up smoking pot. He has not wanted me to work for some time. I work two days a week every other week. I have had enough he was drunk on Christmas when we had family here and had to keep running to go get high. He even let his son drink here. I blew up. This man is 47 years old and he acts like he is 16. He goes to work and performs his job. He just can not be a father or a husband. He goes out every free moment he has from work. He dose not do one thing around the house. With the house or car and truck. He has two boys they are 16 & 18 he dose not spend any real time with them. I have a daughter she is 22 and pregnant and she said she will not come here again after the baby is born. She said she just won't take the risk. I can't blame her. I just don't know how things have gotten so bad. I can not stand living this way I feel all alone. I have asked him to go get counseling for himself and us. He said he has no problem. I don’t fit into his plan in life. I don’t want to spend every night in the bar. I am waiting for my daughter to have the baby and then I plan on getting two jobs and get out of here. Am I wrong to do this? I just can’t take it anymore. Someone please help me what should I do?
2006-12-27 16:28:39 · 23 answers · asked by Kristine B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My daughter lives in NY with her boyfriend. I live in PA. My daughter dose not want to take the chance of loosing her child while she is here because of his drug use and him involving all of us with him serving his oldest son drinks.My daughters boyfriend all so feels the same way he is fed up.
2006-12-27 16:47:58 · update #1
When a man prefers to be drunk on Christmas day rather than spending time with the family on Christmas day and says that he does not have a problem...... It means that he is in "DENIAL" and it will get a lot WORSE b4 it gets any better. I do not think that you are in the wrong in any way. You have to do what is best for you. You won't be able to see your grandchild as long as you are living with this guy. He does not want you to work because he is a "CONTROL FREAK". He knows that if you get a good job you can save some money and get away from the crap that he is putting you through. Go for it woman. Save money and get to where you need to be in life.
2006-12-27 16:41:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave. He's drinking and smoking pot, so chances are it won't be long before he becomes physically abusive, on top of the mental abuse he's inflictng on you right now. Call your local mental health center, and ask if there is a women's shelter in the area, or if you have relatives you can move in with, do that. He won't go to counseling, so he's not willing to change. You need counseling to help you deal with what he's put you through, and you can get it free of charge at the mental health clinic. The women's shelter will help you find a job and any training you need to get back on your own two feet. Don't waste any more time, get out while you still can.
2006-12-27 16:40:51 · answer #2 · answered by letsgetagripalready 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you.you are right to say that you dont fit into this whole thing. i admire your courage for taking control of the situation and taking on the work it will take to get you out of the house for good. i gaurantee you that it will only get worse and no better so long as he does not even believe he has a problem. you wont be able to change him. in the meantime , if you have the time, you can attend alanon meetings. i dont know where you live but you can start looking for "al-anon.org" on line and then go from there. these meetings will bring you around a support system of people that are in the same situation as you and they share their ways of coping . alcoholism is self centered behaviour and you deserve to be a part of life that is normal if not beautiful to experience.
2006-12-27 17:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Scot 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he says he dosnt have a problem then hes in denial. He really needs to go to a drug and alcohol rehab but if he refuses counceling then the best thing you can do is leave. Hes putting you at risk with the drugs because IF he was to ever get busted while with you or at home then you could end up going down with him. Before you make the decision to go you need to see if you can help him. The first step is for him to admit he has a problem. If he cant do that then its a lost cause and you need to get out
2006-12-27 16:39:15 · answer #4 · answered by lala 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Immediately start going to Al-Anon meetings for yourself. Al-anon are open meetings (kinda like AA meetings) but are instead for the FAMILY members of alcoholics and drug addicts. Here is where you will find support from people who are going through exactly what you are going through and living it day to day. Getting advice from people who have not lived through exactly what you are going through is well intentioned, but useless. There are many, many al-anon meetings all over the country and I'm sure if you google it or look in the yellow pages you will find some without any problems. You will hear stories of others going through what you are experiencing right now and you will receive great counsel from all of them. I guarantee that if you look this up you will find something that is meeting close to your home sometime tomorrow or if not by the very next day. You cannot possibly get through this without the support of "experienced" people and this won't cost you a cent. Good luck my friend......been there, done that.
2006-12-27 16:45:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call a local hotline for abused women and they will help you contact a shelter. You can usually stay in them for up to 3 months while searching for a job and a place to live. You need to get out of this situation NOW not in a few weeks. While he is at work make the calls and leave. Take only what you will need for a few days.
2006-12-27 16:42:48 · answer #6 · answered by Country girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there, and I know. Although I have 2 children whom are younger than yours. I was married to an alcoholic and a pot smoker. It just got worse after we were married then I told him the consequenses of what would happen.....lose jobs, lose license, loose family......It happened....He lost it all, and his marriage.
You cannot force him to do anything he don't want to, but I do highly strongly recommend that he gets help. He needs to take it upon himself to admit there is a problem and do something about it before he loses everything.
I sympathize with you and I have tried all I can to salvage my marriage, but it was up to him to get the help to take care of the problem.
You have to do what you have to do...Your daughter is an adult and if she chooses not to bring her newborn into that lifestyle, then it's her right as a parent. If your husband cannot admit there is a problem, then he don't want to get help and honestly don't care until he loses everything. You have the right to leave the situation if there is nothing more for you to do.
Best wishes, and good luck.
2006-12-27 16:48:11 · answer #7 · answered by Trese 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband don't see his problem-he think that he is doing fine-but he has got to want to get help and nothing that you say or do will change that-you can see the problem-because you are on the outside looking in-you need to get out before it is to late-your children don't need to be in that type of environment-and your daughter have good sense she don't want her baby in that type of environment and I glory in her spunk-she got good sense take a l.lesson from your child-no man is worth your life are your children's life-you feel alone because you are alone-he have something in his life that don't include you are the children-get out now and start living your life without him-you can do it.remember love hurt-but some people don't know that you don't hurt someone that you love and if your love for him is blinding you get you some eye glasses preferable bifocal so that you can see that love is a two way street
2006-12-27 16:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a husband and father I sometimes do the same thing and it does really piss my wife off. Maybe he is feeling left out due to the fact you are looking after your daughter whist she is pregnant and you are going through all the hormone and mood swings associated with her pregnancy. Is the father to your daughters baby helping out the situation or are you her only support.?? Your daughter is over reacting if she says she will not come around all this is doing is putting a wedge between you and your husband. Just chill out things will get better.
2006-12-27 16:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by spils 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sadly, your situation is not unusual for a woman who is married to an alcoholic. But you are asking the wrong people, and the advice you've been given by a number of people, while well-meaning, is not particularly useful. As a few others have suggested, your best bet is to go to Al-Anon. It's free and the people you will meet there are or have been in your shoes. Please check into it without delay! Here is their website:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Good luck.
2006-12-31 03:30:30 · answer #10 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋