i am going to tell you a story so sad
that you might think that i have gone mad
but trust me this story is really really true
as the sky and the sea being beautifly blue
there was a girl in a in a town all alone
who walked the streets all on her own
her dad was a drunky and hated her so
while her mom was a stripper and no less a hoe
they were all poor and had nothing to eat
and it didn't help much that everyday she got beat
she hated her life and wanted to die
but something always stopped her so instead she started to cry
but one days he found some people to hang
and from that day on she was part of a gang
they thought her to smoke and use some white powder
white the voices in her head with every day became louder
three months have past and the same little girl
is not the same as before not the pretty white pearl
her hair is lost and her teeth are all black
from all the pot smoking and doing white crack
now more than ever she wishes she was dead
and everyday tears she continue to shed
only if there was someone to tell her what's right
if only there was someone to show her the light
but now its too late and this black ugly pearl
will forever remain the cocaine girl
2006-12-27 15:29:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
please tell me what u think... no rude comments please. its not the best, but i am still working on the spelling and grammer. thank you
i'm 16 btw
2006-12-27 15:29:29 · update #1
Wow, I certainly hope this poem is not refering to you. But... you are a poet. And a very good poet at that. It sounds like you are telling the story of someone you know that needs some help. And if it is just make up then WOW... You should write some more and submit them to your English teacher at school, I know there alot of poetry conests for young adults. I would not submit this particular poem as your first though. It is good, but you don't want people getting the wrond idea. Keep up the good work and Good Luck:)
2006-12-27 15:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by alybr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bit cliche, but overall, an okay poem. The grammar and content errors desperately need to be fixed, as it's a bit hard to read the way it is currently.
2006-12-28 00:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by spontaneousishowiroll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a great poem and i dont even like poetry. if this is something that you are going through go sek help. it doesnt mean that you are crazy its jjust h\that your life is out of order at this time. and you need somebody to get to back on track. not your gang members. and before dropping out of the gang go get the police to put you under witness protection. but thatis a great poem
2006-12-28 00:28:57 · answer #3 · answered by raq 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hope this is not your story, but I would say it was good. It sounded like I can probably do a R&B album out of it...keep it up :) Also see my suggestions on your answer list to the question you had posed reg. your poem.
Good Luck!
2006-12-28 00:08:55 · answer #4 · answered by arjun_tva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good
2006-12-27 23:36:27 · answer #5 · answered by lorrnae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...that was really good! did you just make that up..hopefully it isn't about you..you should see if you could do something with it..that could have really good potentiall.!
good luck
2006-12-28 00:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by kayla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that was really good. keep writting it will get u far
2006-12-28 00:06:04 · answer #7 · answered by erin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked it u seem nice
2006-12-27 23:34:00 · answer #8 · answered by hardbringer26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was good. very deep. when'd you write it
2006-12-27 23:47:56 · answer #9 · answered by ipodlady231 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋