I dont want to be with her but we have 2 kids and she has already said she will fight me in court for them. When I first found out she apologized like crazy and swore never to do it again. I decided to get us into marriage counseling and we were into about our 3rd month when I found out she was still meeting him and her friend was covering for her. She would tell me she was meeting mary for drinks and I believed her. I love my wife but the image of her with that guy is killing me. I feel ugly and unimportant and my entire life is suffering because of it. I feel like everyone knows and is just laughing at me behind my back. I didn't go to Christmas celebrations this year because of that. I called my best friend after I found out and he started acting weird and I haven't talked to him since. Should I suspect him also?? I don't understand why she doesn't just leave me. I've asked myself and racked my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong and I just dont know. What do I do??
2006-12-27 14:59:52 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave her you might haft to share custody of your kids with her . but at least you will be Free of the hell she is putting you through and you do deserve a much better woman . good luck
2006-12-27 15:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am no counsler but if you really love your wife talk to her and see where her head is at. Don't feel like your being laughed at because it's not you whose doing anything wrong... She's cheating not you. Don't stay for the kids because your happiness is on the line...Your children will understand that it is not them and that mommy and daddy just have differences that can't be worked out. Don't involve the kids in any aspect or part of your disagreements with your wife, that is what will hurt them in the long run. I am hoping that the two of you can work it out because marriage is sacred. The two of you should sit and figure out where you went wrong and start all over again, don't pick up where you left off because thats where the problems began... Go away for a week just the two of you.. I am sure she loves you, because if she didn't she would have gone... There is something your marriage may be lacking and you both must figure it out...
But if the problem persist then you already know what it is you have to do and that you've done all you can.
Much Luck
2006-12-27 23:16:24 · answer #2 · answered by Singer22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, this isn't your fault. Men and women cheat because they are either insecure, or they are nasty people. Either way, she is not committed to you. I'd contact an attorney immediately, and find out what you need to do to protect your rights with your children. Perhaps hiring a private detective to follow her, photograph her, etc. If she's busy having affairs then she certainly isn't worrying about her children. That's gotta help your cause. Finally, you've got to make the final decision here. Do you love her enough to get past those memories of the cheating? Can you TRULY forgive her an never throw it in her face? If not, then start planning and drop it on her only when all your plans are lined up. It's not nice, but what she is doing requires difficult tactics. Good luck to you.
2006-12-27 23:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by whatrukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to give advice on this subject because I have been there. You obviously love your kids but do you think it is best for them to see the two of you be in a loveless marriage? You don't sound happy now, so I don't think you can ever be happy again with her and that is not just bad for you two, but bad for your kids. She's cheated, lied about leaving him, and now has friends involved in it. She's done it once, it will usually happen again. If you do decide to leave, fight her for the kids, if you know you are the right parent for them to be with. Don't back down. I really hope you get through this. I was lucky through my separation/ soon divorce. I hope you will be too.
2006-12-27 23:48:30 · answer #4 · answered by Baby Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad went through the same thing. He loved my mom very much and wanted to try to work it out for the sake of my brothers and I. I can say from my point of view from watching my father go through it, it's not worth the pain. She can't take the kids from you unless she can prove in some way, shape, or form that your an unfit father, which you don't sound like. People will talk behind your back, and there are the a**holes that will think something like this is funny, one because it took you so long to find out, and two because your still with her even though she's still doing it. I know it sounds crude but you need to leave her. It doesn't sound like she's making an honest effort to make the relationship work, and she didn't leave you because she wants her cake and wants to eat it to, which means, she's using you. She knows you love her and that you'd do anything for her, and that you want to make this work. So she can continue to go about her little escapades but she knows that your still going to be at home waiting for her, and you'll be taking care of the kids. So for you best interest, don't put yourself through it. I'm sorry.
2006-12-27 23:14:37 · answer #5 · answered by lovinmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am like you in some ways, my guy cheated on me and here the bust of it all, it was a planned thing, he set up a guy to come to my house drinking (my guy grew up with himand the guys sister married my cousin who live down the road) and he tried to say that I fooled with him, but what my guy didn't think of was my teen was there the whole time til the guy left,We split up for a week and in that week he had 5 girlfriends. Well now I feel I can't trust him , but I love him, and I fight tears every day.I can afford to leave him,I am unable to work for a while still, so I have to abid my time and pray for help to get through my days.If I didn't really love him I think I would have left him long ago.So you have to do what your heart says.And as for your girl, unless she a unfit mom they wont take the kid from her, so your have to share the kid, jointly.And yes suspect the friend, I have reasons like that to suspect my guys boss's wife's sister! I am never invited to company thingys with him,he just goes and then tells where he went. So good luck.
2006-12-27 23:23:43 · answer #6 · answered by ladylily29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go and start afresh your brand new day. Since she has intention to have affair with other and no intention to have clean break-up, why not just let her go?
You deserve the best and you are still in vows of marriage.. just that you had made a wrong choice in choosing her as your entire life partner.. Fight back whatever you think is right and I think children should follow you as you could set a good example for them.. however, you need to be prepared as taking care of child is not an easy tasks as you need to be mother as well father to them. Wish you all the best...
2006-12-27 23:12:04 · answer #7 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. The pain will leave soon after.Remember there,s more women out there than men,and remember the golden rule once a cheater always a cheater.As far as fighting in court who cares,the kids will know why the marriage ended then later in life they will realize your morals.
2006-12-27 23:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by in_olathe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard right now, but 'chin up'. It wont always be this way. You will get through this and make the decisions that need to be made. No matter how hard they are. But through it all, realize you are a valuable person, and those kids are going to need you. So, chin up, you can get through this. You have a lot of great advice here. There is not much I can add, except to say "Don't give up, especially on yourself".
Good luck, and God bless
2006-12-27 23:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was like reading my life over there.My wife did the same thing that yours has done.She took me to court for custody and guess who won that battle I did.So don't let her hold that over your head but let me tell you something it takes alot of commitment to be the custodial parent.She will not change her cheating ways once a cheat allways a cheat.It was the best thing that ever happened to me her leaving after she cheated on me a few times.It hurts like crazy at first but you have to hold your head up high and move on with life.So Good Luck and don't look back you deserve better
2006-12-27 23:08:23 · answer #10 · answered by sparky75us 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely leave her. Get a divorce and fight for joint custody. I'm sorry your wife cheated on you, but you have to move on. You don't deserve what she is doing to you. Get rid of her. Let her be with the other man. They deserve each other. Wait until you meet someone that is going to love and respect you.
2006-12-27 23:11:35 · answer #11 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋