but I really don't know how to ask him. It is breaking my heart feeling this way, but I just don't feel any love anymore. I'm also not sure if I could go without my baby a whole weekend to a week (or whatever custody agreement is arranged). I'm so confused and sad.
2006-12-27 15:15:04 · 18 answers · asked by Peanut Butter 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would love to work things out, but I don't see him making much of an effort. All he does is complain that I don't clean right, cook right, take care of our dogs and baby right. Plus I work two jobs and it is still not enough. I feel he has no respect for me because he comes home from work and as I'm walking out the door to my 2nd job he complains to me that I didn't put the dishes from the dishwasher away yet. And I'm sick of his mother constantly on me about junk too (like when am I going to take the baby from her bassenet and start her sleeping in the crib). It is none of her business. I'm so depressed.
2006-12-27 15:31:54 · update #1
make sure you are not experiencing post partum depression. You can have that for up to two years after birth. Don't make any decisions until you are in a good frame of mind.
2006-12-27 15:18:43 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know how to ask him for a divorce, are you really sure you want one? In long term marriages, you fall in and out of love, (actually you just go Thur periods, where you are not wild a bout each other), kinda like the 7 year itch, marriage gets a little boring, you take each other for granted). Could this be your problem? I ask because you seem uncertain a bout divorcing your husband, if there is not a serious issue with your marriage, have you tried anything to improve it? You wrote a bout a baby, is the child less than 2 years old?, If so don't rule out a little mild postpartum depression,(you said you are sad), think a bout how difficult being a single mother is, it's not that I don't believe in divorce, it's just that I get the feeling that you are ambiguous a bout this decision, and it's OK not to feel loving toward your husband right know. My husband recalls I did not want him near me, for almost a year after our first child, (I think I must have been a little ticked off that he got me pregnant, and sleepless, even tho I could not be away from my child for a whole day), it was just a lot of changes for a marriage to go thru, but those feelings passed, (we laugh a bout them now). I remember days , when I just wanted out. Could you be going thru some feelings like that? If so, and a little work, and when/if you have the chance for some a lone time with your husband, you might change your mind. Try to remember what made you fall in love with him, in the first place, may be you can get that feeling back, with a child together it is worth a shot. Best of luck
2006-12-27 23:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kimberly H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the reason you are thinking of it. Divorce is not (as once thought) the answer to any but the most severe problems. In a survey of couples that wee having marital difficulties, those that divorced 5 years after the divorce were still unhappy and unfulfilled. The same question asked of those that were having problems and stuck it out, 5 years later, were happier than they'd ever been.
Divorce is ultimately a selfish act. It destroys families, it hurts children (and their future, impacts their intelligence, and actually decreases their expected life span by 2 years).
Better to work on the marriage than to destroy it.
Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." In it you'll find that women control the home and have the power in marriage. Use it wisely and you can have a happy man that will do most anything for you.
2006-12-27 23:23:10 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Peanut Butter,
I want to share a small story with you. My wife of 28 years had the same feeling (but she is going through menopause). I'm not going to tell you how things worked out because every situation is different. It is something you yourself have to work through but there is help either seek marriage counseling together or go see a therapist for yourself. This will only help clarify and sort what you are really feeling. One thing I know for sure your baby will suffer the most. If I were you and in your situation (just an alternative) if it's tolerable and he doesn't hit you or abuse you in any way it would be far better for you to wait until your child reaches the age of eighteen and go through the motions for your child (take birth control), you don't want to bring another baby into the world or you'll be stuck forever. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-12-27 23:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by beamer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You really need to divorce him. He doesn't respect you and you deserve better. What he wants is a maid. You are not his maid, you are his wife and you should not let him get away with the way he is treating you. You and your baby deserve better. I know it's going to be hard sharing your child with him, but he is her father and has rights too. Maybe he won't be a part of her life. That happens alot.You need to move on and find your own happiness.
2006-12-27 23:40:14 · answer #5 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a young baby aka newborn - your dealing with Post Partum Depression, and every mother goes through it. Since there is a child involved, you need to seek all your options and all your brain waves, to make sure putting your lives through hell is the right way to go. I can't tell you how many times my husband and I have been trhough this, but a little bit of honesty and open disscussions go a long way.
2006-12-27 23:26:37 · answer #6 · answered by dreamkillerkitten 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you don't ask him for a divorce,you tell him you want a divorce. Then be prepared for months of heartache and pain and misery and fighting. You're thinking about custody and you haven't even mentioned anything to your husband yet. Our answers aren't going to make a difference. In the end you are going to do what your heart feels is best. Sometimes what's best for the parent is whats best for the child.
2006-12-27 23:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by justme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry to hear about this. I went through a divorce recently. Before you do anything think it over calmly. It is really hard being divorced. Holidays are horrible. Every movie, store, restaurant reminds me of him. Life seems meaningless. And I had about the same kind of problems you did. Take care.
2006-12-27 23:43:21 · answer #8 · answered by crazyloonynice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek counseling and makes your husband and his mother go as well. Do it for the baby's sake. I think that both you and your husband are overworked and tired and thus he is on a shortleash. I think it you are is not that you dont love him but rather that you are tired and need a break. After all you just had a baby and babies are tiring. You just had the baby and you loved your husband then. Surely things havent changed that fast.
2006-12-28 00:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by ursula_higgs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you tried counseling?
maybe some marriage therapy?
have you tried rekindling the fire?
you don't seem to be making any outrageous claims of abuse or neglect or cheating or anything like that
try the things i just said before going for divorce
2006-12-27 23:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋