out of these other two homes and she does not need the aggrevation right now.

The food thing? Roommates are often like that. She is just trying to hold onto some semblance of independence while she is living under your roof. Respect her things, including her food. Do not touch her food, soda pop, or anything consumable.

The money is your main concern right now. Ask her for it but don't bring up anything else. Believe me, she sounds like a lot better temporary roommate that the character I had in my house for about a month.

Be a roommate to her but don't play the mother, older sister who is better off role: it won't work and will hurt her feelings and ruin your friendship. Keep everything very professional, reasonable, and friendly. Think of how your friendship will be long after she leaves.

You just have to get to know one another better. Friends are often surprised at how little they actually know each other until they go on trips together or become (like you two) temporary roommates. Good luck. I am praying for you.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are already questioning your own decision in letting her back into your life and your home. Sounds like she needs to be moving on.The fact she hasn't given you any money for rent and won't even share her food makes her sound like a selfish user. Let another of her many friends have the pleasure of her company. She is the one with the problem not you. Put yourself and your child first. A studio for three doesn't sound like a fun or healthy lifestyle. If she is really your friend she will leave but still stay in touch. If she doesn't stay in touch her motives will be very clear to you. Give her a week to make other arrangements.

Answer 4

If she keeps paying you, then it sounds like MAYBE the situation will work. It provides companionship for you.

As to why she came to you...maybe you were, say, tenth down the line for her and everyone else said 'no.' If she can't live with her sibs or parents, and has lots of other friends that she is not living with, then I'd say that is sort of a red flag. If something is not wrong yet, I'd bet that something is just around the corner, and it is most likely going to be a money issue.

Maybe the reason she did not contact you when you were going through a hard time is because you two are not that close, and maybe she thought you had other friends who were closer to you than she was that were meeting your needs.

Answer 5

It is always a no, no to let people live with you and very hard to get rid of them once they move in. It may be necessary to evict this individual, which means going to court and could be very expensive for you, i.e. court costs, etc.

A signed contract should have been written up and agreed to by the both of you prior to them moving in and that can certainly be held up in a court of law.

You already have your hands full with your not working, late child support payments, etc. doesn't make a whole lot of sense to take on extra people who do not help to pay your rent, at least half of it.

You can obviously do bad on your own.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

she obviously came because you said yes. if i were you, i'd sit her down and tell her why you like having her there, but you really need the money you discussed. you can try to guilt her with "i'm unemployed and the money would really help me right now. i know we are both in tough times, so lets help each other out." if she STILL doesn't pay up by the agreed time (or you are tired of her), simply say that you aren't as good at sharing your space as you thought, and give her 2 weeks to be a good friend. (maybe there's a reason her familiy kicked her out). then again, you could just pile her stuff at the front door....

Answer 7

She might have come to you because she knows your a good person, and you would be there for her. Be careful though, these kind of situations usually result in the friend taking advantage of the one letting her stay there. I be making sure she's looking for another house. If you want her to stay though, just keep in mind what she has taken from you and what she's given back. Otherwise, the friendship could end in a mess.

Answer 8

well i think you should ask her to pay you some amount for staying over with you specially since its now over 2 weeks and you are obviously going through a difficult time wit money.

And also since she is being kinda selfish and all you also must think abut your own betterment of life and not for ways in which you can make her life better. Afterall you are doin a very big favour for her arent you? so just tink abut it n do watevr you tink is gud 4 u.

Answer 9

tell her you are struggling to make ends meet and if she will work with you, share her food and help with the rent it will work, if she can't share her food that is why she has not lasted at the other places. You are a good hearted girl and that is nice, but I used to be like you and let me tell you looking back I should have layed down some guidelines because I was USED.

Answer 10

i dont think letting her stay in ur house is a bad decision.... as long as u or ur child has no problems with her i think you should let her stay.... but once she start's causing problems let her know that she is being a problem or tell her pls i dont like that dont do that again if she keeps doing it again just ask her to find a different place to leave..... She cant do anything about that....coz it is ur house or apartment she has no rite to leave there if u dont want her in there.....

Answer 11

She came to you because she has used all of her friends and worn out her welcome. It isn't easy, but you'll have to set a clear expectation of payment and a date, drop dead date that she has to be out of there. If you don't do that, she won't pay you while she's there and she won't leave until you have a big fight.