she had a miscarriage before but she wasnt very far along ... i felt very close to this one as it was a girl ... my little brother (( 4 )) doesnt understand that mummy isnt having a baby anymore ... i wuld jus lyk some advice as to how we can carry on with life but remembering the lost child
2006-12-27 15:11:57 · 15 answers · asked by emiily 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
My condolences to you and your family for the loss of your little sister. This is a complex question you are asking. People will expect you all to go on as if it was almost nothing and many, (most) will not understand your grief. They think you should all "just get over it".
I have never been through what your family is going through, so I cannot give you first-hand advice; I can only help console you and let you know that my heart goes out to you. I have read many articles written by people who feel their pain is minimized by society; that this won't hurt next week or next year or every year when you ask the questions, "how old would she be right now?", and so forth. Don't let those moments go unrecognized. They are valid feelings and you all have a right to them.
Don't take some people's stupid remarks personally. Most of us cannot possibly know how you must be feeling, not only now, but in the future. We don't mean to say stupid remarks; we are illequipped to properly help you. Most things people say they just say because they cannot help you and think that they are.
I read that people think that there is something wrong with them for grieving from time to time years after this happens. It is not wrong. It is normal.
Like I said, I am far from an expert on this, but I think you should name her and give her a ceremony of some sorts. After all, the sweet little thing was a member of your family and deserves that. I don't believe in any religion, but I do believe in God. There will be others who will have plenty of ideas about that.
I found some websites on grieving for this purpose. I can't vouch for them - one or two could be crap for all I know, but why not keep trying until you find the support group you need.
I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how many people tell you it was for the best - it sure as heck doesn't feel that way and you don't have to believe it. By the way, it's also okay to feel angry about it.
My heart goes out to you and yours. Your sister is in the hands of whatever God rules the universe, and so are you.
2006-12-27 15:36:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My stepmom miscarried several times when I was a teenager. I did not live with her, so I could not comfort her as much as I wanted to. What hurt her most is that my dad refused to talk with her about it. She had all sorts of emotions running through her, and the one person she should have been able to talk to wasn't there for her.
My advice to you would be to lend an ear as much as you are able, and always have a shoulder to cry on. Wait a bit until some time has passed. Then perhaps, if it feels right, suggest doing something in memoriam to the lost child. For example, planting a tree, or making a donation to a charity.
Most importantly, when the time is right, ask the baby's name. Even if she didn't reveal it to anyone, that baby probably had a name in her mind. If it did, she wants you to know it.
Death is the opposite of life, yet they are so closely tied that only a few humans will ever truly understand either.
2006-12-27 15:29:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had a miscarriage before. It hurts no matter how far along you are. Mine was 2 wks before Thanksgiving 15 yrs ago. To this day I remember that child on that day. I would suggest lighting a candle in memory of the child and make it a tradition at Christmas to do so every year. Only time will heal the heart of the loss. But, it will heal. Pray for peace with it and know that everything has it's purpose. It took me 10 yrs to figure out and understand God's purpose for my miscarriage. For me, He knew I was married to the wrong man at that time. Ten years later, I married the right man and his birthday is the same day as my miscarriage. I now have a reason to smile on that day. God is wonderful!
2006-12-27 15:27:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, a miscarriage can mean that the child wasn't ready to come into the world yet. Due to various timing problems, the child simply goes back into waiting to be born. Also, some children want to better understand what it is like to be 'unfinished', so that when they do come back, they have a better appreciation for the life they will live.
No child is ever lost so long as the good memories remain. Your 'sister' is still your sister, no matter what.
2006-12-27 15:36:20 · answer #4 · answered by Khnopff71 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your family on the lost of the child. I know what your mother is going through I lost a baby. The main thing is just to be there for your mama and when she starts feeling sad, tell her that she has two kids that love her very much and need her. If it were me maybe you could make a angel ornament to hang on the tree for the baby and if she had a name put it on the ornament. But before you do this talk to your mama about the idea and she what she wants to do. I hope that you all are doing ok. My prayers are with you all.
2006-12-27 15:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is very sad, and our hearts go out to you and your family. It may be a while yet before your brother can grasp the meaning of what has happened, so don't be upset by his not comprehending.
You need to understand that some tragedy happens in most everyone's lives at some point, and yet They manage to get on with their lives. You are not alone; while this is
very sad, and very tragic, there are many other who have gone through the same type of tragedy. you deal with it the best you can, one day at a time. Eventually, it will not be so hard. I don't think you will have any problem remembering your little lost sister.
That kind of lovely thought never leaves person's mind; she will be with you always.
Good luck and God Bless you
2006-12-27 15:22:20 · answer #6 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After a miscarriage a woman has to adjust quickly to the fact that she was pregnant, but isn't anymore. This is a big psychological shift. It is also probable that her hormones are very upset at this time. Your family could remember your dead sister's life in some way, for example by planting a rose tree or sponsoring a child overseas.
2006-12-27 17:25:00 · answer #7 · answered by Ms.Kiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know a lady who had a late term miscarriage.One way she and her other children have delt with this is.Every time they go a birthday party the release balloons for the sister they have in heaven.This sounds pretty harsh,but a child born today will face so many hardships and pains in this life,your sister is lucky.I know I must be so devistating for you and your family.Realize this your sister is in heaven today,being cared for by the angels.She will never face any kind of sorrow or suffering.Some people today say you are not aperson until you are born.If you believe in god and believe his word to be true you must know a unborn child has a living soul just like you and I.The bible said that John jumped for joy in his mothers womb.If you have been saved by Jesus you know you will be reunited with this child when your time here is over.If you do not know the lord find him.Salvation is the freepardon of sin by our savior jesus christ.You can only get this from Jesus It is something real that you will know about in your soul.It comes from heaven Please do not let some preacher tell you are saved.He can not know only you and the lord know where you stand.If you don't know pray to jesus and don't stop praying untill he lets you know.
2006-12-27 15:56:34 · answer #8 · answered by upforitupforitupforitupforitru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know dear, a childless mother cried on Xmas eve that she may be blessed with a child and the Lord thought that your mother already has two loving kids and can spare the one she bears to the childless woman... your brother (or sister?) who was dissolved in your mum's womb has actually gone to another mother who will care for and nurture him very well... so be happy for the child that the Lord had willed to take away with good thought... In the divine dispensation there is never a curse only blessing... Pray to the Lord to make mum happy...
2006-12-27 15:41:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Merry yule Eve to you besides mght...sure you're turning out to be a celebrity for Christmas ..My plans are to spend the vacations with my relatives i`ve no longer yet opened any delivers yet we do to have the custom of beginning off one contemporary on Christmas eve and something on Christmas morning . Merry yule
2016-10-19 01:53:39 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋