She's having an affair with a married man. Almost everyone in the family knows about it except for my dad. I don't have the courage either to tell my dad about it because of fear that he might do something bad to us and to my mom. My mom is working abroad but she came home this december with the guy to have a vacation. They're staying at a condo in manila. My dad thinks that she's still abroad and has no plans yet of coming back for a vacation. I'm finding it hard to adjust and I can't forgive myself for always lying to my dad. Please help
2006-12-27 16:12:17 · 11 answers · asked by clueless_mama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to stay out of this...They are adults and you need to stay out of their relationship. Your mom needs to tell him, if you do, he and she will never forgive you...In this situation its the messenger that gets screwed....
2006-12-27 16:23:46 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This one is complicated. I'm sorry you are in the middle of it, but it appears you have little choice in the matter.
Obviously, he has to be informed soon. I say obviously because of the fact that everyone else seems to know and if it goes on for much longer and he finds out later, he will be so hurt and embarassed as if there was a big joke on him, that he might lash out at himself or others.
Be strong and best of luck!
It should be with a group of people that care for both of them and who are also close with you. You don't wan't this to degenerate into a brawl with friends of your mothers and fathers arguing with each other as to who is wrong or right. Also part of this group should be 1 or 2 very close friends of his that are capable of physically restraining him should his instinc be to physically assault your Mom.
This event should be simply to state facts regarding where the situation is and what her plans are going forward. Any questions or statements rearding blame or insults or outlining reasons why there is no future should be saved for a few days later. If she has any declarations regarding finances (as in "I'm interested/not interested in taking you to the cleaners) they should be said as you want both parties to make appropriate legal inquiries and obtain counsel.
Also, you need to show your father that you were not part of any conspiracy to keep him in the dark and that you love him , but that based on information and gossip you learned of this poorly kept secret and then simply planned to tell him but that it wasn't easy. You have 2 parents and (I would imagine) want a relationship with both going forward. Explain to him that you will always be there for him which is one of the reasons you forced your mothers hand in this.
Stress to your father that going after the other guy is a waste of time as it is not personal between them, but ratehr is between he and your mom. If he wants to have a conversation with the other mans wife (just for support and closure) it's not a bad idea (if she knows already herself)
Either way. This is a painful situation and if you don't take the initiative, nobody else probably will either
2006-12-27 16:33:46 · answer #2 · answered by stymie1970 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do you know all of this and your dad doesn't?
if you'd sit back and watch, I'm sure you'll see signs that your dad, in fact, knows what is going on. Some people do not want to face the facts. It is not up to you to tell your father what is going on. why would your mother put you in this position? you should have a talk with her and tell her that she needs to be honest with your dad. Let her know how you feel and that you are uncomfortable. you should not feel bad about what your mom is doing. she should feel bad for what she is putting you through.
2006-12-27 16:17:37 · answer #3 · answered by Joannie W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW that's a hard one i just think that you should sit down with you mom and tell her that what shes doing is wrong and its ruining your family and your stressing about it. Just tell her that your dad has a right to know whats going on and if she dont tell him then you do. I'm pretty sure your dads going to be very mad and be upset with all of you of not telling him sooner but just give him time to cool off and he'll come around she shouldn't be leading him on like that its not right. well good luck
2006-12-27 16:20:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i be attentive to it somewhat is not uncomplicated on you. even nonetheless that is somewhat no longer your accountability to make beneficial each and every thing is going properly. it somewhat is your mum's doing and the guy who could sense the guilt is her, no longer you. you shouldn't be put in this difficult difficulty in any respect. you could examine with your mum on how uncomfortable her affair is for you. tell her that she's no longer placing a sturdy occasion for her family participants and that she could come sparkling. no longer basically is she no longer respecting your father via having an affair, she's no longer respecting the entire family participants, putting anybody in a confusing place.
2016-10-28 12:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough situation. talk to your mom... tell her that her situation makes you sad and puts you in a bad place by lying to your dad and how that is hurtfull to you.
NO guarantees though. there are many variable her that you did not discuss. Understand marriages are not always about love, sometimes money or family is a reason for staying... but if she is lyin to him that is not right. She needs to tell him what is going on and they need to decide the best path whether it is to work it out... recommit to eachother.... redesign the marriage.. or dissolve the whole thing.....
Try not to lie to your dad....try to avoid the questions.
I hope it all works out for you in the end.
2006-12-27 16:18:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i was in that situation i would ask my mom to talk to dad, come clean, tell her how i feel. and the best thing for everyone is to tell dad. or i would do it cause its not fair for our family. give mom some time. and if she doesnt do it, i would tell dad!
2006-12-27 16:15:50 · answer #7 · answered by answerplease 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry she has put you in this postion-stay out of it though you might want to tell 'mom' how her thoughtless actions are affecting the kids.
2006-12-27 16:43:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
then tell the truth.
he deserves to know especially if everyone else knows.
2006-12-27 16:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its up to you to tell him. and stay by his side he is going to need you
2006-12-27 16:17:02 · answer #10 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋