I love my wife and we have ups and downs. We are deaf married couples and I have heard so many stories of deaf marriages ending up in divorces. What's the secret to long lasting marriage?
2006-12-27 14:48:01 · 15 answers · asked by Roger S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
open communication and honesty and compromise
2006-12-27 14:53:22 · answer #1 · answered by lily_shaine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Commit to the idea of marriage, not so much as to a personality. If you are committed to the concept of man and woman together, marriage, with respect for each other, other problems, a part of humanity, can be worked out.
You married because you love each other. When there are difficulties put the "ego and pride" in the closet and on hold and let the intellect function. It is the spouse that gives your life meaning. Forget the petty things in life, ignore them, not easy to do. You have an added complexity in life. What is the old maxim, "Never go to bed angry." I worked with deaf children for a summer and found them vibrant and believe that I got into their world briefly. They struggled but they never seemed to give up.
With communication, believe that you can work through any difficulties that arise. Whatever it takes protect the union, your coming together, andyou will grow together in understanding. The stories you hear are perhaps significant for others, not you. Check your priorities. Life alone can be very difficult and pleasures alone often are empty. It is sharing that makes much, if not all, worthwhile. Thank you for the question, I reflect upon those great kids I worked with for a brief time. Forget the negative stories and recall Helen Keller and others that made and make their mark.
2006-12-27 15:44:42 · answer #2 · answered by ipygmalion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 30 yrs and god knows we have had some ups and downs and a lot of rocky patches in that time but we always seem to get past them. I can't see why deaf marriages would be any different to any other marriage as they still involve two people who love and respect each other. So what's the difference ?? I believe to have a long and reasonably happy marriage you need to have a lot of love, patience, trust,honesty and mutual respect for each other. You must always work together with all aspects of your marriage and believe me it sometimes takes quite a bit of work to keep it on an even keel but if a long and happy marriage is what you both want you must both work at it. A happy marriage certainly takes two people who love each other to make it work.
2006-12-27 15:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Roger!!!
Being deaf or not, the secret of a long healthy lasting marriage is love and RESPECT!!!!
If both of you can manage this two, you are in your way to a very happy long healthy marriage. Paitient is another wisdom, a couple should cultivate.
Do things together, but also give each other space to be individuals. This way you will fight boredom.
GOD LUCK TO YOU, GOD BLESS YOU
HAPPY NEW YEAR
ALLIV Z
2006-12-27 15:02:26 · answer #4 · answered by Alliv Z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mutual respect. Willingness to work on all aspects of your marriage. No secrets. Being transparent. Speaking plainly (gotta give an example here; I teach school, my counter part is a female teacher. She came to me and asked me, "Don't you want to help me take down the decorations." I said, "Yes" because I knew she wasn't trying to find out if I wanted to help, she WANTED my help. That is what women do to men a LOT. Say what you mean, no hints, no assuming he should just know. Tell him what you want. Let him know if you want to talk, vent, or need help resolving an issue. )
Men are pretty simple. If my wife were here I could tell her that all I ever wanted was to be listened to, to be shown respect, to share her thoughts and my thoughts with her in full honesty. She hid so many things from me that by the time I realized where we were she was gone. Communication and validation, and some good loving too. I could have used all of those, but the honest respect and straight talk would have made up for a lot of laxness in other areas. She wouldn't be honest with me and she certainly didn't show me respect.
I don't mean bow down to me (another example; once when she was doing some house chore in a way that took a long time and made it harder I suggested an easier way to do it, but she wasn't listening to me. I tried for two weeks to get her to listen or try what I was saying but no dice. A month later, after I stopped trying to tell her, she did the chore in a way that made it obvious she used the method I discussed. AS I was about to ask her what made you decide to try my way, she said, "Oh, you noticed. My dad suggested this." That hurt. A lot. She didn't listen to me and then only when her Dad said it did she try my way and NOT ONCE MENTIONED anything except her dad did it.
Well, I digress. Love. Honesty. Speak plainly. Show him respect.
And I suggest reading 1 Cor 13 about true love.
Blessings,
Ramon
2006-12-27 15:01:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no one secret but to sum it up is compromise.remember you both will have bad days you both will get on each-others nerves. but ultimately don't forget the base of you relationship is the love you have for one another,So no argument, no pride , no word is worth losing that person.a marriage only gets stronger when you go through the hard times. Don't give up. It will strengthen you as people and your marriage.Not ever argument has to be settled with someone being right. Pick and choose your battles but don't battle each other.remember its just you and your spouse against all those stories.How nice it would be to beat those odds together.
2006-12-27 18:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not that I have experience from a long marriage, but I have asked couples who have been together for a long time, and the impression I get is that they are able to put up with their partner faults. Its not what good qualities a person has, its if their bad ones are tolerable, and that person can live with that persons faults.
2006-12-27 15:06:07 · answer #7 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well communication is very important...however you find it possible to communicate. Yours is no different from any other marriage so there has to be selflessness, understanding and commitment.
2006-12-27 14:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by LizaW 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mutual respect, understanding and love. Best of luck
2006-12-27 14:53:46 · answer #9 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marry the one you love and love the one you marry!
2006-12-27 15:55:21 · answer #10 · answered by Meow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get your wife a paper shredder for Christmas!
2006-12-27 14:57:15 · answer #11 · answered by choddy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋