I have been dating this guy for a short time and i think that this could really turn out to be "it". Anyway, my parents are having some problems and there is a chance they will be getting divorced. I am afraid that I might fall into their footsteps. My sister is also having problems in her marriage. What can I do to make sure that I don't follow my parents??
2006-12-27 16:08:21 · 13 answers · asked by lifeaintsobad09 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Learn from their mistakes. That's basically it.
I'm married, and both of our parents have been married & divorced before they married the people they're with now. We do not plan on following those footsteps.
2006-12-27 16:11:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Communication. People get divorced because they stop talking to each other and listening. They let the little things (the ones they think are to small to mention) build and build until they have a huge problem. Then they blow up at each other over things that could have been solved easily one piece at a time. People also don't bother to figure out how the other person communicates love. If you want to be told your beautiful and sexy and your husband wants you to be physical with him, but all you do is tell him how handsome he is and all he does is ask you to be physical then your both asking for what you want and not giving what the other wants. Learn to communicate in each others ways. Never forget it. Keep the lines of communication open and remember, just because you do all of this doesn't mean you won't have bad days. You also have to learn that marriage has bad days and that it's totally OK. Just enjoy the make-up sex and get past it. Also, start by working out everything that could be a huge problem later first. How many kids do you both want? Are either of you willing to adopt? Who wants to stay home with the kids? (I stress the "want" part there) Are you willing to move for each others jobs? Everything and anything you can think of. You may miss some things, but try your best. That is after all, all any one can ask of you.
2006-12-27 16:22:16 · answer #2 · answered by Evolving 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the lines of communication open! Make sure that you and your guy can talk to each other about everything -- don't let little annoyances fester and become big problems.
Show your love for each other every day. Little gestures can help build a solid foundation for a relationship.
Know yourself. Know what's important to you. If you aren't comfortable with yourself or sure of who you are, it's hard to find your way in a relationship with someone else.
Be willing to compromise. You (or he) can't always get your (or his) way. A relationship is a two-way street.
But on the other hand...know when NOT to compromise. There are little things that are not worth getting bent out of shape about (think: whether the toilet paper goes over the top or around the back), and then there are things that are too important to compromise on (think: cheating, physical abuse, etc.) If it's a big thing, don't be afraid to stand up for what is right.
A good relationship takes work, and even long, happy marriages have their rough spots. Recognize that even in the harder moments, the relationship you have with the other person is important and that it's worth working through those tough parts to keep that person in your life.
Good luck!
2006-12-27 16:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by kittenpie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every person is different. If you really love your bf and the two of you get along great and you like the same things, then you should be fine. You can't control another person, but you can control your own behavior. Make a conscious effort to be a great wife and to always love and respect your husband. Pick your battles and don't waste time fighting over little things. Just because your parents and sister are having are having problems does not mean you have to have marital problems too. Good Luck.
2006-12-27 16:16:58 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last statistic I heard was that 50% or more marriages in this country fail. Realize that you are NOT your parents. Keep open communication with your b/f. Make sure he is on the same page with you and that you communicate discomfort with a resolution in mind. In other words, don't expect him to just fix your complaints. Be prepared to say what will make you more comfortable. Also be prepared to compromise for his sake.
Develop a spiritual life together. The family that prays together has better odds of staying together.
Always be truthful and be prepared to be forgiving.
That's it. That's all anyone can do.
Good luck.
2006-12-27 16:16:07 · answer #5 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a newlywed and I come from a family where mom and dad are still married, but don't really interact with each other anymore. Mom lives on the second floor of the house and dad lives on the first floor. Sometimes they are friendly, but usually they are not speaking to each other. I took what they demonstrated as married life and learned what I did not want in my marriage. I learned from the mistakes that I saw them make on a daily basis. I vowed to communicate my wants and needs to my husband and to argue constructively as opposed to endlessly. I learned that marriage doesn't have to be a battle and can really be a wonderful partnership. I have been married for 3 yrs. now and we have a great relationship. He is my best friend. You don't have to have your parents marriage if you don't want to. Good luck!
2006-12-27 16:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by Momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you are in your late 20's to early 30's before getting married... That way who ever you marry will have already sowed his wild oats and by then you would have already sowed yours... Also make sure that you have an education like College so that when you meet a person who could be "the one" that you are chooseing him because you love him and not because you are trying to get away from a bad situation or that you are settling for the first man to enter into your life...
2006-12-27 16:14:48 · answer #7 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The most important ingredient to making a marriage work is communication. Always keep the lines of communication open between yourself and your partner. Learn how to discuss things early on, so that later on in the relationship, if problems should arise, you will have the right skills and methods to overcome them together.
2006-12-27 16:14:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you say you have been dating this guy for a short time and you now think this is the one.
here is how you eliminate one possible problem, do not make this kind of a decision on a short time relationship. it takes a good long time to really get to know someone.
you had better know someone really well before making that kind of decision!!!
2006-12-27 16:28:27 · answer #9 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a touchy situation...my parents divorved in 1994, i was in 3rd or 4th grade at the time. it sucked i wrote a senior paper about it, i told myself id never get in that situation...its taking a lot of work, and time, and patience. ive been married about 1 1/2 years and with her since 2000. dont listen to what your parents say about each other....neither of them are telling the whole truth. let them vent but dont let their situation ruin what you have.
parents are perfect when your little, but when you grow up you can see that they have issues too, be understanding with them and dont rush your situation....the more deep you think into it the harder it will be for you to make the right decisions. good luck to you, take care of yourself and youll make the right decision for you and only you
2006-12-27 16:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋